Fear

I've been riding my road bike on the trainer a few times last week and my hybrid bike on road paths a few times as well. I didn't have any problems with those rides, other than when I was outside, I was riding very slowly.

Today, I went for a bike ride with JF. I rode my road bike on the closed Ottawa River Parkway. We need to ride on the side of the street to get to the Parkway and man, was that a miserable experience for me. I was very nerveous to be around cars and I kept having "visions" of cars hitting me and the pain I would feel if it happened. At some point, I even told myself that if it happened, I would be dead and I wouldn't feel a thing or I would be unconscious and I wouldn't feel the pain. On the bridge crossing over to Ottawa, we ride on the side of the road. There is a ramp to go to a park. When I got there, I looked over my shoulder to make sure no car was turning onto this ramp. Sure enough, there was a big black SUV on the lane, but it wasn't turning or coming towards me, but still, my heart rate went way up, I started sweating and a deep fear took a hold of me.

When we got on the Parkway, things got worse. There were bikes and rollerbladers everywhere. There were kids on bikes not looking where they were going. There were people using the full width of the lane so that they could chat while riding their bikes. I constantly had to make my way through people and I was so scared that one of them would change direction suddenly and I would crash. I could see it very clearly: me flying from my bike and hurting so much all over again. I could almost physically feel the pain. At some point, I started crying. All I wanted to do was to stop on the side of the road and wait for JF to pick me up. I just couldn't do it... but I kept going.

It was 13K of pure fear. I kept telling myself that if I fell, I would be dead and I wouldn't feel the pain. I kept picturing all the ways I could have an accident and hurt myself. I was hypervigilent to all sorts of dangers, most of them dangers that I was making up. I'm not the same person I was before my accident. I hope that I will feel safe again on my road bike one day, but I don't know...

I looked up the definitions and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Fortunately, my symptoms are not as intense or as debilitating as those of PTSD. However, they're like a mild version of PTSD. I hope I can work through this on my own.

Back on the Bike!

My toe seems to be healing very well. It still looks weird, but its mobility comes back a little more everyday. I can bend it half-way now, which is a huge improvement! I walk with the slightest of limps and I hope to walk normally again in the next week, once the mobility is back 100%.

My ribs and shoulders/upper back are still hurting a lot, though. My osteopath is on vacation this week, and I will leave him a desperate message to see me when he comes back. I'm thinking that the upper back pain is most probably affecting the ribs pain. Maybe if I get the shoulders/upper back fixed, then I'm hopeful that the ribs pain will go away.

So... I got back on my bike on Sunday! My fitness level is terrible.. Yikes! I'm grateful to be able to ride my bike and I'm planning on improving my fitness by riding my bike. Because I'm not sure when I'll be able to run or swim, I'll concentrate on getting some exercise through biking for now. When I go back to work next week, I'll ride my bike for my commute. I think that if I take things one at a time, I'll get back to where I have once been. Stay tuned...

Yay for vacations!

FINALLY... we're on vacation! I didn't think I would make it. Between the high stress at work in the past few months and the frustration of being injured all the time, my energy levels have gone down. You don't realize how great it is to be healthy until you're in pain for 3 months staight. I will make sure I remember that and be grateful everyday for my good health when it comes back. :-)

Last week, my physio freaked me out about my toe. When I showed it to her, she said "Oh my God! Did you show this to a doctor?" I said I did and that it was broken. I said I was a little worried because it was a little twisted and pointing downward. She said "yeah, it looks like it may be dislocated. If it was my toe, I would go see a doctor in the next few days". YIKES! So, I didn't sleep much that night, imagining the impact of having my toe reset on our upcoming vacation. I think I was less worried about the pain than I was about the plans we'd have to cancel...

So, off I went to the doctor once again on Thursday morning. The doctor thought it looked like it may be dislocated, so she recommended that I get another set of x-rays just to make sure. She said I could go to a nearby hospital and informed me that it didn't matter that I was a Quebec resident: they would accept my Quebec card at the Ontario hospital. I got great service once I got there and I was out in less than 90 minutes! The doctor said my toe was healing nicely, but that there was still a lot of swelling and that maybe the swelling caused my toe to look displaced. Also, because the fracture was right next to the joint, it looked worst. He said he could try to make it perfect, but that maybe he could make it worst instead. Anyway, all is healing well and I will be fine. Yay!

