As I was saying in my previous post, I got a concussion after hitting a rock with my face while whitewater rafting. The morning when my brain quit on me, I agonized through a meeting that I was leading, but that I simply did not have the brain power to lead. I could not figure out what the topics of discussions were and was unable to answer simple questions. My headache was unbearable, it was making me nauseated. Also, everyone was talking way too fast, what was wrong with them and why were they asking me to know what the meeting was all about? I barely made it through the meeting without either bursting into tears or killing someone. At some point during that meeting I knew that I was in trouble. I called the health line from my desk and the nurse strongly advised that I see a doctor that day.
I went to a walk-in clinic in Ottawa and saw an awesome doctor. She listened to me and asked a lot of questions. She allowed me time to think and respond. She checked my eyes, the bruises on my face and my balance, of which I had none. It was like I was drunk: my brain was so foggy and I could not stand straight. She told me I had a concussion, gave me a doctor's note so that I take a week off to rest and gave me a one-pager with information on concussions and what to do/what not to do. It didn't say much, only to rest and have someone check over us.
And so, I went home and rested. I was so tired, I don't know if I have ever been this tired in my life. My mood was all over the place during that first week: one minute I was laughing, the next I was very agressive and then I was mellow. On the morning of day 7 after my concussion, I spoke on the phone with my friend. All was good, until about 20 minutes after I hung up. It hit me like a ton of bricks: the suicidal thoughts. They were insanely real: I knew that I would take all the pills in my house and just end my life right there and then. I thought that maybe I didn't have enough pills in the house to finish the job, so I thought I would go to the pharmacy later to get more. I didn't feel any emotions while I was having those thoughts. I was planning my suicide like I would plan a bike ride. Eventually, I started to freak out and called another friend. We met up not long after and that's when I cried for the first time since the concussion. It would take another 2 months until I cried again. The suicidal thoughts left as suddenly as they appeared, but I remained terrified that they would come back.
The second week after the concussion, the symptoms were worsening instead of improving. The fatigue was getting worse, the headaches wouldn't let up, I was foggier than ever and very agressive. I got scared that this was the new normal for me and somehow convinced myself that I would have to grieve the person I had become in the past year. I loved that version of me. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be me. I stopped caring so much about people's opinions of me and started to live my life according to my needs and desires. I discovered the person that, deep down, I knew I was, but hid from the world: an adventurous spirit, eager to connect with people and to try new things, with a strong desire to push outside of her comfort zone to experience the world in a whole new way. I had only been 'me' for a few short months and now it was back to square one. The thought depressed me more than any other thought I have had in my life. I knew I should fight back, but I didn't know how and I didn't have the energy to do so.
My time off work was extended. All in all, I wouldn't go back to work before 3 weeks post-concussion. When I went back, I found myself overwhelmed by the noise, the lights, the people and all the action at work. Working on the computer was extremely hard, but I pushed myself to do it because I felt I didn't have any other choice. My director gave me permission to use my sick leave to work shorter days, which I was thankful I could do. The first two weeks, I worked 4.5-6 hour days. On my third week back, I decided it was time to work full-time, but I knew I was pushing it as my symptoms were getting worse by the day. The headaches were unbearable, my eyes did not want to stay open when I was on the computer, I could barely follow conversations, let alone participate in them and I would crash on the couch as soon as I made it home each day. I was becoming more and more depressed at the same time as my aggressiveness was reaching an all-time high. I was particularly aggressive towards the people who were trying to be nice to me. For some reason, they were the ones that got on my nerves the most. Every day was torture.
Thankfully, I had a week of vacation coming the week after, so this was helping me hold on. I rented a cottage close to Quebec City, where I would get silence, peace and solitude. That week was wonderful: I rested a lot, both physically and mentally and I started on my vestibular rehabilitation exercises. These exercises brought on dizziness and headaches, as well as stupidity (my brain could not count from 1 to 15 if I was doing something else at the same time, like moving my eyes between two "x" on the wall).
When I went back to work the week after, I crashed. I couldn't stand to be working on the computer, could not stand conversations with colleagues, the surrounding noise was unbearable. One morning, we had an early morning teleconference, which I took from home. The call went on for hours and I cried my way through it (thank God for mute). Once I hung up, I called my manager and advised that I would not be going back to work until I saw my sports doctor the next Wednesday. I finally admitted to myself that this was a serious injury and that I had to treat it like a serious injury. This was 2 months post-concussion.
When I saw my doctor, he took a look at my imPACT test results and said "you can't be able to work with those types of results" and he put me on sick leave for the next 6 weeks. I was shocked and relieved at the same time. Shocked because it confirmed that this was serious. The thought made me quite depressed for a minute, until relief at not having to go back to the office to stare at a computer all day spread over me.
Tomorrow will be 4 months post-concussion. I am still off work and will be for at least another 5.5 weeks. More on my treatment later, I'm getting very tired now.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Whitewater Rafting on the Ottawa River
On July 26th, I went whitewater rafting with my friend Sonia. After hearing all my adventures, Sonia decided to challenge me to try something new with her and we decided to try whitewater rafting. None of us had done it before and we both had it on our respective bucket lists. We were planning a girls' weekend and thought it would be the perfect time to go on an adventure. Like everything in life that is both scary and exciting at the same time, it sounded like a much better idea in June than it did a few days before it took place!We ignored our fears as best we could and talked each other into remaining enthusiastic and excited about the whole thing. When we got to the place where the activity took place, we got a bit nervous when we looked at the people we would be rafting with that day. It was not yet 9am and it was already a very festive crowd... Most people were much younger than us and some acted as if they were already a little drunk. I don't mind party people, but I do mind being on a boat in rapids with people under the influence of alcool or drugs! This freaked us out. The pre-briefing did not really do anything to calm our nerves. The organizer told us how the day would proceed and then read the waiver form to us. The whole time he was joking and speaking lightly about the risks involved in going rafting. He mentioned there was the possibility of being evacuated by helicopter if we got hurt, but that they had never done it before and it was very expensive (hint, hint: don't be the first one to be evacuated by helicopter, will you?).
When we got onto the school buses taking us to the start point of our adventure, we had no idea who we would be sharing the ride with. Sonia was ready to throw a fit if we were teamed with the group who had been drinking during the briefing. Thankfully, we were matched with a group of people our age, who were there for fun but who seemed to care about safety. This got us into the rafting boat... We were ready to call it a day if we didn't feel safe getting onto the boat. We were relieved and eager to get started.
The first few rapids were fun. I was expecting to be more scared than I actually was and I relaxed and started to really enjoy it. This was fun! Paddle, paddle, paddle, watch out, paddle, paddle, paddle. And in between the rapids, we had a nice friendly atmosphere in the boat, everyone telling jokes and stories and just having a good time. We stopped for lunch and got excited about the afternoon ahead.
The rapids were bigger after lunch and it was more challenging to stay in the boat. I kept repeating to myself the directions we had been given, to make sure I would remember if I needed to: how to paddle, where to swim and where not to swim if I fell into the water, what to do if the boat capsized, not panicking and counting to three if I found myself under water, holding on to my paddle if I fell into the water, etc. This anxiety came in handy when I was ejected from the boat into the "Waikiki Bus-Eater" rapid. I don't remember what happened: one moment I was in the boat, angry at one of the guys because he was taking up all the space and I was uncomfortable, then next I was at the bottom of the water and repeating to myself "don't panic and count to three". I had to count until 5 before I floated to the surface of the water. The waves were coming at me from every direction and I couldn't grab the paddle that was offered for me to grab. I was quickly pushed in a direction away from the boat and I could see the fear in one of my boat mate's eyes a second before a huge wave hit me from behind and sent me into panic mode.
The next 1-2 minutes were among the most traumatizing of my life. I was carried away in the rapids and there was nothing I could do. I tried swimming to the right like I had been instructed but there were so many rocks and the current was so strong that I deemed it safer to move back into the running water. I was having a hard time breathing, which I assumed was because I was panicked, but found out later it might have been from the blow to my head. All the time I was being smashed by waves, I was convinced I would drown and die. I was not afraid to die, I knew I was going to die. It was truly terrifying!
Eventually, I made it to the bottom of the rapids and another rafting boat was able to pick me up. I got off the boat and went to sit on a rock to calm down and talk myself away from the terrible fear I had just experienced. People were willingly jumping into the rapids to experience bodysurf. I watched them and emotionally detached myself from all the scared faces I saw emerge from the bodysurf experience. When my friend Sonia came to ask me how I was doing, I told her with a lack of emotion that it was very scary and I thought I would drown. The rafting guide asked if I hit my head and I said no, but really, I did not know and I should have said that.
I got back on the boat, but got off for the next big rapid. I walked that one, but I tripped and fell while walking, which I attributed to my wet shoes. My anxiety levels sky-rocketed when I had to get back into the boat and face more rapids. Although milder, these rapids were too much for me to handle and soon, I felt like a little child, alone and scared with no one listening to me and validating my fears. I couldn't have been happier to get off that boat when the adventure was over. The bus ride back to camp is a blur. People were laughing, singing and being silly, but I was a bit stunned. So tired. I again fell on my butt trying to get off the bus, which I again attributed to my wet shoes.
It was not until I got back home that I really realized the emotional trauma I had just been through. I stayed up until almost 5am that night, talking about what happened and getting comforted. The next day, I had one of the biggest headaches ever, as well as nausea. I had a nice bruise on my cheekbone just under my eye, and my face was swollen. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt I did not look the same. I felt foggy, but I blamed the sleeplessness of the previous night for it. I had taken the Monday off work and I spent most of it napping. I was still nauseous and the headache wouldn't go away. I was unmotivated to do most things and feeling overwhelmed. I went to bed early that night but I didn't sleep well.
I went to work on the Tuesday, but everything felt surreal, as if I was a distance away from what was happening around me. It felt like everything was moving too fast, people were talking too fast and using words that were too complex. I felt foggy and blamed the headache. As soon as I got out of the office and had some quiet, I felt better so I went for my planned MTB ride. It was the best ride ever, I had so much fun! But then, the next morning, the headache was 10x worse than the previous day and at that point, I could not figure out what people were telling me. I could hear it, but it did not make sense. I felt so slow and as if I was out of my body, watching people living life from a distance. Just before lunch, I decided that it would be safer to go see a doctor and I got diagnosed with a concussion.
I got my diagnosis on July 30th. Post-concussion syndrome reared its ugly head a few days later. More on this later - I have written too long and have a massive headache from it now.
Monday, June 09, 2014
First Pink Climb
Another first for me last week : I rode up to Pink Lake
lookout in the Gatineau Park for the first time! I had my usual Monday night
skills training with the Cyclefit Chicks and it was a tough workout: we
practiced gearing and keeping a high cadence on flat terrain. My legs felt
pretty tired after the training intervals and I considered not doing the group
ride. However, it’s not like me to give up without a good reason, so I decided to
give it a try and see how it felt.
