Monday, March 19, 2007

I believed... and ran 8K!

After my terrible PMS last week, I got back into a more positive attitude over the weekend. I was very nerveous about my first 8K run, which was planned for Sunday morning, but I decided to try to be positive about it and to look forward to it. To me, 8K was a very important milestone, because 8K is closer to 10K than it is to 5K...

On Sunday morning, I felt good. I would even say I felt calm. I had all sorts of positive thoughts in my mind, such as "You can do it", "Take it one KM at a time" and "Enjoy the journey". However, right at the beginning of my run, I started to visualize the word "BELIEVE" written in big bold letters on the window in front of the treadmill. I said it in my head many times, and it helped make the run less difficult. This 7-letter word turned something difficult into something wonderful. :-)

I believe.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I'm done

I am having a terrible day today, which involves a lot of crying... thinking and more crying. I have never wanted to reach my objectives to feel good about myself, I wanted to reach them in order to get recognition from people from whom I should not be expecting any. Why is it that as you grow older, your parents care less and less about you and you care more and more about them? I am reconsidering the reasons why I want to run and do triathlons, and until I come up with something better than "to get some recognition from others", I decided to put my plans on hold.

I will continue to train for my first 10K, but I'm not so sure about my other plans. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

My first outside run of 2007

Tonight, I took my running outside, after almost 4 months of treadmill running. Since I took up running 2 years ago, my first outside run in the Spring always took place in Vancouver because I travelled there for work. I always had a wonderful experience when doing this run - nature was blooming, the air smelt fresh, the sun was warm...

With all these memories in mind, I put on my running shoes today, expecting nothing less than pure bliss. I didn't get this. I was tired from a long day at work, nothing is blooming and the air smelt of exhaust because the only place I could run was on the side of the road. So much for a wonderful invigorating run!

I was so nerveous about this run. I had doubts I could run for 10 minutes outside, like I can on the treadmill. Determined to run for 10 minutes, I headed out and toughed the longest 10 minutes ever. Then I crashed, and ran 2 minutes, walked, then ran 5 minutes and then walked back home. I had calves cramps during the whole thing, which could have been caused by uneven pavement or the small incline on the road. I was also running too fast, although I felt like I was slowing myself down the whole time.

To borrow one of The Killer's lines from their song This River is Wild: tonight, I didn't like the line I walked (or should I say, ran).

I'm trying to focus on the upside, and the upside is that I was able to run for 10 minutes straight and that the first run outside is now behind me. It can only get better from here! Right?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

The hardest thing I have ever done

Training for my first 10K is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is so difficult mentally to do all my runs and complete my distances that I really wonder how some people can run longer distances. This week is a cut-back week, so my long run today was only 5K. It should not have been hard, but it took everything I had to tough it out. I was thinking about how hard this was during my run and I was overwhelmed by a feeling of sadness and self-doubt.

I feel like every time I go out for a run, a swim, a ride, a walk, a strenght training session, that I am fighting against my non-athletic genes. I can't help wanting to be a runner, just like everyone else. I want it easy, just like other people, who start running and run a Half- or a Full-Marathon a year later. I feel like such an imposter, sometimes, pretending to be a runner or even a triathlete.

Of course I can be a runner, of course I can complete a triathlon, but how can I ever be a Marathoner when I struggle so much through my 10K training? What if what I want the most is out of my reach? What if i'm never good enough in my own eyes? Why can't I just be satisfied with what I can do? Why must I push myself out of my comfort zone all the time? Why, oh why, am I being so demanding towards myself?

People tell me that I will appreciate it more when I reach my goal, and I hope it's true. This training is very hard mentally and I hope it pays off.

On a brighter note, I bought myself (another) running skirt today: the Brooks Motion skort. I already have the 2006 model and I love it. When I saw there was a turquoise one this year, I had to get it. Good news: they had it at the Running Room and I fit into a Medium! :-) Last year, I got the Large because the Medium wouldn't fit. Despite the lack of movement on the scale, I'm losing inches! Yay!