So, now is the time for a well-deserved vacation. Yay!

It started off very well. I went cheering on some fellow Maniacs at the National Capital Triathlon this morning: Jesse who was doing her first Olympic Tri, Cynthia who was doing her first triathlon ever and Vicki who came all the way from Vancouver to do a Try-a-Tri. ;-) Vicki's husband was doing the Swim-Cycle, but I never saw him until he was finished so I couldn't cheer him on. Everyone had a good time and I had fun being the cheerleader once again. After the triathlon, we had Vicki's family and Cynthia over for lunch and we had a good time.

Yay for vacation!

Coping with injuries

I always say that challenges life throws at you are learning opportunities. I have always had a hard time dealing with injuries: I get depressed and I go into victim mode very easily. I usually overeat and tune out from the rest of the world when I'm injured. I'm a big whiner and it's worse when I'm injured.

Having been injured almost non-stop for 3 months now, I had my share of challenges. I had to learn to grieve for the goals that would not be achieved and the excitement that wouldn't be had. I had to learn to find other ways to keep myself busy while injured. I had to talk to myself non-stop so that I wouldn't fall into the deep well of depression. It has been a constant battle, and it will probably continue for another month or so before I'm out of the woods, relatively speaking. I had to refrain from eating my emotions - I didn't gain a single pound (yet), and this is a huge success! I had to make efforts to reach out to others and be in the company of people who cared and were compassionate, but who didn't fuel my feeling of being a victim. It's been a delicate balance to achieve, and some days I'm better at it than others. But I'm alive... I'm angry, but I'm okay... I'm learning the hard way, but I'm okay...

In the end, I'll be okay. This is what I have to focus on.

IMLP 2008

Today was a very exciting day: Ironman Lake Placid. I'm always energized and inspired to watch people complete their Ironman. This year, my friend James was doing his first and it was awesome to wait for him at the finish line, from the comfort of my home office. Congratulations James!

I am focusing on the excitement of other people's successes rather than on my own roadblocks and I like that better. Sure, I got a little teared up earlier tonight when I thought that I would not come close to a finish line any time soon, but being sad is much more manageable than being angry or feeling sorry for myself.

Small victory: I can now walk (limp) around the house. I was even able to run a few errands today, but I paid for it and had to take ibuprofen and stay off my feet when I got home. Tomorrow is back to work - I've been working from home last week. I'm a little bit stressed about the commute, because my only option is to take the bus and then wait for a shuttle. I'm not sure what time I'll get to my desk and I'm feeling a little guilty, but at the same time, it's not my fault if our office is in a crappy location with no possibility of daily parking. I don't perform miracles and since I'm on my own here, that's the best I can come up with. OK, I'm angry with that part: I can't believe my commute is so complicated, simply because walking 1.5K each way is out of the question for now.

So... I did a bit of thinking and I'm thinking I could do the Try-a-Tri at the Last Chance Triathlon on September 21. This race is 10 weeks after my fracture, and I should be able to run at least a little by then. This Try-a-Tri is 100m swim, 11K bike and 3K run. I can definitely pull it off. If my recovery goes well and I feel bold, I'll still do the Sprint Tri to seek some redemption and show the world that I can get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down. hehehe

Broken Toe

My bad luck this year continues... I broke a toe on Saturday night. It may be dislocated too, I'll find out when I get more x-rays done tomorrow.

I was just starting to recover from my bike crash. In fact, the day I broke my toe was the day that I got back on my bike for the first time since the crash! I didn't get x-rays done after the bike crash, but I know that three ribs were either bruised, cracked or broken, that my cheekbone took the hit and that I bruised the bone to the side of my little finger despite the fact that I was wearing cycling gloves. My road rash on my shoulder recovered nicely, but the shoulder itself is messed up from the crash. I'm getting ART for it and it's helping.