Riding up the warm-up hill was challenging, but I stayed at
the back and took my time. I made it to the top of the hill and met up with the
group again at the bottom of Pink. The group leader said she knew that I could
climb Pink and insisted that I give it a try. Another girl from the
club, Christine, was willing to give it a try too, so off we went. I had heard so many
stories about how hard this climb was that I was expecting it to be way tougher
than it really was. Don’t get me wrong, it is a tough climb, but it is totally
doable. I thought the climb up to the Champlain Lookout on my mountain bike a
few weeks ago was way harder than this was.
There was a deer by the side of the road on the way up and I
was afraid I would hit it on the way down. Fortunately, it stayed by the side
of the road both times I saw it. Christine and I stopped by the side of the
road at some point, thinking we could not go on. A man rode by and told
Christine we were almost there, so she said she would like to try to make it. I
agreed and we started off again. I’m glad we did not turn around because we
really were almost there. We were so proud once we made it to the top!
The descent was a little scary. I reached my fastest speed
on my road bike so far, at 49.3 km/h. I had to use my breaks because I didn’t
feel like I was much in control of my bike on the way down. What a thrill!
Another accomplishment that fills me with joy. Yay for new
milestones!
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Escalade de roche
Ça fait des années que j'en rêve et que j'en parle de temps en temps: je veux faire de l'escalade! J'en ai fait en gymnase il y a plus de dix ans, mais j'ai arrêté quand je suis déménagée en Outaouais et que j'ai perdu ma partenaire de grimpe. J'y pensais de plus en plus régulièrement et c'était sur mon bucket list d'essayer l'escalade extérieure un jour. La vie est bien faite, parfois. Alors que je me magasinais un vélo de montagne ce printemps, j'ai vu une annonce pour une rencontre d'information pour le club alpin du Canada, section Outaouais. J'ai vu qu'ils faisaient beaucoup d'escalade. Hum, je me suis dis, je devrais aller voir de quoi il en retourne. J'ai été convaincue et me suis jointe au club le lendemain de la rencontre.Aujourd'hui, c'était l'activité "découverte de l'escalade extérieure". J'ai attendu cette journée avec impatience depuis que je m'y suis inscrite et finalement, la voici arrivée. J'étais assez nerveuse car je voulais vraiment aimer ça. Je ne voulais pas être déçue en me rendant compte que je n'aimais pas ça finalement. Heureusement, ce ne fut pas le cas! Les gens qui étaient en charge de l'activité étaient vraiment sympathiques et ils m'inspiraient confiance. Ils savaient ce qu'ils faisaient et étaient très enthousiaste à l'idée de nous faire découvrir leur passion.
Ma première montée a été un bon défi, surtout du point de vue de la confiance: en l'équipement, en la personne qui m'assurait, en la solidité de la paroi. Je n'ai pas eu le vertige et la petite voix critique dans ma tête est restée plutôt silencieuse. J'ai pris mon temps d'analyser la parois pour trouver la meilleure route pour moi et petit à petit, je me suis rendue en haut. Quelle fierté j'ai ressentie une fois au sommet!! En gymnase, j'ai réussi à me rendre en-haut seulement deux fois et c'était après une bonne douzaine de grimpes.La deuxième montée a aussi été un défi, principalement parce que je me suis retrouvée dans un cul-de-sac et je me suis épuisée à tenter d'y trouver une solution et j'ai demandé à redescendre. J'ai failli me peter la margoulette sur la paroi en redescendant - heureusement que j'ai une expérience de rappel en gymnase car j'ai pu garder le contrôle. Plusieurs personnes ont ensuite essayé la même route et eux aussi sont restés pris. J'ai donc offert une bière à la première personne qui arriverait à traverser ce passage et l'endroit est devenue "la passe de la bière". :) Éventuellement, trois personnes ont réussi à la traverser, mais plusieurs autres y ont échoué tout comme moi.
Je suis restée prise à mi-chemin dans la quatrième montée et je m'y suis coincé le petit doigt entre la corde et la paroi (OUCH!!!). Je pense qu'il aurait fallu que j'accote mon dos sur la paroi et que je pousse avec mes jambes. Ce sera à essayer quand j'y retournerai. J'ai presque complètement réussi ma montée finale, mais je n'avais plus de jus et vers la fin, le mental commençait à se manifester et à me dire que c'était assez alors je l'ai écouté et je suis redescendue.
C'était vraiment une belle journée et j'ai beaucoup aimé l'aspect social de la chose. Quand on ne grimpait pas, on jasait entre nous et tout le monde était vraiment sympathique. C'est certain que je vais y retourner plusieurs fois cet été. Yé! Je suis une grimpeuse. :)
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Kelodie BEATS The Mental at the Ottawa Race Weekend 10K
It has been 7 years since I ran a 10K race. 6 years since I ran 10K in training.
Last fall, I decided to sign up for the 10K at Race Weekend thinking it would motivate me to get out there and run. I have been running 5Ks for many years now, but I have had so many injuries that I did not perform in any of them. I stuck to cycling, because I enjoyed it more and I didn’t get injured cycling.
A friend challenged me to walk/run/bike/ski/skate/etc. for 2,013km in 2013. This challenge has resulted in me walking more, not just for leisure but to go places. In the fall, I was walking everywhere and had many days when I walked 8-10K between October and December. I kept up the walking all winter and feel all this walking has really made me stronger. I have less lower back pain and my hips/pelvis feel more stable.
It has been a rough winter, not just weather-wise, but also from a personal point of view. My life has changed completely in the past 6 months and I have to say that running hasn’t been top of mind. I kept active by walking lots, but I didn’t train like I was hoping I would. My “training” for this race was 7 runs ranging 3-6.5K over a period of two months, about 200km of walking since January and about 270km of riding my bike since April. Needless to say, I was feeling less than confident that I could complete this race without injuring myself.
The days leading up to the race were very challenging emotionally. I had a major anxiety trigger and it nearly ruined things for me. However, I have been through a lot of sh!t in the past few years and it has made me so much stronger – I was determined to at least try. Worst case scenario: I would walk the whole thing. So I spent the day of the race dealing with my out-of-control anxiety – thank God for good friends, I could never have made it through without them – and I did not eat much because the anxiety makes me severely nauseous. I ended up only eating one peanut butter toast, some almond milk and an energy bar during my whole day. I know, recipe for disaster.
I got to the race site and saw my friend Suzy (not a Maniac). It was great to see her before the race as it helped calm me down. She was shooting for 65-70 minutes, so she was seeded ahead of me in the starting corrals. It was a long wait before they let us start and I could not wait to get going. The sun was blazing and I was getting hot!
They eventually let us through the start line. Everyone around me was running, so I decided to run a little bit to see how it felt. It felt great! Cardio was good, legs were fine, mental was strong. There were a lot of people cheering along Elgin and it really helped me. I kept going and was amazed at how much I was able to run: I have been doing run/walk intervals by feeling, not looking at my watch. I know I haven’t done more than 5 minutes in a row of running in training. I have no idea what happened but my cardio was so good that I could run for way longer than that. I even ran the whole “climb” to the overpass at the turn-around point. I was passing people like crazy!
My legs were feeling great until about 7K. The Mental was silent (which is unheard of, if you have been following my racing history). I was not feeling weak, nauseous or light-headed from not having eaten enough. I was smiling and interacting with the crowds and the volunteers. It was fun! As I approached the 8K mark, my legs and hips started to seize up, so I decided to walk for a bit. However, my hip was clicking with every step and I soon realized that walking was hurting a lot more than running so I started running again. It was at that particular moment that I felt like I was a “real” runner again. I ran to the finish line without stopping! The crowds were lining the course during the last kilometer and I loved every minute of it. I crossed the finish line in 1:20:46, which is a similar time to what I got on my first 10K race 7 years ago, after a winter of intense training. Needless to say I was over the moon!
I am very proud of what I was able to accomplish on Saturday. Life has sent me a lot of opportunities to build some mental toughness in the past two years and I feel that Saturday was a celebration of how tough I have become. I am starting to see how much I can accomplish when I shut The Mental up. 2014 is a transitional year for me. On New Year’s Eve, I remember thinking that I would get out of my comfort zone in 2014 and build the life that I want to live. The mental barriers that were holding me back are getting smashed one by one and I am very proud of myself.
Yay! I’m a runner again. (A runner on a semi-break for the warm season, though, as I tackle many new cycling, climbing and water-sports adventures, but a runner nonetheless)
Last fall, I decided to sign up for the 10K at Race Weekend thinking it would motivate me to get out there and run. I have been running 5Ks for many years now, but I have had so many injuries that I did not perform in any of them. I stuck to cycling, because I enjoyed it more and I didn’t get injured cycling.
A friend challenged me to walk/run/bike/ski/skate/etc. for 2,013km in 2013. This challenge has resulted in me walking more, not just for leisure but to go places. In the fall, I was walking everywhere and had many days when I walked 8-10K between October and December. I kept up the walking all winter and feel all this walking has really made me stronger. I have less lower back pain and my hips/pelvis feel more stable.
It has been a rough winter, not just weather-wise, but also from a personal point of view. My life has changed completely in the past 6 months and I have to say that running hasn’t been top of mind. I kept active by walking lots, but I didn’t train like I was hoping I would. My “training” for this race was 7 runs ranging 3-6.5K over a period of two months, about 200km of walking since January and about 270km of riding my bike since April. Needless to say, I was feeling less than confident that I could complete this race without injuring myself.
The days leading up to the race were very challenging emotionally. I had a major anxiety trigger and it nearly ruined things for me. However, I have been through a lot of sh!t in the past few years and it has made me so much stronger – I was determined to at least try. Worst case scenario: I would walk the whole thing. So I spent the day of the race dealing with my out-of-control anxiety – thank God for good friends, I could never have made it through without them – and I did not eat much because the anxiety makes me severely nauseous. I ended up only eating one peanut butter toast, some almond milk and an energy bar during my whole day. I know, recipe for disaster.
I got to the race site and saw my friend Suzy (not a Maniac). It was great to see her before the race as it helped calm me down. She was shooting for 65-70 minutes, so she was seeded ahead of me in the starting corrals. It was a long wait before they let us start and I could not wait to get going. The sun was blazing and I was getting hot!
They eventually let us through the start line. Everyone around me was running, so I decided to run a little bit to see how it felt. It felt great! Cardio was good, legs were fine, mental was strong. There were a lot of people cheering along Elgin and it really helped me. I kept going and was amazed at how much I was able to run: I have been doing run/walk intervals by feeling, not looking at my watch. I know I haven’t done more than 5 minutes in a row of running in training. I have no idea what happened but my cardio was so good that I could run for way longer than that. I even ran the whole “climb” to the overpass at the turn-around point. I was passing people like crazy!
