It has taken me a while to sit down and write this post, but I have been thinking about it for about a month. 2010 has been a difficult year for me, but I have learned a lot about myself during this challenging year.
As we approach the one-year anniversary of my stomach infection & hospitalization in Mexico, I realize how much impact this infection has had on my physical and mental health in 2010. I haven't had many days when I felt fine, other than the blissful days when I was off work in April and could take all the time in the world to sleep and eat well, to exercise and meditate. 2010 has been a year of anxiety surrounding my health. I burned out, I ate little, I spent many hours awake in the night worrying about my physical and mental health and the future in general. Honestly, I'm not sure how I managed to remain somewhat functionnal when I was experiencing such a high level of anxiety.
In 2010, I have learned that I can live with anxiety, even when it seems like it is taking control of me. I have learned that I don't need food to comfort me - in fact, eating my emotions made everything worse. I have learned that I need to respect my body, or it will turn its back on me. I have learned that if I get sick, it means that I haven't been living according to my values and limitations. I have found my limits. I am working on accepting them.
Towards the end of the year, I have realized how to be kinder to myself, really. I understood that I'm the only one responsible for my well-being and that I can take care of myself without putting additional pressure on myself. I am now aware of the problems in my professional life, and I have an idea on how to bring more satisfaction to my daily life. It may never be a carreer in itself, but it would make my life more interesting to pursue this idea.
I know that I am strong enough to manage if I take days one at a time. I will be fine.
Now, I wouldn't mind having less learning opportunities in 2011!