So, I got on my bike last Saturday and went for a short ride. My shoulder and neck were hurting a lot while on the bike and I was scared of something else happening to me during my ride. I used my breaks a lot on downhills - which sucks, I was just starting to be more comfortable with speed! The most important thing though is that I enjoyed my ride.

Then, I broke and possibly dislocated my toe while going down the stairs that night. Should have done some speed on the bike! :p

What started out as a great training year turns into a succession of injuries. This is very frustrating.

Bike Crash

Yesterday, I wanted to go for a bike ride, because we'd been eating lots over the long weekend and I wanted to get some exercise in. JF offered to come with me, and off we went for a slow fun ride. We turned around after about 9km, and 0.5K into our ride back home, we saw a turtle on the bike path. JF decided to stop to move it away from the bike path. I was following too close and was in a gaining speed phase, and I hit JF at 20km/h+. All I remember is seeing my front wheel hit his back wheel and then my face was hitting the pavement.

As it turns out, I tried to break and hit JF's back wheel, went over my handlebars, fell on my left shoulder then on my face. I couldn't breathe at first, and all I could think was that I had to move to the side of the bike path or else, another cyclist would hit me and it would hurt a lot. I couldn't move, because every movement was painful. I managed to move to the side of the bike path but I still couldn't breathe much. Then, I started losing vision from the left eye and I started saying "I'm gonna pass out, I'm gonna pass out". A woman had stopped and she told JF to pour cold water on my back. It helped - I didn't pass out.

I sat on the groud for a few minutes, trying to assess the situation. At that point, I knew I would have a bad road rash on my shoulder and I was concerned about broken ribs and/or broken jaw bone. My face was pounding and every breath was painful. I couldn't take a deep breath without having excruciating pain.

Eventually, I got up. I looked at my bike - the front wheel will need to be fixed, the handlebar was twisted and the seat has a inch-long tear in it. I tried to get on my bike, because we were 8.5K from home, but it was way too painful. We decided that JF would bike home to get the car, and I would bike to the nearest intersection with a street and wait for him there. I started walking on the grass beside the bike path. As luck would have it, there was a snake a few cm from my feet. I was too shocked to react, but it scared me and I decided to walk on the bike path...

Some people are very nice: people were stopping to ask if I needed any help. Two people offered to drive me home, someone offered to go to her house until JF could pick me up (JF was already gone and I had no mean of reaching him, so I said no). I noticed that the people who showed concern were either cyclists riding expensive bikes or mothers/moms-to be. I know I would have offered my help to someone else if I had come across this situation, but still, I was touched that so many people offered to help.

Walking was fine. Some sort of miracle happened where I didn't hurt my legs or hips, only my upper body and face. I walked to the nearest interesection and waited for JF. I'm not sure how long I waited, probably 30 minutes. At first, I was fine. Just assessing the road rash and the pain in my ribs. Discovering that if I hadn't worn my brand new cycling gloves, I would have a bad road rash on my left hand as well. Paying attention to the headache, that came and left every 5 minutes.

Then, what happened hit me and I started to want to cry all the tears I had in me. I couldn't cry, though, for 2 reasons: the main one was that it would make me dry-heave, which was the last thing I needed while I waited for JF; the second reason was that it would hurt my ribs and make my breathing even more difficult if I was crying. So.. I kept the crying at bay and told myself I could cry when JF picked me up or when I was home.

Because of the pain in my ribs, I didn't sleep very well last night. This morning, I feel like I've been hit by a truck, but my breathing is back to normal. My left breast is hurting a lot and so does my road rash on my shoulder... but I'm fine. I'm just a bit shocked.

Lessons learned:
- Don't follow too close; don't break too suddenly
- When JF sees any sort of animal, he stops - remember that!
- I must get a road ID made and carry it all the time - it was freaking me out that if this happened to me while I was alone, no one would know who I am
- When possible, carry a cell phone and a long sleeve shirt
- Put some travel wipes and bandages in my saddle bag

Riverkeeper - A great performance on the bike!

This morning, Team "Two Sweet Chicks and One Crabby Broad" completed the Sprint Tri Relay at the Riverkeeper Triathlon. This team name really made me laugh from the first time I read it (it was Jo-Jo's idea, so Kiza and I assumed that the crabby broad was her, but apparently, it wasn't her intention to call herself the crabby one! :p ). I laughed a lot when I went to pick up our race kit: the volunteer asked for our team name and remembered reading it. I reassured him that I wasn't the crabby one and he thanked our team for sending one of the sweet ones to race kit pick up.