My legs were feeling great until about 7K. The Mental was silent (which is unheard of, if you have been following my racing history). I was not feeling weak, nauseous or light-headed from not having eaten enough. I was smiling and interacting with the crowds and the volunteers. It was fun! As I approached the 8K mark, my legs and hips started to seize up, so I decided to walk for a bit. However, my hip was clicking with every step and I soon realized that walking was hurting a lot more than running so I started running again. It was at that particular moment that I felt like I was a “real” runner again. I ran to the finish line without stopping! The crowds were lining the course during the last kilometer and I loved every minute of it. I crossed the finish line in 1:20:46, which is a similar time to what I got on my first 10K race 7 years ago, after a winter of intense training. Needless to say I was over the moon!
I am very proud of what I was able to accomplish on Saturday. Life has sent me a lot of opportunities to build some mental toughness in the past two years and I feel that Saturday was a celebration of how tough I have become. I am starting to see how much I can accomplish when I shut The Mental up. 2014 is a transitional year for me. On New Year’s Eve, I remember thinking that I would get out of my comfort zone in 2014 and build the life that I want to live. The mental barriers that were holding me back are getting smashed one by one and I am very proud of myself.
Yay! I’m a runner again. (A runner on a semi-break for the warm season, though, as I tackle many new cycling, climbing and water-sports adventures, but a runner nonetheless)
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
2013 in Motion
Wow, it has been a very long time since I updated my blog. Life has been hectic, to say the least. My last post was in March 2012 and since then, many things have happened:
1) I got surplussed at my job. "Your services are no longer required" said the letter my director general handed me on April 30th. This hurt big time and I'm trying really hard not to integrate the lesson that it doesn't matter if you're a top performer, you'll get the same fate as the poor performers.
2) I lost my footing... and then I went to get some help to get in control again.
3) I spent many sleepless nights revisiting my life, analyzing every little thing and making tough decisions.
4) I supported a dear friend as she underwent chemotherapy. I'll be forever grateful that she is still here and recovering by the day.
5) By May 31st, I found a new job. I'm still with the same department, but in a totally different division. I can't say I love it, but my wonderful manager and team make up for my lack of interest in what I do. To be honest, there are days when I really enjoy my job and I think it could be made interesting if it wasn't for all the other crap I have to do. But hey! It pays the bills, and allows me to survive in a relatively safe haven until the cuts are over.
6) I went on a FABULOUS trip to San Francisco before I started the new job. I spent 4 days there walking and cycling to let some steam off after that crazy rollercoaster year.
7) I had a serious health scare. I wasn't very scared myself until the doctor and nurse started to freak out on me. Thankfully, all is good.
8) I admitted to being physically and mentally exhausted and went on a 4 days/week schedule. I'm loving it and am not looking forward to going back full time.
9) We went away for a weekend and got robbed. They stole our electronics and my sense of security in my own home. I'm happy to report it is coming back, though.
So... 2012 has been a shitty year. But I've learned a ton of things, about myself, about the workplace, about the world in general. I like to think that I am a better person for having survived 2012. A new and improved version of myself, ready to face 2013. I'm currently working really hard at undoing the damage that 2012 has done on my body. I gained about 10 lbs and haven't been very active. It's time to get in motion again!
A friend challenged me to 2,013 km in 2013. It can be walking, running, cycling, swimming, cross-country skiing, hiking, snowshoeing, rollerblading... On top of trying to move for 2,013 km, I decided that 1,000 of those kilometers should be for transportation as opposed to leisure of training. That means 1,000 km of bike commuting and walking places. Time to get moving!
1) I got surplussed at my job. "Your services are no longer required" said the letter my director general handed me on April 30th. This hurt big time and I'm trying really hard not to integrate the lesson that it doesn't matter if you're a top performer, you'll get the same fate as the poor performers.
2) I lost my footing... and then I went to get some help to get in control again.
3) I spent many sleepless nights revisiting my life, analyzing every little thing and making tough decisions.
4) I supported a dear friend as she underwent chemotherapy. I'll be forever grateful that she is still here and recovering by the day.
5) By May 31st, I found a new job. I'm still with the same department, but in a totally different division. I can't say I love it, but my wonderful manager and team make up for my lack of interest in what I do. To be honest, there are days when I really enjoy my job and I think it could be made interesting if it wasn't for all the other crap I have to do. But hey! It pays the bills, and allows me to survive in a relatively safe haven until the cuts are over.
6) I went on a FABULOUS trip to San Francisco before I started the new job. I spent 4 days there walking and cycling to let some steam off after that crazy rollercoaster year.
7) I had a serious health scare. I wasn't very scared myself until the doctor and nurse started to freak out on me. Thankfully, all is good.
8) I admitted to being physically and mentally exhausted and went on a 4 days/week schedule. I'm loving it and am not looking forward to going back full time.
9) We went away for a weekend and got robbed. They stole our electronics and my sense of security in my own home. I'm happy to report it is coming back, though.
So... 2012 has been a shitty year. But I've learned a ton of things, about myself, about the workplace, about the world in general. I like to think that I am a better person for having survived 2012. A new and improved version of myself, ready to face 2013. I'm currently working really hard at undoing the damage that 2012 has done on my body. I gained about 10 lbs and haven't been very active. It's time to get in motion again!
A friend challenged me to 2,013 km in 2013. It can be walking, running, cycling, swimming, cross-country skiing, hiking, snowshoeing, rollerblading... On top of trying to move for 2,013 km, I decided that 1,000 of those kilometers should be for transportation as opposed to leisure of training. That means 1,000 km of bike commuting and walking places. Time to get moving!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
It is what it is
It's been forever since I posted anything on my blog. I guess it shows how little I've been exercising, let alone training, in the past few months. Life happened and I had other priorities.
I'm looking for work. I've known since last June that my position would be abolished at the end of March 2012. At first, I didn't worry, thinking I had plenty of time to find something else. I took it easy on the job search front last summer and became more serious about it in the fall. From October to February, I networked like I've never networked in my whole life. I asked people out for coffee to find out what should be my next move in order to get to where I want to be with my career. I didn't leave a stone unturned. There were weeks when I had two of those interviews. It took all my energy because I'm not the kind of person who networks easily. In fact, if I can avoid networking, then I don't. It's not like I hide from people, but unless I do business with them, I don't seek them out.
Come Christmas, I was on a roll. I had potential opportunities and two sounded very promising: one with the government and the other one with a consulting firm. I was terrified of leaving the security of my government job, but so excited by the kind of work and the work conditions of the private sector! It took me a while, but I made up my mind that I would leave the government.
And then, everything fell apart. The consulting firm didn't have enough work to keep me busy, so they didn't want to hire me. My department put an informal freeze on hiring at the same time as they were cutting whole divisions. My options within my department disappeared. I tried to take care of my health as I was going through that immense stress, but I haven't done a great job. I've gained about 5 lbs since the fall and I haven't been running consistently.
It's almost mid-March now and I still don't have anything lined up. Everyone is waiting for the federal budget to be announced on March 29 before they know whether or not they can hire. The only thing I can do right now is keep on the lookout for jobs outside the government at the same time as I wait for something to happen within my department.
A few years ago, I had a series of injuries that taught me a great life lesson: "it is what it is". You can feel sad about what's happening to you, but it has happened anyway, so you may as well do the best you can with your current circumstances. In the past 6 weeks or so, it has been one thing after another. Maybe I need to learn my lesson again? "It is what it is"
I went for a run today. I ran 8 times 1:1 trying to keep a 180 cadence, as per my physiotherapist's recommendation. It was a good run: it felt like the first day of spring, sunny and 10C. I hope I can find the energy to go out for a mid-week run this week and enjoy the spring-like weather that is on the forecast.
I am also working with a great sports doctor to try and identify the source of that abdominal pain I've been having almost non-stop since April 2008 when I seemingly tore something in my lower abdomen. I'm going for x-rays and a pelvic ultrasound this week and we'll take it from there. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of this injury so that I can, at last, have a chance at building up my strength and endurance again, in preparation for a great 2013 racing season.
I'm looking for work. I've known since last June that my position would be abolished at the end of March 2012. At first, I didn't worry, thinking I had plenty of time to find something else. I took it easy on the job search front last summer and became more serious about it in the fall. From October to February, I networked like I've never networked in my whole life. I asked people out for coffee to find out what should be my next move in order to get to where I want to be with my career. I didn't leave a stone unturned. There were weeks when I had two of those interviews. It took all my energy because I'm not the kind of person who networks easily. In fact, if I can avoid networking, then I don't. It's not like I hide from people, but unless I do business with them, I don't seek them out.
Come Christmas, I was on a roll. I had potential opportunities and two sounded very promising: one with the government and the other one with a consulting firm. I was terrified of leaving the security of my government job, but so excited by the kind of work and the work conditions of the private sector! It took me a while, but I made up my mind that I would leave the government.
And then, everything fell apart. The consulting firm didn't have enough work to keep me busy, so they didn't want to hire me. My department put an informal freeze on hiring at the same time as they were cutting whole divisions. My options within my department disappeared. I tried to take care of my health as I was going through that immense stress, but I haven't done a great job. I've gained about 5 lbs since the fall and I haven't been running consistently.
It's almost mid-March now and I still don't have anything lined up. Everyone is waiting for the federal budget to be announced on March 29 before they know whether or not they can hire. The only thing I can do right now is keep on the lookout for jobs outside the government at the same time as I wait for something to happen within my department.
A few years ago, I had a series of injuries that taught me a great life lesson: "it is what it is". You can feel sad about what's happening to you, but it has happened anyway, so you may as well do the best you can with your current circumstances. In the past 6 weeks or so, it has been one thing after another. Maybe I need to learn my lesson again? "It is what it is"
I went for a run today. I ran 8 times 1:1 trying to keep a 180 cadence, as per my physiotherapist's recommendation. It was a good run: it felt like the first day of spring, sunny and 10C. I hope I can find the energy to go out for a mid-week run this week and enjoy the spring-like weather that is on the forecast.
I am also working with a great sports doctor to try and identify the source of that abdominal pain I've been having almost non-stop since April 2008 when I seemingly tore something in my lower abdomen. I'm going for x-rays and a pelvic ultrasound this week and we'll take it from there. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of this injury so that I can, at last, have a chance at building up my strength and endurance again, in preparation for a great 2013 racing season.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
My first DNF - Rattle Me Bones 5K
Today was my first DNF. I've had quite a few DNS in races, and there were races that I barely completed, but I've always crossed the finish line. Not today. My heart was not into this race, because I'm still healing from a nasty cold and because I was sore from yesterday's 9-run-run spectating.
I wasn't sure if I would even start the race, but when I got up this morning I was feeling fine, so I thought I would go and do my best since I've paid for this. Also, the race being held around a hospital, I felt like I owed it to the people who are currently in the hospital to run for them. I'm sure these people would much rather be doing a run than being on a hospital bed.
I usually have a game plan for races: a time goal, an expectation for a joyful race, that kind of thing. This morning, I was just running to see if I could find something in myself that would motivate me to be a more consistent runner.
