The best summer of my life?

From the outside, people wouldn’t say this summer could possibly be the best summer of my life. However, when I think about it, it might as well be.

In March, I felt a lot of mental pain. My annual seasonal affective disorder hit very hard this year because of the imposed inactivity and sun rays blocking following my laser eye surgery. At the beginning of April, the cloud lifted, thanks to longer days and to an incredible training month. April has been the best running month of my life so far. During that month, I went beyond the mental barriers that were holding me back. I pushed through that invisible wall and I could finally say that I was conquering my mental during my runs. It was an incredible feeling, to be able to shut the inner critic down during my runs, and this new state of mind was also impacting my personal life. All of a sudden, everything seemed possible… and then I injured myself big time.

Since the end of April, I’ve felt a lot of physical pain. It all started with an abdominal injury that kept me off from running, biking or swimming for over a month. During that month, I sank into a depressive state and everything seemed complicated and difficult. I had to let go of my goal of doing my first Sprint Tri and I felt a lot of anger about it. I felt as if all these hours I had spent in the pool would have been better used doing other things. I felt like a victim and I was terribly worried that I would have lost all that I had built in the last few months, both from my fitness and my mental toughness.

Then, I broke down and someone shook me up. She stopped me dead in my tracks, made me realize I am not a victim and that I had something to learn from this injury: that injuries suck, but they are a part of life that you can’t always control. Therefore, you have to learn to manage them to keep your mental balance when they occur. She told me I should be more compassionate towards myself, that I should take care of myself instead of making myself a victim. That afternoon, that woman flicked a switch.

A week later, I volunteered at the Early Bird Triathlon. I had a few tears in my eyes that morning, but I cheered very enthusiastically for the athletes that ran by my water station. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the race, even if I wasn’t participating in it. I had a very good time and it felt good to give back to the triathlon community.

Another week passed and I volunteered again, this time at the race kit pick-up of NCM. Again, I had a few tears when I got to the Expo, picked up my kit knowing I wouldn’t run the race. But I put all that behind me and I did my best to enjoy every minute of the best running weekend in Ottawa! On Saturday night, I went out and cheered for JF who was running the 5K (instead of the marathon he had trained so hard for) and then for the 10K runners. My friend Nancy was running this race after coming back from months of injuries. I was so very proud of both JF and Nancy for being such great sports – even though neither achieved their original goals, they did the best they could in the circumstances and to me, this is what running is all about. On Sunday morning, I cheered the marathoners and half-marathoners like crazy: not just the runners that I knew – everybody! Man, did I have a great time! A lot of runners thanked me for cheering them on and I was very happy I could be there to help them during their race. At the group dinner that night, I congratulated everyone and did my best not to talk about my injury: it wasn’t my day, I could talk about my injury any other day. That day was about celebrating my runner friends and I had a wonderful time.

I started running again by mid-June and then I had my bike accident. Every minute of my life was painful; every sneeze a torture, every movement a battle. The basic things in life became painful: dressing up, taking a shower, getting in and out of bed… I physically hurt non-stop for the next two weeks... and just as I was starting to get a tiny bit better, I broke my toe. More pain, even more restrictions in my movements. This time, I couldn’t even walk. My upper body was a mess and now I couldn’t stand up. This was a joke, right? This had to be a joke.

And then, I remembered what I was told back in April: that this was a good time for me to learn how to manage injuries, so that I wouldn’t become depressed whenever I got one. I decided to do just that. I started keeping my mind busy with stuff that I didn’t have time for when I was training a lot: cooking and baking, cleaning, organizing, reading, seeing people. I cheered a lot and I hung out with my runner/triathlon friends. I celebrated their successes and supported them through their rough patches.

I also kept my mind full of positive thoughts. There were tough days, but I didn’t become depressed. For me, this is huge. I conquered my mind. I’m stronger than the effects of the lack of endorphins on my brain. I can control my brain, provide it with the much needed serotonin so that it doesn’t go into depression mode. I won. I conquered. I’m the boss of my own mood. I am in control. I’ve done it once, and I can do it again. I’ll just have to remember that I have it in me, that the power is there and that all I have to do is unleash it. I’ll just have to look back to the summer of 2008 to understand how much more powerful I am now.

I don’t know if I have ever been more proud of myself than I am right now. I keep thinking about how well I handled this summer and I am amazed that I could keep sane. I am much more capable than I give myself credit for.

And this, my friends, is worth a lot more than any medal I could have gotten this summer. Was it the best summer of my life? I think it might have been!