When Jo-Jo first talked about putting together a relay team, I was so excited about it and even more when her and Kiza accepted me on their team. I've never been one people accepted in their sports' teams, and it made me feel very good that I would be part of a team. Still, I was a bit nervous about this relay, because my teammates, Kiza and Jo-Jo, are very strong in their discipline. I came into this triathlon with the intention of giving everything I had in me, to suck it up and be strong the whole time. The last thing I wanted was to come out of this race feeling as if I could have done better. To me, being part of a team is a very important responsibility and although I wanted to have fun while with my teammates, I wanted to work very hard when I was on my own, on my bike.

So, the Crabby One and myself watched 5-months pregnant Sweet Chick # 1 try to get into her wet suit. Poor Kiza got a bigger workout from twisting herself to fit into her wetsuit than she did swimming 500m. Being the other sweet one, I was encouraging to Kiza while the crabby one was laughing out loud! ;-) Kiza and baby on board got ready for the swim start. Jo-Jo and I watched the swim start and then headed to T-Zone. Kiza being a fast swimmer, I had to be ready when she would come in. And I was! With a "see ya" to the girls, I ran as fast as I could run while holding a bike. There was a bit of a crowd at the mounting line (which was too narrow, if you ask me) and I got stuck for a few long seconds behind a girl who couldn't get her shoe to clip.

I started very fast, I wouldn't go under 30km/h for the first few kilometers. My quads were on fire but it was great! And then the course was not as flat and the wind was in my face and I slowed down a little. Still, I was riding much faster than I thought I would and I started to worry that I would get to T-Zone and Jo-Jo wouldn't be there yet! I was making all sorts of calculations, and not knowing where the turnaround point would be for the second loop, I didn't know I would end up riding 21.5 km. I don't think the fear of getting there before Jo-Jo slowed me down, but maybe it did subconsciously.

I made a rival out on the course. About halfway into it, a guy passed me and told me he'd been trying to catch and pass me for quite a while. I told him I would pass him again on the second loop! And I did... But then, he passed me again at about 17K because I had slowed down because of the stupid wind. I couldn't catch him again, but I kept him in sight. It was hard for me to believe that I had a male rival, riding a Cervelo bike! Not an unfit person with an hybrid bike, but someone who looked fit who saw me as competition. I guess I was stronger than he was on flat ground and downhill, but he was stronger than I was uphill, with the wind in our face.

When I got off the bike, I almost tripped over because my legs were heavier than they've ever been after getting off the bike. My quads were on fire and my lower back was hurting like hell, but I rode 21.5K in a little over 50 minutes! I was elated!

The best part was running with Sweet Chick # 1 and the Crabby Broad across the finish line, and finding out we placed third for Female Relay teams. My first placing! Woohoo!

After the race, we were talking about doing this again and Jo-Jo talked me into joining her for a relay team for K-Town next year. I accepted and then asked how long was the bike and if it was hilly: 56K of rolling hills! Yikes! Oh well, I like challenges and I have one year to train. Jo-Jo is a bad influence on me: first, she talks me into doing my first Half in Vancouver in May 2009 and then, she signs me up for a 56K hilly bike ride!

Saturday was a great day! My confidence is back!

Back at it!

Woohoo! I ran this week after more than 4 weeks off. I went to see an osteopath who partially put my hip back in its place. The pain has moved from my abs to my sciatica, but at least, I can run and bike without pain!

The run itself was good and bad at the same time. The muscles were fine, but my cardio was not as good. At the same time, I thought my cardio would be much worse than it was. My mental was partially on, probably because I had had a very tiring day at work and I was really tired. I'm going for another run tomorrow, we'll see how this one goes... but I'm back at it!

I *may* be doing Emily's Run, but the Canada Day 10K is out of question now. I've lost too much fitness to be able to safely pull it off. Now that I have learned my lesson again, I'm going to take things slow and focus on getting back to running 3x/week consistently. If I'm in pain, I'll back off and go get treated before it turns into a full blown injury.