The race started off fine. At first, my calves and right ankle were stiff, so the first 3 minutes were a bit painful. The second running interval was much better, but by the third one, I was getting asthma-like secretions in my lungs and I started getting heart palpitations. At first, I ignored them because I often get them for a few seconds and then they go away. Today, they were more persistent and I even got them when I was walking. I knew they were not dangerous. Nonetheless, I asked myself if I was ready to die today and I pondered that question. I'm under a lot of stress at the professional level: my dream job has been cut and I now have to find something that will be good enough until I can find another great job. There are a lot of doubts in my head: will I ever be happy at work again? Will I contribute to improving the state of our cities and environment again? I feel like my work has been like a vocation these past 12 years working in the environment field and I don't want to settle to "just a job".
These are dark times for me, trying to find a brilliant idea to continue doing what I love. The emotions are extreme: I can go from being completely despaired to being hopeful, from feeling sad to angry to helpless.
So, I wondered this morning if I was willing to take the risk of pushing through the discomfort, knowing it could lead to serious problems. Is my life worth that much right now that I will stop and not push it? In the end, I chose to stop - the ever so hopeful little voice in my head hinted that I would find a solution, that everything would be alright and that I should not take those risks. It told me that I would find my balance and that I would emerge stronger from this challenging time like I always do.
At the 2K sign, I stopped and walked back to my car with tears in my eyes. My first DNF. I'm pretty sad about it, but more sad to realize how difficult the current stress is on my heart and my body. Time to roll up my sleeves and focus on self-care.
I wasn't sure if I would even start the race, but when I got up this morning I was feeling fine, so I thought I would go and do my best since I've paid for this. Also, the race being held around a hospital, I felt like I owed it to the people who are currently in the hospital to run for them. I'm sure these people would much rather be doing a run than being on a hospital bed.
I usually have a game plan for races: a time goal, an expectation for a joyful race, that kind of thing. This morning, I was just running to see if I could find something in myself that would motivate me to be a more consistent runner.
The race started off fine. At first, my calves and right ankle were stiff, so the first 3 minutes were a bit painful. The second running interval was much better, but by the third one, I was getting asthma-like secretions in my lungs and I started getting heart palpitations. At first, I ignored them because I often get them for a few seconds and then they go away. Today, they were more persistent and I even got them when I was walking. I knew they were not dangerous. Nonetheless, I asked myself if I was ready to die today and I pondered that question. I'm under a lot of stress at the professional level: my dream job has been cut and I now have to find something that will be good enough until I can find another great job. There are a lot of doubts in my head: will I ever be happy at work again? Will I contribute to improving the state of our cities and environment again? I feel like my work has been like a vocation these past 12 years working in the environment field and I don't want to settle to "just a job".
These are dark times for me, trying to find a brilliant idea to continue doing what I love. The emotions are extreme: I can go from being completely despaired to being hopeful, from feeling sad to angry to helpless.
So, I wondered this morning if I was willing to take the risk of pushing through the discomfort, knowing it could lead to serious problems. Is my life worth that much right now that I will stop and not push it? In the end, I chose to stop - the ever so hopeful little voice in my head hinted that I would find a solution, that everything would be alright and that I should not take those risks. It told me that I would find my balance and that I would emerge stronger from this challenging time like I always do.
At the 2K sign, I stopped and walked back to my car with tears in my eyes. My first DNF. I'm pretty sad about it, but more sad to realize how difficult the current stress is on my heart and my body. Time to roll up my sleeves and focus on self-care.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Learning to walk again at the Army Run
(…)
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return
(…)
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger
Little conqueror
I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Now!
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
(…)
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign
(…)
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever
- "Walk" by the Foo Fighters
Life was good for me in 2007. This was the year I turned 30 and I achieved many of my athletic and personal goals that year. Then, life happened and a series of bad lucks from 2008 to 2010 found me physically broken, facing a year of many DNS in 2008. Between April 2008 and February 2009, I broke a rib and a toe, I bruised 2 more ribs, my cheekbone and my tailbone, I partially tore my psoas, I badly bruised my tailbone. In 2009, I got bronchitis and later on, a nasty bacterial infection in my stomach while in Mexico. I took two ambulance rides, I suffered through mild PTSD following a bike accident and had digestive issues so intense following my stomach infection that I dropped 25lbs. On top of that, I changed jobs to work at my dream job, which got cut not too long ago. I dealt with deep emotional issues that made life hell for me on a few occasions. Life was testing me!
Life was offering me an opportunity to grow.
I worked hard to heal physically and emotionally. I was able to race in 2010, but every race I did sucked because I had an unwanted companion, which I nicknamed The Mental. The Mental was by my side every time I attempted to push my limits, both in sports and in my personal life. The Mental is my worst critic: it tells me I’m not good enough, sometimes using mean words like “you suck”. I’ve been fighting The Mental for a long time, but it’s always there with me to ruin my fun.
I did not race much in 2011, but at the three races I did, The Mental showed up and tried to take charge. I did not let it – I was stronger than it was at the end of the day but it did make life miserable for me for a part of my races. This year, I increased my swimming endurance, I rode my first 50K and then 60K and I found my running mojo again. I faced what was in my heart and I dealt with the negative and celebrated the positive.
On Friday, someone advised that I find a ritual to do on my birthday to mark the beginning of a new year, full of promises. I decided this would happen while I was running the 5K at the Army Run today. My plan was simple: to plan the race and race the plan. I’m working my way through Learn to Run again and I’m now up to 5-minutes running intervals. I decided that I would race doing 3:1s, which would allow me to push without it being too difficult an effort.
The day was perfect: it was sunny and cool – it didn’t get warmer than 10 degrees during the race. I started off with everyone else, taking in the positive energy at the start line. I ran my first 3-minutes interval and decided to wear my headphones and listen to some music since I knew this was to be a spiritual race and music speaks to my soul in a way nothing else does. I ended up listening to Foo Fighters’ song Walk on repeat the whole race. I just love this song: it felt like it had been written for me to listen to on a very important day like today.
I felt like I was learning to walk and talk again – I’m learning to walk in my own shoes, to live my life for myself. I’m also learning to talk in a way that allows for meaningful connection with the world. I’m full of resolve to work through some difficult emotional issues and the song reminded me of my power to change my ways and take control over my life.
Before getting to the 2K mark, I got a runner’s high. I was thinking how great it was to be running on this beautiful day, to live in a country where we can run freely and for leisure rather than to get away from someone who means us harm. I was getting all chocked up and I came this close to losing it right then when I saw two amputee soldiers walking with their family members. I felt like I owed it to them to live the best life I can live, to contribute everything I have to contribute to this world. I had complete faith in me, for the first time in a long time, if ever.
And I just kept on running, 3 minutes at a time. The Mental tried to get some airtime in my head, but I didn’t fight it and simply replaced it with positive self-talk about how I was doing great and to just keep going. I ignored the annoying Mental and it left me alone. It tried to make me take a walk break before the finish line, but I refused and I ran for almost 4 minutes until I crossed the finish line.
I’m elated… I now know what a little faith in oneself can do. I’ve dropped a lot of emotional baggage on the course today and I feel so much stronger for that. What a great way to start my 35th year on this Earth! Thank you to all my friends for the birthday wishes – I felt loved today, both by the people around me and by myself. This is the best feeling of all, one that I haven’t felt often in my life.
Chip time: 38:46 (not a PB, but by far, my best executed race EVER)
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return
(…)
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger
Little conqueror
I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Now!
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
(…)
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign
(…)
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever
- "Walk" by the Foo Fighters
Life was good for me in 2007. This was the year I turned 30 and I achieved many of my athletic and personal goals that year. Then, life happened and a series of bad lucks from 2008 to 2010 found me physically broken, facing a year of many DNS in 2008. Between April 2008 and February 2009, I broke a rib and a toe, I bruised 2 more ribs, my cheekbone and my tailbone, I partially tore my psoas, I badly bruised my tailbone. In 2009, I got bronchitis and later on, a nasty bacterial infection in my stomach while in Mexico. I took two ambulance rides, I suffered through mild PTSD following a bike accident and had digestive issues so intense following my stomach infection that I dropped 25lbs. On top of that, I changed jobs to work at my dream job, which got cut not too long ago. I dealt with deep emotional issues that made life hell for me on a few occasions. Life was testing me!
Life was offering me an opportunity to grow.
I worked hard to heal physically and emotionally. I was able to race in 2010, but every race I did sucked because I had an unwanted companion, which I nicknamed The Mental. The Mental was by my side every time I attempted to push my limits, both in sports and in my personal life. The Mental is my worst critic: it tells me I’m not good enough, sometimes using mean words like “you suck”. I’ve been fighting The Mental for a long time, but it’s always there with me to ruin my fun.
I did not race much in 2011, but at the three races I did, The Mental showed up and tried to take charge. I did not let it – I was stronger than it was at the end of the day but it did make life miserable for me for a part of my races. This year, I increased my swimming endurance, I rode my first 50K and then 60K and I found my running mojo again. I faced what was in my heart and I dealt with the negative and celebrated the positive.
On Friday, someone advised that I find a ritual to do on my birthday to mark the beginning of a new year, full of promises. I decided this would happen while I was running the 5K at the Army Run today. My plan was simple: to plan the race and race the plan. I’m working my way through Learn to Run again and I’m now up to 5-minutes running intervals. I decided that I would race doing 3:1s, which would allow me to push without it being too difficult an effort.
The day was perfect: it was sunny and cool – it didn’t get warmer than 10 degrees during the race. I started off with everyone else, taking in the positive energy at the start line. I ran my first 3-minutes interval and decided to wear my headphones and listen to some music since I knew this was to be a spiritual race and music speaks to my soul in a way nothing else does. I ended up listening to Foo Fighters’ song Walk on repeat the whole race. I just love this song: it felt like it had been written for me to listen to on a very important day like today.
I felt like I was learning to walk and talk again – I’m learning to walk in my own shoes, to live my life for myself. I’m also learning to talk in a way that allows for meaningful connection with the world. I’m full of resolve to work through some difficult emotional issues and the song reminded me of my power to change my ways and take control over my life.
Before getting to the 2K mark, I got a runner’s high. I was thinking how great it was to be running on this beautiful day, to live in a country where we can run freely and for leisure rather than to get away from someone who means us harm. I was getting all chocked up and I came this close to losing it right then when I saw two amputee soldiers walking with their family members. I felt like I owed it to them to live the best life I can live, to contribute everything I have to contribute to this world. I had complete faith in me, for the first time in a long time, if ever.
And I just kept on running, 3 minutes at a time. The Mental tried to get some airtime in my head, but I didn’t fight it and simply replaced it with positive self-talk about how I was doing great and to just keep going. I ignored the annoying Mental and it left me alone. It tried to make me take a walk break before the finish line, but I refused and I ran for almost 4 minutes until I crossed the finish line.