* * *

Despite being sidelined, I had a great weekend during the Ottawa Race Weekend. I volunteered at Race Kit pickup on Friday and had a great time. I cheered on my fellow Maniacs on Saturday night and Sunday and I have to admit that I had a blast! I had a lot of fun being on the lookout for my running friends, and to cheer as loud as I could when they ran by. I also cheered everyone else and a lot of them thanked me. I felt as if I was making a small difference in their race and it was a wonderful feeling. :-)

Joe immortalized this weekend by taking a few pictures of the official RM cheerleader. I'll be back next year!

R.I.P. Spencer

Spencer,

Today was a sad day, the last one of your short life. I was deeply saddened by the news of your passing away. Yet, at the same time, I'm glad that the suffering is over. I'm glad you won't have to be in the hospital anymore, away from your school, friends and Scupper. I know you will be missed and I know you will live on in many people's hearts.

I've been choking up all day Spencer. Thinking about the unfairness of it all, thinking about this huge fight that you had to live. I've also been thinking about your legacy and how you touched my life even though we have never met. I kept thinking that you didn't want us to cry or pity you and I tried real hard not to cry but I couldn't help it. The world has lost someone who could have been a positive leader in this world. In 13 years, you have inspired so many people and I'm sure you've changed many lives. For that you will be remembered.

Your legacy to me is three-fold. First, you remind me not to take my life for granted and to not waste it. I'm lucky enough to have lived all those years, and I want to make the best out of whatever time I have left. I always get angry when people complain about growing old, because I think they're just lucky to have made it this far. I promise you never to complain about getting older. Secondly, you have given me the motivation I needed to donate blood. I have always been terrified to do that, but I will do it for you. It may require a lot of work on my part to be mentally prepared not to panic and make a fool out of myself, but I'll do it. I'll keep going and won't give up. Finally, you have made me realize how much I want to contribute to this world. I haven't accomplished that much in 30 years, but I'm going to do a lot of thinking about how I can help other people and try to touch their lives.

Rest in peace, Spencer. Your spirit will live on.

Letting go of the "could-have" and the "should-have"

Sigh... Today was the day that I * should have * completed my first Sprint Tri - the Sprint Tri for which I worked so hard through the winter and spring.

I volunteered at the race this morning, and I helped man a water station at the turn-around point of the run. I had a very good time working with 3 other people, the mom, dad and son of the same family. It was fun to help out my fellow Sprint Triathletes, but I had a few moments when I thought "it could be me turning this corner and running strong" or "I should have been racing today instead of volunteering".

I know it's not my last chance to complete a Sprint Tri, but I had visualized myself doing this race so often this winter that it was heartbreaking to think about those images today.

It is very hard to accept the reality and to let go of the sadness and frustration. Sometimes, I wonder if I take this too seriously. Most days, I don't think I do - I think I really like to do this because it pushes me outside of my comfort zone and it makes me a stronger person in all the other aspects of my life. Sometimes, I think I should just get a life! ;-) I know that for me, it's more than just a sport: it's my way of keeping sane in this crazy world. It's also my way of connecting with very interesting people, with whom I had nothing in common until we shared this love of the sport.

And this is why I'm so sad about this injury: I feel that a part of me has been put on hold. I hope I don't feel as sad next Saturday, but I know deep down that it will probably be even worse!

It's just a bump in the road... If I hang on tight, I'll make it through and get my sanity back. Right?

No 10K race either... :-(

This is discouraging. I've started having pain again after my last ART session. The physio mentionned that I had all the signs of a sports hernia and that I should go see a Sports Doc. I started laughing in her face: I can't see a regular doc even if I try real hard, how on Earth am I gonna see a sports doc? She told me about the Sports Medicine clinic at Carleton University. I called them this morning and I have an appointment on Tuesday! I can't believe it. I'll get this whole injury figured out, or I hope that the doc will at least reassure me that it's not a sports hernia.

With all that in mind, I haven't run all week. I tried to run on Sunday, but I was hurting after a few minutes so I stopped after about 1K. Then, I biked to work on Monday and I had terrible pain. Walking also hurts, although not as much as it hurt at first.

So... There won't be a MDS Nordion 10K for me this year. I'm heartbroken once more. This is so disapointing. I think the worst part is that the NCM weekend is the best weekend of the year - there are runners everywhere you go in the city and everyone seems healthy. It's the best! And now, I'll only be allowed to watch it from the spectator's point of view. It makes me really, really sad. I wish some miracle happened and I could run the 10K...

I've worked so hard for this - my Sprint Tri and that 10K race, and now I won't get to be part of any of it. This sucks big time.

No Early Bird Triathlon after all

I'm very disapointed, but it would be stupid of me to do the Early Bird Triathlon. Sometimes, when I stop and think about how I should be tapering now instead of resting to let my injury heal, it makes me mad, sad, depressed... It seems so unfair! But these things happen to all athletes and we all bounce back from injury stronger and with even more motivation than before. I'll be fine... but it still sucks.

I'm not sure what I'll do about the MDS Nordion 10K race. My heart wants me to do it, my brain doesn't. My injury doesn't hurt as badly and I'm going to ART session # 3 tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get the abdominal muscle fixed and then I'll be able to slowly get back to training.

What I'm the most afraid of is to have lost that mental roughness that I had recently discovered deep inside of me. What if I become a wimp again? This would be terrible.

Injury Update

I injured myself seriously last Saturday... The pain was always there, so I decided not to exercise last week. All I did was go for a very short swim on Wednesday.

The physio said on Monday that I had hip tendonitis and she did ultrasound on my hip to relieve some of the inflammation. However, the pain didn't really go away and my lower abdominals started to hurt a lot more as the week progressed. By Thursday, the pain was so intense that I was starting to wonder if it really was just a running injury or if there was something else going on. On Friday, the pain was unbearable, so I called the health line. The nurse told me all the possible causes of my pain: muscle strain, twisted ovary cyst, hernia, appendicitis... I was terrified that I would have to get surgery. I had a ART appointment at 6:30 on Friday night, and I decided to ask if it could be any of those things or if it really was just a running injury. I was prepared to spend the night at the ER.

The chiro told me it was hip tendonitis AND adductor strain AND pyrimidal muscle strain [the muscle on top of the pubic bone]. Pain of the pyramidal muscle mimics sports hernia, and he asked that I keep an eye for symptoms of hernia, but I don't have any much to my relief. I had always thought ART on my hip flexors was the worst muscular pain possible... It turned out ART on the pyramidal muscle is 20 times more painful - the chiro brought me close to the point of passing out! ;-) ART on the adductors was also very painful, but when he worked on my hip flexors, I told him that I felt as if I was at the Spa because there was almost no pain.

The chiro said there was hope that I could do this month's races and to take it easy with the training... I haven't done any exercise since Friday. I went for a 40 minutes walk, and I hurt a lot when I got home. Nevertheless, the pain has diminished a lot since Friday. I have another ART session on Tuesday - we'll see if I can do some sort of exercise after I get a second treatment.

I'm pretty depressed about all this. I keep telling myself how stupid I was to keep on running when it started hurting. I knew I needed to take a break from the long runs, but I kept pushing because I was so excited about my training - it was going so well! For the first time in my life, my mental was so strong that I felt nothing was impossible. I was starting to dream big: a Half-Marathon in the Fall? Why not! An open-water Sprint Tri this Summer? Sure! Why not? Now, I'm injured and inactive. I'm afraid I'll never get back to the mental state I was in when I got injured. What if I have to build back to it once again? What if I never get back to being so confident in my capacity to swim, bike and/or run?

Another thing that I can't get out of my head is my frustration at all the time I spent in the pool and the possibility that I may not get the rewards of all this hard work. Most of the times I went swimming, I had to kick myself in the butt because I could always think of better things to do. Now, I'm thinking: did I do all this for nothing? Will I not get to the start line of that triathlon? Should I have done stuff with JF or other people instead of spending those evenings or weekend afternoons at the pool? I'm so angry at myself!

Anger is not good for the soul, and not good for the body. It's a poison and it's making me sick. I hope that by writing all of this down, I'll start to feel a little better about what happened. I hope I learn my lesson... Sigh...