I’m elated… I now know what a little faith in oneself can do. I’ve dropped a lot of emotional baggage on the course today and I feel so much stronger for that. What a great way to start my 35th year on this Earth! Thank you to all my friends for the birthday wishes – I felt loved today, both by the people around me and by myself. This is the best feeling of all, one that I haven’t felt often in my life.
Chip time: 38:46 (not a PB, but by far, my best executed race EVER)
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Kelodie vs The Mental at The Canadian
Try-a-Tri
200m swim, 15K bike, 3K run
Time: 1:21:21 - 99/119 participants; 56/72 female participants.
I registered for the try-a-tri at The Canadian. It was the only triathlon I was planning on doing in 2011. It hasn't been a great year of training, and the whole time, I've known that the training I was doing this year was in preparation for next year's racing season. I thought it would still be a good idea to do one race this year, just to keep the motivation high, and decided to do the try-a-tri, but to really race it this time.
I've always thought I would "master" a distance before jumping to the next, and the distances of today's triathlon seemed easy for me: 200m swim, 15K bike and 3K run. Easy peasy, so I thought I would leave everything on the course. My goal was to complete the race in 70 to 75 minutes - 5:30 for the swim, 40min for the bike, 24 minutes for the run and the rest for transitions.
You can tell it's been a while since you raced when you almost forget to pick up your chip. It was kind of funny when I realized I was missing a key piece of "equipment". I had GI issues this morning, maybe because of the stress or because of something I ate. My seasonnal allergies are also very strong right now, so I was not in my best shape to face the 30C+ temperatures that were forecasted.
I got to hang out with my colleague Suzy before the race. It was good to be with people who would keep my mind off the race! I went in the water 20 minutes before the start of my race to cool down and to get used to being in the water. In fact, by the time we started, I was starting to freeze! I did a short warm-up just to get used to the water. I saw Jo-Jo on the edge of the water a few minutes before it was my time to go: I was so happy to have someone who came just for me!
The horn was blown and off we went. I was doing good: I had a good cadence and I was in control. Then, I came upon a massive patch of weeds. They were so tall: about 1cm away from the surface of the water. I thought I would soon be through it and kept calm but after a few strokes, the weeds were even denser and I started panicking. I forced myself to do breaststroke, but at one point, I just couldn't go on. I was having a panic attack. I turned on my back to settle down, like coach Geordie told us to do many times and it worked. I considered DNF'ing but the thought of having to touch the ground and walk in the weeds was even worst than the idea of backstroking through it. So I backstroked... for as long as it took until I didn't feel my arms getting entangled into the weeds with every stroke. It took a long time, probably 100m. Eventually, I felt that the weeds were a bit shorter so I turned on my front but I was never able to return to freestyle. So I breaststroked. I kept moving, like I was taught to do. The Mental really tried to make me quit, but I did not.
It took me 6:36 to swim 200m, 1 minute slower than my best 200m time (both in the pool and open water). I was 112th/119 for the swim, including the run to T1 and T1 itself.
I started the 15K bike ride hyperventilating because of my panic experience during the swim. The first 5K were really hard: there was a big battle being played in my head between The Mental and me. I told it to shut up, but it wouldn't shut up! So I just ignored the negative thoughts and focused on getting my breathing under control. It was hard because I was very nauseated. I had planned on hydrating while on the bike, because it was a scorcher out there and the last thing I wanted was to get dehydrated. After the first 5K were behind me and both my mind and my heart had calmed down, I started looking for competitors to take on. I passed many people on the bike and it felt great each time! I was happily surprised with the tailwind on the way back and I found myself riding along with the iron-people, being able to follow them. It was a great satisfaction for me to know that I could ride fast when I decided to.
My official bike time is 40:12, average speed of 22.4. 83rd out of 119 participants.
I decided to bring my water bottle with me on the run and am I ever glad I did. There were no water stations on the run course for the try-a-triers and the sun was shining almost non-stop. I drank water, but I mostly enjoyed being able to pour water on my neck, back and head to cool me down. My plan was to run as much as I could, trying to slow myself down to run longer. I'm pretty satisfied with what I did: I don't feel like I wimped out during the run. I really gave everything I had in the conditions we were in. I even made a friend on the course! We leap-frogged the whole race and about 200m from the finish line, I told her to go ahead and beat me, to which she responded: "no way, we'll finish together!" which I thought was really sweet coming from someone I just met. As we approached the finish line, I saw Jo-Jo again and told her I was starting to have cold sweats. I was very happy to be almost finished. My friend Suzy and her family were cheering like crazy for me and it was awesome! My new friend and I crossed the finish line holding hands and after we were done, I congratulated her and asked: "by the way, what's your name?" LOL
Run time: 24:41, 111th out of 119 participants.
After the race, I spoke to a few other participants - people were so friendly today! Or maybe I was more open to speaking to others? I'm not sure the reason, but it sure made my experience more fun. I had lunch with my relay team-mates: Jo-Jo and Cynthia and we started making plans for 2012... in the form of an island vacation! Hum... not sure where this vacationning thing will lead us triathlon-wise! ;-)
I feel like I graduated from the Try-a-Tri today. After 4 years, I have finally mastered the distance. Now is the time to work towards the next step: the Sprint Triathlon in 2012.
The Mental: 0 Kelodie: 1
Suck it, Mental! I'm in charge.
200m swim, 15K bike, 3K run
Time: 1:21:21 - 99/119 participants; 56/72 female participants.
I registered for the try-a-tri at The Canadian. It was the only triathlon I was planning on doing in 2011. It hasn't been a great year of training, and the whole time, I've known that the training I was doing this year was in preparation for next year's racing season. I thought it would still be a good idea to do one race this year, just to keep the motivation high, and decided to do the try-a-tri, but to really race it this time.
I've always thought I would "master" a distance before jumping to the next, and the distances of today's triathlon seemed easy for me: 200m swim, 15K bike and 3K run. Easy peasy, so I thought I would leave everything on the course. My goal was to complete the race in 70 to 75 minutes - 5:30 for the swim, 40min for the bike, 24 minutes for the run and the rest for transitions.
You can tell it's been a while since you raced when you almost forget to pick up your chip. It was kind of funny when I realized I was missing a key piece of "equipment". I had GI issues this morning, maybe because of the stress or because of something I ate. My seasonnal allergies are also very strong right now, so I was not in my best shape to face the 30C+ temperatures that were forecasted.
I got to hang out with my colleague Suzy before the race. It was good to be with people who would keep my mind off the race! I went in the water 20 minutes before the start of my race to cool down and to get used to being in the water. In fact, by the time we started, I was starting to freeze! I did a short warm-up just to get used to the water. I saw Jo-Jo on the edge of the water a few minutes before it was my time to go: I was so happy to have someone who came just for me!
The horn was blown and off we went. I was doing good: I had a good cadence and I was in control. Then, I came upon a massive patch of weeds. They were so tall: about 1cm away from the surface of the water. I thought I would soon be through it and kept calm but after a few strokes, the weeds were even denser and I started panicking. I forced myself to do breaststroke, but at one point, I just couldn't go on. I was having a panic attack. I turned on my back to settle down, like coach Geordie told us to do many times and it worked. I considered DNF'ing but the thought of having to touch the ground and walk in the weeds was even worst than the idea of backstroking through it. So I backstroked... for as long as it took until I didn't feel my arms getting entangled into the weeds with every stroke. It took a long time, probably 100m. Eventually, I felt that the weeds were a bit shorter so I turned on my front but I was never able to return to freestyle. So I breaststroked. I kept moving, like I was taught to do. The Mental really tried to make me quit, but I did not.
It took me 6:36 to swim 200m, 1 minute slower than my best 200m time (both in the pool and open water). I was 112th/119 for the swim, including the run to T1 and T1 itself.
I started the 15K bike ride hyperventilating because of my panic experience during the swim. The first 5K were really hard: there was a big battle being played in my head between The Mental and me. I told it to shut up, but it wouldn't shut up! So I just ignored the negative thoughts and focused on getting my breathing under control. It was hard because I was very nauseated. I had planned on hydrating while on the bike, because it was a scorcher out there and the last thing I wanted was to get dehydrated. After the first 5K were behind me and both my mind and my heart had calmed down, I started looking for competitors to take on. I passed many people on the bike and it felt great each time! I was happily surprised with the tailwind on the way back and I found myself riding along with the iron-people, being able to follow them. It was a great satisfaction for me to know that I could ride fast when I decided to.
My official bike time is 40:12, average speed of 22.4. 83rd out of 119 participants.
I decided to bring my water bottle with me on the run and am I ever glad I did. There were no water stations on the run course for the try-a-triers and the sun was shining almost non-stop. I drank water, but I mostly enjoyed being able to pour water on my neck, back and head to cool me down. My plan was to run as much as I could, trying to slow myself down to run longer. I'm pretty satisfied with what I did: I don't feel like I wimped out during the run. I really gave everything I had in the conditions we were in. I even made a friend on the course! We leap-frogged the whole race and about 200m from the finish line, I told her to go ahead and beat me, to which she responded: "no way, we'll finish together!" which I thought was really sweet coming from someone I just met. As we approached the finish line, I saw Jo-Jo again and told her I was starting to have cold sweats. I was very happy to be almost finished. My friend Suzy and her family were cheering like crazy for me and it was awesome! My new friend and I crossed the finish line holding hands and after we were done, I congratulated her and asked: "by the way, what's your name?" LOL
Run time: 24:41, 111th out of 119 participants.
After the race, I spoke to a few other participants - people were so friendly today! Or maybe I was more open to speaking to others? I'm not sure the reason, but it sure made my experience more fun. I had lunch with my relay team-mates: Jo-Jo and Cynthia and we started making plans for 2012... in the form of an island vacation! Hum... not sure where this vacationning thing will lead us triathlon-wise! ;-)
I feel like I graduated from the Try-a-Tri today. After 4 years, I have finally mastered the distance. Now is the time to work towards the next step: the Sprint Triathlon in 2012.
The Mental: 0 Kelodie: 1
Suck it, Mental! I'm in charge.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Share the Road 60K Ride
Yesterday, I participated in the Share the Road Ride. JF and I decided to do the 60K ride. It was the first time ever I rode beyond 50K. I was excited that I had signed up for something to get to that 60K, because I thought I may not have done it on my own. If I signed up for it, it meant I would do it. And I did!
I was very nervous in the days leading up to the ride. My head knew I was ready for it: I had done a number of 40K-50K rides and most times, I felt like I could have kept going. I had faced a challenge during those rides: my nutrition. Each time, I sort of bonked because I was ravenous and hadn't brought anything with me on my rides that I felt like eating. Going into the ride yesterday, I had brought salted potatoes as well as a coconut raspberry square in case I was craving something sweet. Everytime I rode longer than 35K, I had these huge salt cravings, so I figured my body wanted the salt.
The ride started at 8:30 and I was expecting it would take me 3 hours to get it done. We met with my friend Cynthia who was also doing the ride and off we went. It was a perfect day for cycling: 18C and cloudy. At first, there were light winds but towards the end of the ride, the winds really did pick up and they were challenging (leftovers from hurricane Irene).