The dreaded I-word

Dang! I'm injured!

For over a year now, I've been training carefully, keeping my eye on the prize and backing off when I felt any injury coming. I was really doing great. After SAD lifted this year, I went to the pool and swam 1,000m. On that day, my life changed: all of a sudden, I felt powerful, strong, as if everything was within my reach. I became mentally strong and improved a lot in both my swimming and my running.

I started hurting at the end of my long runs, but I blamed it on the fact that my body was getting used to the longer effort. Last Saturday, I went for a 12K run and decided to cut it short to 10K because my right hip flexor was hurting very badly. I could walk, but barely. Diagnosis: hip tendonitis.

I can't believe I pushed past my limits, 3 weeks from one of the most important races of my life. To me, this triathlon will be the race when I become a "real" triathlete. I know the try-a-tri were very significant for me, but the Sprint Tri is even more significant... Just like I felt so much more like a runner when I ran my first 10K.

I have sacrificed a lot of evenings and weekend afternoons to get there, and now it's jeopardized because of my "overmotivation". It's pointless to bang my head on the wall with regret, but I hope a little rest will get me to the start line of my triathlon healthy. I hope the Gods of Triathlon will be on my side - I've worked so hard for this!

Yay for Running!

I ran my longest run ever today: 10.52K. It was the first time that I ran 10K in training, and I was a little scared of it, to be completely honest. I have to say that it went very well! There was a race happening where I run this morning and it was great to see so many runners, both in and outside of the race. It certainly cheered me up!

But now, boy! Do I ever hurt! My right arch is hurting so badly, it's like it's on fire. My hip flexors are also complaining... Time for some ART and a well deserved cut-back week!

Once the cut-back week is behind me, I'll have to work at getting a bit of speed. Right now, I run 9 minutes /km and that's way too slow for me, considering my goal for the MDS Nordion 10K is 75 minutes, so 7.5 minutes/km.

My first 1,000m swim ever!

The weather was crappy today, and I decided to do my 10K LSD in the sunshine tomorrow rather than in the rain and wet snow that was forecasted today. I was supposed to go swimming tomorrow, but with the 10K LSD - which will be my first 10K run in training, by the way - I knew that I wouldn't have enough energy to go swimming. So, I went this afternoon.

JF gave me a ride, and we arranged that he would pick me up 90 minutes later. I had a lot of time and the pool was almost empty, so I just kept going until I got to 760m. I decided to see if I could swim 1,000m and I DID IT! :-) Most of it was breast stroke (75%), some of it was front stroke and I did a few lenghts of Total Immersion sweet spot drills.

I am totally amazed that I was able to swim this long. I have never, in my wildest dreams, thought that one day I could swim 1,000m. Well, I have when I started pursuing the triathlon dream, but for the majority of my life, I didn't even think of that as something I would want to achieve.

And so, now I'm thinking that maybe I could do the Sprint Tri at the Early Bird after all... I would be the last one out of the water, but who cares? I'll give this a bit more thinking, but for sure, I am very motivated to go to the pool now! Yay! I found my swimming mojo.

A Sprint Tri in May is not going to happen

There, I've said it: unless some miracle happens, I won't be doing a Sprint Tri at the Early Bird Triathlon in May. Swimming has been a real challenge lately, and for many reasons, I simply couldn't get myself to the pool as often as I should have. The result is that I won't be ready for a Sprint Tri in May. At first, I was disapointed, because I was really hoping I could pull this off, but life happens something and you have to deal with whatever it throws at you.

Now that I've made this decision, I feel much less pressured about going swimming all the time. Maybe I don't have what it takes to be a triathlete, who knows? At this point, I'm not considering ever doing a triathlon longer than a Sprint Tri. The required time to spend in the pool seems too much for me to fit into my schedule, at least at this point in my professional life. I'll keep swimming because it keeps me loose and because I like doing triathlons, even if they're the short ones.

Swimming is hard. I would never have thought it would be harder than running, but it is. We'll see how much effort I can/want to put into this once Spring comes and SAD lifts. I'm still hopeful that a Sprint Tri is in my future, somewhere down the road.