JF did not stay with us for long. He is a much speedier cyclist and it was difficult for him to be slow. Plus, Cynthia and I were chatting non-stop and I think he got bored. LOL
The route was very good. It went through beautiful areas and there were almost no cars on the roads. The ones that passed us mostly gave us ample space. I felt safe the whole time!
My nutrition was perfect and I didn't feel like I was dying towards the end of the ride. This is my biggest victory, having figured out what works for me. :)
Friday, July 29, 2011
A few firsts!
Last Saturday, I went to Open Water Swim training with the Triathlon Club. I had not realized that the wind was quite strong and the water would be choppy. This is probably a good thing because I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I got into the water. That was something!! I felt my body being carried around in the waves and it was not super pleasant. I got a little dizzy at first, but I think it may have been because I was super nervous and my whole body was tense. It was a tough one, but I'm glad I experienced swimming in those conditions. I am proud of myself for not leaving the swim and trying my best.
I'm especially proud that I did not leave after I saw my first fish while OW swimming. It wasn't a big one, maybe 10-12 cm long, but it was following me and it was all I could see when my face was in the water. Freaky!!! I kept swimming for a little bit but when I stopped seeing it, I had to stand to catch my breath, all the while worried that the fish would brush against my leg. (it didn't)
Then on Sunday, I decided that it was the right time to attempt my first 50K bike ride. The temperature was cool (22C with a light humidex) but the sun was out the whole time. I did two "Aylmer" loops and it went well! The first loop was eventless, but the second one was full of action. First, I got really hungry at about 35K - stomach cramps hungry. I stopped and drank some Vega sports drink, which helped for a little while.
Then, I saw a fugitive dog. He was sniffing everywhere and looked lost. I stopped to try to help him, but he wouldn't let me near and I was afraid he would run further away, reducing his chances of finding his home. I reluctantly left, making a note of the location where I had spotted him.
Finally, at around 41K, my bike started making a strange noise and it was slowing down. I thought I had a flat tire and I was pretty p!ssed off, but when I stopped to take a look, I noticed that my water bottle was "touching" my rear wheel. I tried to re-adjust the water bottle holder so that the bottles would not touch the wheel and left again. It did it again a dozen meters later. So I stopped again and loosened up the bottle holder. This did not do the trick and I had to stop again another dozen meters further. This time, I noticed that my seat seemed lower than usual, so I stopped and raised it, only to realize it was not high enough 10 meters later. I was eventually able to fix my seat AND the water bottle holder, but I lost a lot of time and by that time, the sun was up in all its intensity and there was no shade to protect me from the rays.
The Mental was mostly silent during that ride, which was really appreciated. I think it makes all the difference when I just ride and not worry about being able to finish or not. All in all, it was a beautiful ride. I had 2 hours and 38 minutes to think of stuff and clear my head. This was by far the longest bike ride I've ever done (I had "only" done 40.xK before) and also the longest period of time of exercise (I had never gone for more than 2 hours). I learned a valuable lesson in that I need to plan my nutrition when I'm out for so long. I'm knowledgeable of how to keep hydrated, but now I need to test a few nutritional options for longer training sessions.
I hope to get my first 60K in sometime this Summer. When I attempt it, I'll bring some broiled potatoes with me. This is what I was craving on Sunday and I heard this was a good thing to carry on the bike.
... oh, and the fatigue after that effort was INSANE! It took me 3 days to recover from both the physical soreness and the fatigue.
I'm especially proud that I did not leave after I saw my first fish while OW swimming. It wasn't a big one, maybe 10-12 cm long, but it was following me and it was all I could see when my face was in the water. Freaky!!! I kept swimming for a little bit but when I stopped seeing it, I had to stand to catch my breath, all the while worried that the fish would brush against my leg. (it didn't)
Then on Sunday, I decided that it was the right time to attempt my first 50K bike ride. The temperature was cool (22C with a light humidex) but the sun was out the whole time. I did two "Aylmer" loops and it went well! The first loop was eventless, but the second one was full of action. First, I got really hungry at about 35K - stomach cramps hungry. I stopped and drank some Vega sports drink, which helped for a little while.
Then, I saw a fugitive dog. He was sniffing everywhere and looked lost. I stopped to try to help him, but he wouldn't let me near and I was afraid he would run further away, reducing his chances of finding his home. I reluctantly left, making a note of the location where I had spotted him.
Finally, at around 41K, my bike started making a strange noise and it was slowing down. I thought I had a flat tire and I was pretty p!ssed off, but when I stopped to take a look, I noticed that my water bottle was "touching" my rear wheel. I tried to re-adjust the water bottle holder so that the bottles would not touch the wheel and left again. It did it again a dozen meters later. So I stopped again and loosened up the bottle holder. This did not do the trick and I had to stop again another dozen meters further. This time, I noticed that my seat seemed lower than usual, so I stopped and raised it, only to realize it was not high enough 10 meters later. I was eventually able to fix my seat AND the water bottle holder, but I lost a lot of time and by that time, the sun was up in all its intensity and there was no shade to protect me from the rays.
The Mental was mostly silent during that ride, which was really appreciated. I think it makes all the difference when I just ride and not worry about being able to finish or not. All in all, it was a beautiful ride. I had 2 hours and 38 minutes to think of stuff and clear my head. This was by far the longest bike ride I've ever done (I had "only" done 40.xK before) and also the longest period of time of exercise (I had never gone for more than 2 hours). I learned a valuable lesson in that I need to plan my nutrition when I'm out for so long. I'm knowledgeable of how to keep hydrated, but now I need to test a few nutritional options for longer training sessions.
I hope to get my first 60K in sometime this Summer. When I attempt it, I'll bring some broiled potatoes with me. This is what I was craving on Sunday and I heard this was a good thing to carry on the bike.
... oh, and the fatigue after that effort was INSANE! It took me 3 days to recover from both the physical soreness and the fatigue.
Monday, July 04, 2011
Time for an Update!
It's been so long since I wrote... I guess I didn't have anything interesting to write about... or maybe it's because I was away from home so much in the past 2 months! I spent 5 days in Montreal in April, then 5 days in New York City in May, 8 days in the Maritimes in early June and 11 days in California in the second half of June. Maybe I should write trip reports!
I am happy to report that I have been very active in those past few months. I got active again at the end of April when I resumed bike commuting. Then we walked and biked a lot while in New York City, which created a momentum for us to keep active upon our return. I started running again sometime in May - week 2 of Learn to Run: 8 times 1:1s, how humbling. I was so happy that running was going well, it felt just hard enough and I fell in love again. :)
June came along and I didn't swim, run or bike as much as I would have liked, but I am proud to report that I was as active as I could be. When I was home, I was working out a lot and I did my best to keep active while away, either by running or by walking lots.
I went for my first open water swim training last Saturday with the Tri Club. I was terrified of that training, not knowing what to expect and having had a few months to build up all sorts of open water swimming fears. It was a relief to get to the workout and get 'er done. I panicked many times, but I faced the fears and kept moving forward or took a break when needed.
This experience confirmed that I'm not ready for a 500m open water swim. First, I lack the endurance to swim 500m continuously, having only done it 2-3 times in the pool. Second, the risk of a full-out panic attack is too great and I'm afraid it would keep me out of the water forever if it happened. Third, I like the idea of really racing a Super Sprint Tri for once, as opposed to just finishing it. I think that's what I'll do, but I'll wait until the second open water swim training to make my decision. :)
I am happy to report that I have been very active in those past few months. I got active again at the end of April when I resumed bike commuting. Then we walked and biked a lot while in New York City, which created a momentum for us to keep active upon our return. I started running again sometime in May - week 2 of Learn to Run: 8 times 1:1s, how humbling. I was so happy that running was going well, it felt just hard enough and I fell in love again. :)
June came along and I didn't swim, run or bike as much as I would have liked, but I am proud to report that I was as active as I could be. When I was home, I was working out a lot and I did my best to keep active while away, either by running or by walking lots.
I went for my first open water swim training last Saturday with the Tri Club. I was terrified of that training, not knowing what to expect and having had a few months to build up all sorts of open water swimming fears. It was a relief to get to the workout and get 'er done. I panicked many times, but I faced the fears and kept moving forward or took a break when needed.
This experience confirmed that I'm not ready for a 500m open water swim. First, I lack the endurance to swim 500m continuously, having only done it 2-3 times in the pool. Second, the risk of a full-out panic attack is too great and I'm afraid it would keep me out of the water forever if it happened. Third, I like the idea of really racing a Super Sprint Tri for once, as opposed to just finishing it. I think that's what I'll do, but I'll wait until the second open water swim training to make my decision. :)
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Swim Meet - March 2011
The Ottawa Triathlon Club held a swim meet two weeks ago. I signed up for it and then I was pretty nervous about the whole thing. I was scared of sucking so much in front of all those people that I don't really know. I spent the day coming up with excuses not to go and then telling myself to shut up, that I would get a baseline of what I am capable of, that I would get to swim under pressure like I will in a race, etc.
I had signed up for the 50m, 100m, 200m and relay "fun race". We started with a fun relay, where we had to swim 25m carrying an object - the first person carried one thing, the second one carried two, etc. I was the third one. I'm glad we did this first as it broke the ice in a fun way.
We then did the 50m. I pushed as hard as I could and came in at 1:01.8. Because I had never done a timed 50m, I had no idea what I was capable for. I'm glad I now have a baseline. I went way too hard on the 100m and by the time I reached 75m, I was done and had to slow down. I barely made it to 100m without puking. I definitely think I could not have done better on that day: 2.25.8
Before the 200m, I was asking some people who swim in my lane or near (the slower folks) if they had signed up for the 200m and none of them had. They said I was courageous to have signed up and it worried me. I thought: "well, it's just 200m - we can all swim that, so why would I be courageous to have signed up?". I understood when we got started. Everyone was so fast and I was soon left behind. I had to swim 8 laps and after 3, The Mental started telling me how I should not have signed up for that distance, how bad I looked in front of all those people, how I should just stop when I reach the wall, etc. It almost convinced me I could not do it, who did I think I was signing up for a 200m competition? My only answer to those thoughts was "just keep going, one stroke at a time". The Mental was very loud though and it didn't care for my positive and reassuring thoughts. It was the most awful battle I have ever had with The Mental. If I hadn't been in the water, I would have started crying. And then something happened with 3 laps to go.. All the others were done and I hit rock bottom thinking of how much I sucked. Suddenly, everyone started to cheer me on as if I was about to win an Olympic medal or something. At first, I was ashamed that it meant they were all looking at me and thinking how much I sucked, but then I told The Mental to shut the fuck up and take this for what it was: encouragement from people who have been there too. They too have been slower - most were not born a fast swimmer. Their cheers meant that they supported me in my efforts and admired me for signing up for this distance and continuing on even when everyone else was done. The Mental tried to tell me I sucked, but I did not listen to it for the last few laps of my 200m swim. I finished in 5:30.8.
I had a great time at the swim meet and I believe I broke some mental barriers I had about swimming in a competitive environment. There will be another swim meet in the fall and I'm pretty sure I'll sign up for the 200m again, just to see how far I have come.
I had signed up for the 50m, 100m, 200m and relay "fun race". We started with a fun relay, where we had to swim 25m carrying an object - the first person carried one thing, the second one carried two, etc. I was the third one. I'm glad we did this first as it broke the ice in a fun way.
We then did the 50m. I pushed as hard as I could and came in at 1:01.8. Because I had never done a timed 50m, I had no idea what I was capable for. I'm glad I now have a baseline. I went way too hard on the 100m and by the time I reached 75m, I was done and had to slow down. I barely made it to 100m without puking. I definitely think I could not have done better on that day: 2.25.8
Before the 200m, I was asking some people who swim in my lane or near (the slower folks) if they had signed up for the 200m and none of them had. They said I was courageous to have signed up and it worried me. I thought: "well, it's just 200m - we can all swim that, so why would I be courageous to have signed up?". I understood when we got started. Everyone was so fast and I was soon left behind. I had to swim 8 laps and after 3, The Mental started telling me how I should not have signed up for that distance, how bad I looked in front of all those people, how I should just stop when I reach the wall, etc. It almost convinced me I could not do it, who did I think I was signing up for a 200m competition? My only answer to those thoughts was "just keep going, one stroke at a time". The Mental was very loud though and it didn't care for my positive and reassuring thoughts. It was the most awful battle I have ever had with The Mental. If I hadn't been in the water, I would have started crying. And then something happened with 3 laps to go.. All the others were done and I hit rock bottom thinking of how much I sucked. Suddenly, everyone started to cheer me on as if I was about to win an Olympic medal or something. At first, I was ashamed that it meant they were all looking at me and thinking how much I sucked, but then I told The Mental to shut the fuck up and take this for what it was: encouragement from people who have been there too. They too have been slower - most were not born a fast swimmer. Their cheers meant that they supported me in my efforts and admired me for signing up for this distance and continuing on even when everyone else was done. The Mental tried to tell me I sucked, but I did not listen to it for the last few laps of my 200m swim. I finished in 5:30.8.
I had a great time at the swim meet and I believe I broke some mental barriers I had about swimming in a competitive environment. There will be another swim meet in the fall and I'm pretty sure I'll sign up for the 200m again, just to see how far I have come.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Lessons Learned from 2010
It has taken me a while to sit down and write this post, but I have been thinking about it for about a month. 2010 has been a difficult year for me, but I have learned a lot about myself during this challenging year.
As we approach the one-year anniversary of my stomach infection & hospitalization in Mexico, I realize how much impact this infection has had on my physical and mental health in 2010. I haven't had many days when I felt fine, other than the blissful days when I was off work in April and could take all the time in the world to sleep and eat well, to exercise and meditate. 2010 has been a year of anxiety surrounding my health. I burned out, I ate little, I spent many hours awake in the night worrying about my physical and mental health and the future in general. Honestly, I'm not sure how I managed to remain somewhat functionnal when I was experiencing such a high level of anxiety.
In 2010, I have learned that I can live with anxiety, even when it seems like it is taking control of me. I have learned that I don't need food to comfort me - in fact, eating my emotions made everything worse. I have learned that I need to respect my body, or it will turn its back on me. I have learned that if I get sick, it means that I haven't been living according to my values and limitations. I have found my limits. I am working on accepting them.
Towards the end of the year, I have realized how to be kinder to myself, really. I understood that I'm the only one responsible for my well-being and that I can take care of myself without putting additional pressure on myself. I am now aware of the problems in my professional life, and I have an idea on how to bring more satisfaction to my daily life. It may never be a carreer in itself, but it would make my life more interesting to pursue this idea.
I know that I am strong enough to manage if I take days one at a time. I will be fine.
Now, I wouldn't mind having less learning opportunities in 2011!
As we approach the one-year anniversary of my stomach infection & hospitalization in Mexico, I realize how much impact this infection has had on my physical and mental health in 2010. I haven't had many days when I felt fine, other than the blissful days when I was off work in April and could take all the time in the world to sleep and eat well, to exercise and meditate. 2010 has been a year of anxiety surrounding my health. I burned out, I ate little, I spent many hours awake in the night worrying about my physical and mental health and the future in general. Honestly, I'm not sure how I managed to remain somewhat functionnal when I was experiencing such a high level of anxiety.
In 2010, I have learned that I can live with anxiety, even when it seems like it is taking control of me. I have learned that I don't need food to comfort me - in fact, eating my emotions made everything worse. I have learned that I need to respect my body, or it will turn its back on me. I have learned that if I get sick, it means that I haven't been living according to my values and limitations. I have found my limits. I am working on accepting them.
Towards the end of the year, I have realized how to be kinder to myself, really. I understood that I'm the only one responsible for my well-being and that I can take care of myself without putting additional pressure on myself. I am now aware of the problems in my professional life, and I have an idea on how to bring more satisfaction to my daily life. It may never be a carreer in itself, but it would make my life more interesting to pursue this idea.
I know that I am strong enough to manage if I take days one at a time. I will be fine.
Now, I wouldn't mind having less learning opportunities in 2011!
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Running!
After a few months of very minimal running, it looks like I am finally back at it! This summer has been brutal for me: every run was difficult and disapointing. Each time I went out, I felt like I was going to die. Seriously, it was so tough! Neither the body nor the mental wanted to run, so I decided to focus on swimming and biking instead. Now that biking season is over, I find myself wanting to do more exercise than just the two swims a week that I am currently doing.
And so I got the running shoes out of the closet and went for a run at lunch the other day. What a gorgeous day it was for a run! Sunny, no wind, 7 degrees. Perfect. And the best part? My run wasn't even that difficult. I felt light and happy and it was a nice change from feeling like I was on the verge of passing out.
I didn't want to get too excited too soon, so I cautiously went for another run yesterday. Aaaah! Endorphins, how I have missed you. I ran/walked happily, without having to talk myself into continuing or not going home. I just ran and enjoyed it! If all my runs are now that enjoyable, it should be easy to get me into a running routine again.
I've been unwell since the summer and I think this would explain why running was so difficult. My digestive issues now seem to be under control and I'm recovering nicely because I'm following a strict diet as best I can. I hope I'm back at it for good, now! :-)
And so I got the running shoes out of the closet and went for a run at lunch the other day. What a gorgeous day it was for a run! Sunny, no wind, 7 degrees. Perfect. And the best part? My run wasn't even that difficult. I felt light and happy and it was a nice change from feeling like I was on the verge of passing out.
I didn't want to get too excited too soon, so I cautiously went for another run yesterday. Aaaah! Endorphins, how I have missed you. I ran/walked happily, without having to talk myself into continuing or not going home. I just ran and enjoyed it! If all my runs are now that enjoyable, it should be easy to get me into a running routine again.
I've been unwell since the summer and I think this would explain why running was so difficult. My digestive issues now seem to be under control and I'm recovering nicely because I'm following a strict diet as best I can. I hope I'm back at it for good, now! :-)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Swimming with the Triathlon Club
I signed up for the Ottawa Triathlon Club's swim program. It means that I swim with the club every Sunday night, from 8-9pm. I have done two session with the club so far and I am enjoying it. I like how they are deconstructing the stroke so that we practice one aspect every week. I also like how you go at your own pace - we do drills for a set amount of time rather than for a certain distance, so the more advanced swimmers are not slowed down by the slowest ones.
I am enjoying getting some structure into my swim workouts. It's good to know that all I have to do is show up, and do what I am being told. I also like how it is not boring to swim with the group, compared to swimming laps on Tuesdays. I find that when I only swim laps, I get bored after 750m, so I tend to stop there. Whereas with the triathlon club, I swam 1,200m the other day and I was not bored at all!
I'm trying to swim twice a week right now. I much prefer swimming to running and sometimes I think I should just swim 3 times a week and only run once or twice, but my skin is not liking being in the pool "so much", so I have to take it easy.
I think I'm going to become a much stronger swimmer this year. :-) I wish I hadn't lost my running mojo as I am now thinking that even though my swimming will improve, there will still be something holding me back in triathlons: the running. Meh.
I am enjoying getting some structure into my swim workouts. It's good to know that all I have to do is show up, and do what I am being told. I also like how it is not boring to swim with the group, compared to swimming laps on Tuesdays. I find that when I only swim laps, I get bored after 750m, so I tend to stop there. Whereas with the triathlon club, I swam 1,200m the other day and I was not bored at all!
I'm trying to swim twice a week right now. I much prefer swimming to running and sometimes I think I should just swim 3 times a week and only run once or twice, but my skin is not liking being in the pool "so much", so I have to take it easy.
I think I'm going to become a much stronger swimmer this year. :-) I wish I hadn't lost my running mojo as I am now thinking that even though my swimming will improve, there will still be something holding me back in triathlons: the running. Meh.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Défi aérien du Camp Fortune
Le 17 septembre, j'ai complété le Défi aérien du Camp Fortune. Ouf! Que d'émotions. Le parcours consiste en une série de défis et de tyroliennes, à relever à plusieurs mètres du sol, attachés par un harnais. Je n'étais pas des plus enthousiastes à relever ce défi, mais étant de nature participative, je me suis dis que j'essaierais.
Je croyais avoir peur des hauteurs, mais en réalité, je n'ai pas vraiment eu de difficulté avec l'aspect "hauteurs" de la chose. C'est plutôt les montées dans les échelles qui me rendaient vraiment anxieuses, mais je ne comprends pas trop pourquoi. Certains obstacles étaient plutôt faciles et demandaient seulement un peu de concentration alors que d'autres obstacles étaient vraiment difficiles et demandaient un très bon sens de l'équilibre et beaucoup de courage.
J'ai été surprise par mon habileté à faire confiance à mon équipement. Quand on faisait les tyroliennes, on devait se lancer dans le vide et croire que notre équipement nous protégerait des chutes. Ça demandait un laisser-aller assez fort, mais le jeu en valait la chandelle parce que c'était vraiment amusant!
Après l'aventure, qui a duré environ 2 heures, j'ai été prise d'une sorte d'état de choc parce que j'avais vraiment repoussé mes limites mentales pendant l'activité. J'en ai eu pour plus de 24 heures à avoir des nausées, une grande fatigue et une agitation qui ne m'est pas habituelle. C'est probablement l'adrénaline qui quittait tranquillement mon corps...
Je referais le défi, mais j'aimerais mieux attendre l'année prochaine, quand j'aurai oublié à quel point j'ai eu peur!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
JF's First Marathon
On September 5th, JF participated in the Montreal Marathon. This first marathon has been years in the making because JF got injured a few weeks before each of his two previous attempts. The saying says third time's a charm and after hours of training, JF got to the start line of his first marathon. It was an almost perfect day to run a marathon: the temperature was about 18 degrees, with a mix of sun and clouds. However, the wind was cold and strong, and it made the race challenging on a few occasions.
JF was running with his friend Éric and I was cheering with Éric's wife, Karine, and their 4 year-old son. The race started at 8:40 in the morning. Karine and I planned to cheer them on at the 5K point, on Saint-Hélène Island. When they passed by us, they looked strong and happy.
We then took the subway back to Old Montreal, where we waited a long time for them around the 18K mark. Once again, they ran by us with bright smiles and they looked strong.
We then walked to the corner of Ste-Catherine and Berri (25K mark) and cheered the Full and Half marathoners on, while we waited for JF and Éric. Sonia saw us and we cheered for her: she looked good! I got very emotional at some point, seeing all those people suffering in front of us. Some looked better than others and you could not help but feel a little bit of their pain.
When Éric and JF finally made it to where we were, they didn't look so good. Éric looked like he was suffering a bit, but JF looked like hell. He ran towards me and told me 'this is so tough', but I didn't know if he needed a word of encouragement, or a hug, or just to tell me how he was feeling so I just stood there, feeling powerless at helping him. I got very worried and I wondered if he would be OK. All sorts of things were going through my head as we took the subway from Berri-UQAM to Rosemont. I was so worried!
We saw Sonia again at Rosemont and she seemed to be having a good time with her Significant Other. She was all smiles!
When JF and Éric passed us at the 31K mark, they both seemed to be in better spirits. They seemed to be in pain physically, but I knew the dark clouds hovering over their head was gone and that they were going to finish. What a relief! I was so scared of not seeing them at Rosemont, that JF would call it a day and take the subway back home with me, or that he would have been taken to a hospital. Having no idea what happened between 17K and 25K, every worst-case scenario going through my head seemed likely.
I was also starting to feel achy and tired from all this running around and cheering. By 31K, my ankles were on fire and my throat was really sore. I could have lied down to rest for a little while, but there was no time to be lost and as soon as we saw Éric and JF at 31K, we ran like mad women to the subway. We were hoping to make it to Pie-IX at the 37K mark before them, but we had to take 2 different subway lines and time was tight. We were lucky that we catched the 2nd subway as soon as we got to the station. We ran up the Pie IX hill, me pushing the stroller with the kid in it and my friend trying to call her in-laws and find our friends who had come to join us at this point. We made it to the corner of Pie IX and Rachel a few minutes before Éric and JF. When we saw them, JF was definitely looking better but you could tell Éric was digging deep to finish.
We started walking towards our final cheering point at the Olympic Stadium. We stopped on the side of the course at the Marathon Door, where all the runners were coming into the Stadium for their final kick. It was a very emotional place: some runners looked ecstatic, others were in tears, in shock, in pain. I cheered my loudest at this point and saw Sonia's fiancé run by. I was a bit worried about Sonia but thought she must have made it in faster than L.-A. (turned out I was wrong, she crossed the finish line 10 minutes after L.-A.). When I finally saw JF, he was running in front of Éric and he looked like he was very, very angry. When he saw me, he ran towards me, pumped his fist in the air and said "I %?%$?)_* got it done!"
This is where I started crying. All this work, all these years, the difficult race he seemed to have had - and there he was, a few meters from the finish line. I was so proud of him for being so tough. I was so happy he got his happy ending. Éric crossed the finish line 1 second ahead of JF and then we all celebrated.
A few weeks after the race, I'm still in awe at JF's accomplishment. It took a lot of mental strenght, determination and courage to get through the training and then the race. What an achievement! Now that I have seen all it takes to finish a marathon, I honestly don't think I have it. I'm OK with that and I'm glad I could live this experience vicariously through JF.
JF was running with his friend Éric and I was cheering with Éric's wife, Karine, and their 4 year-old son. The race started at 8:40 in the morning. Karine and I planned to cheer them on at the 5K point, on Saint-Hélène Island. When they passed by us, they looked strong and happy.
We then took the subway back to Old Montreal, where we waited a long time for them around the 18K mark. Once again, they ran by us with bright smiles and they looked strong.
We then walked to the corner of Ste-Catherine and Berri (25K mark) and cheered the Full and Half marathoners on, while we waited for JF and Éric. Sonia saw us and we cheered for her: she looked good! I got very emotional at some point, seeing all those people suffering in front of us. Some looked better than others and you could not help but feel a little bit of their pain.
When Éric and JF finally made it to where we were, they didn't look so good. Éric looked like he was suffering a bit, but JF looked like hell. He ran towards me and told me 'this is so tough', but I didn't know if he needed a word of encouragement, or a hug, or just to tell me how he was feeling so I just stood there, feeling powerless at helping him. I got very worried and I wondered if he would be OK. All sorts of things were going through my head as we took the subway from Berri-UQAM to Rosemont. I was so worried!
We saw Sonia again at Rosemont and she seemed to be having a good time with her Significant Other. She was all smiles!
When JF and Éric passed us at the 31K mark, they both seemed to be in better spirits. They seemed to be in pain physically, but I knew the dark clouds hovering over their head was gone and that they were going to finish. What a relief! I was so scared of not seeing them at Rosemont, that JF would call it a day and take the subway back home with me, or that he would have been taken to a hospital. Having no idea what happened between 17K and 25K, every worst-case scenario going through my head seemed likely.
I was also starting to feel achy and tired from all this running around and cheering. By 31K, my ankles were on fire and my throat was really sore. I could have lied down to rest for a little while, but there was no time to be lost and as soon as we saw Éric and JF at 31K, we ran like mad women to the subway. We were hoping to make it to Pie-IX at the 37K mark before them, but we had to take 2 different subway lines and time was tight. We were lucky that we catched the 2nd subway as soon as we got to the station. We ran up the Pie IX hill, me pushing the stroller with the kid in it and my friend trying to call her in-laws and find our friends who had come to join us at this point. We made it to the corner of Pie IX and Rachel a few minutes before Éric and JF. When we saw them, JF was definitely looking better but you could tell Éric was digging deep to finish.
We started walking towards our final cheering point at the Olympic Stadium. We stopped on the side of the course at the Marathon Door, where all the runners were coming into the Stadium for their final kick. It was a very emotional place: some runners looked ecstatic, others were in tears, in shock, in pain. I cheered my loudest at this point and saw Sonia's fiancé run by. I was a bit worried about Sonia but thought she must have made it in faster than L.-A. (turned out I was wrong, she crossed the finish line 10 minutes after L.-A.). When I finally saw JF, he was running in front of Éric and he looked like he was very, very angry. When he saw me, he ran towards me, pumped his fist in the air and said "I %?%$?)_* got it done!"
This is where I started crying. All this work, all these years, the difficult race he seemed to have had - and there he was, a few meters from the finish line. I was so proud of him for being so tough. I was so happy he got his happy ending. Éric crossed the finish line 1 second ahead of JF and then we all celebrated.A few weeks after the race, I'm still in awe at JF's accomplishment. It took a lot of mental strenght, determination and courage to get through the training and then the race. What an achievement! Now that I have seen all it takes to finish a marathon, I honestly don't think I have it. I'm OK with that and I'm glad I could live this experience vicariously through JF.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
I've been thinking...
Lately, I haven't felt the love for running. In fact, I haven't run more than once and sometimes twice a week since July. I'm having a hard time with all the heat, the sun and the humidity we've had this Summer. I have also not been feeling very good lately, and I think I found the culprit this morning: my seasonal allergies. They are not as bad as usual this year, which is why it took me so long to figure it out, but the symptoms drain my energy nonetheless. I went to the doctor this morning to get some nasal spray and it should help me get back to normal.
Anyway, I've been wondering if I had fallen out of love with running and if I should just give up. I was talking to a friend this week, trying to put all my thoughts together to make her understand how I felt. She told me she knew a lot of people who didn't run, or ran a lot less, in the Summer. These people were the same as me: people who have a hard time with the heat, humidity and allergies. Interesting.
So, I started to devise a seasonal training plan, where I would run from September to May and where I would allow myself to run only when I want from June to August. This would give me the flexibility to not run during heat waves or during insane allergy peaks, and it would remove a lot of the pressure I put on myself all the time. My plan also includes riding my bike outside from April to November and taking a break from it the rest of the time. Again, it wouldn't mean I wouldn't ride at all the rest of the year, but it would mean I wouldn't put pressure on myself to ride on the dreaded trainer in the winter. I would replace some of the biking with yoga: i'll do yoga on the weekends in winter instead of going for a long bike ride. For swimming, I thought i'd swim all year. I usually swim once a week, but because I'm joining the swim group with the triathlon club this fall, I think i'll aim for twice a week, except when it's -40 outside and I feel like taking a mini-break.
I also started thinking about long-term goals, such as:
- being able to ride and swim the Half-Ironman distance in 2012 (1.9K swim and 90K bike);
- doing my first Sprint Triathlon in 2011;
- being able to run 10K sometime in 2011;
- doing my first Olympic Triathlon in 2012;
- doing my first Half-Marathon in 2013 or 2014;
- doing my first Half-Ironman in 2015.
I'm not sure those are all possible, but I like the idea of working towards a goal and having a dream (Half-Ironman).
Now, I only have to make it through this week's heat wave and I'll be able to start to run again.
Anyway, I've been wondering if I had fallen out of love with running and if I should just give up. I was talking to a friend this week, trying to put all my thoughts together to make her understand how I felt. She told me she knew a lot of people who didn't run, or ran a lot less, in the Summer. These people were the same as me: people who have a hard time with the heat, humidity and allergies. Interesting.
So, I started to devise a seasonal training plan, where I would run from September to May and where I would allow myself to run only when I want from June to August. This would give me the flexibility to not run during heat waves or during insane allergy peaks, and it would remove a lot of the pressure I put on myself all the time. My plan also includes riding my bike outside from April to November and taking a break from it the rest of the time. Again, it wouldn't mean I wouldn't ride at all the rest of the year, but it would mean I wouldn't put pressure on myself to ride on the dreaded trainer in the winter. I would replace some of the biking with yoga: i'll do yoga on the weekends in winter instead of going for a long bike ride. For swimming, I thought i'd swim all year. I usually swim once a week, but because I'm joining the swim group with the triathlon club this fall, I think i'll aim for twice a week, except when it's -40 outside and I feel like taking a mini-break.
I also started thinking about long-term goals, such as:
- being able to ride and swim the Half-Ironman distance in 2012 (1.9K swim and 90K bike);
- doing my first Sprint Triathlon in 2011;
- being able to run 10K sometime in 2011;
- doing my first Olympic Triathlon in 2012;
- doing my first Half-Marathon in 2013 or 2014;
- doing my first Half-Ironman in 2015.
I'm not sure those are all possible, but I like the idea of working towards a goal and having a dream (Half-Ironman).
Now, I only have to make it through this week's heat wave and I'll be able to start to run again.
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