SAD is taking over!

I got my laser eye surgery 3 weeks ago. The results seem promising, but because my eyes are still healing, I haven't seen the final result yet.

Not being able to exercise for a week, and not being able to enjoy the sunshine since the surgery is opening the door to SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have lost a lot of my motivation to exercise or to do anything else lately. I know it's temporary, but it is hard on the mind and hard on the body. I'm starting to wonder whether I'll be ready for my Sprint Tri in May and I'm at a point where I don't really care whether I do the Sprint Tri or the Try-a-Tri. Yikes!

I've lost 5 pounds in a month, which is wonderful. All I did was to eat out less, eat fruits and vegetables instead of anything else for snacks and cut evening snacks completely. Also, it's been about 5 weeks since I ate chips and the craving is killing me! I would never have thought that giving up chips would be so hard - I feel for people who quit smoking. At least, I can have chips every once in a while... My objective when I cut chips off from my diet was to only allow myself to eat chips during Easter weekend. After that, I'll decide on another date when I can have chips so that I don't get back into the habit of eating chips every week.

Spring, come soon!

Getting PRK again and health issues

This thursday is round 2 of PRK laser eye surgery for me. My vision has never been perfect since the surgery in December 2006, and it has regressed a bit over the summer. I'm now at -1 and -1.25 plus some astigmatism still remaining, so I qualify for a free second round of surgery. Since the Summer, I knew and I hoped this day would come when I'd get another chance to get perfect vision, but now that it's upon me, I'm very anxious about it. I remember every little annoying detail of the surgery and the few days afterwards and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm so anxious that I tend to forget the prize for getting the surgery: a better vision.

All this stress, added on top of the stress and frustration from my job make me physically sick. I've been having digestive issues since last Wednesday, and i'm already down 4 lbs. It all started with a strange feeling while I was driving to Montreal about 10 days ago. All of a sudden, I felt as if I was going to faint while at the wheel, and it felt like blood was rushing through my brain. Then, on Wednesday, I had a migraine, for the first time in 2 years. :-( It was then that I realized that I had been feeding my body very poorly in the past couple of months and my body was telling me "Enough!"

I've been eating almost perfectly in the past couple of days and didn't get any more headaches. I'm hoping that I learned my lesson and that I'll be more careful with what I eat from now on. In the process, I hope to be losing a few pounds and keep that weight off. However, I hope I won't have to go through what I've been through the last time... I'll do everything I can to avoid it.

My running training is going well. I ran 9K yesterday! :-) Swimming is not going so well and I'm a little discouraged and a little stressed. I'm not sure I can swim 500m in 20 minutes or less at the Early Bird Sprint Tri and I'm afraid I'll look like a loser if it takes me 25 minutes. So, I stress about it. Very clever. ;-)

Can I really swim 500m?

104 days from today is my first Sprint Tri. Self-doubt is creeping in tonight... Can I really swim 500m non-stop on May 17th? I had my fourth Pre-Masters course tonight. It was tough and I'm a bit discouraged. I know that 104 days is a lot of days to practice and improve, but I'm doubting my abilities tonight... just like I was doubting my abilities to swim 200m a year ago.

Sigh...

January Update

Pre-Masters is awesome! I am doing drills that will help me with my stroke, but more importantly, I'm spending more time in the water and getting more comfortable every week. Just in January, I will have swum over 5,000m after tomorrow's practice. This is a very high number for someone who couldn't swim at all 18 months ago. :-)

I registered for my first Sprint Tri in May, which includes a 500m pool swim, a 20K bike ride and a 5K run. I am a bit worried about the swim, because I would like to do it all front crawl, and i'm not sure I will improve enough to go from 50m front crawl straight (right now) to 500m front crawl in May. We'll see. I'm ready to lower my standards a bit and go with some front crawl and some breast stroke... but I would really love to do all front crawl.

Right now, I can "swim" 280m straight. I put "swim" in brackets because that 280m consists of some front crawl, some breast stroke and a lot of Sweet Spot drills. Oh well, I'm still covering the distance and building some endurance, I guess...

***

I've started increasing my running distances in preparation for 10K training. I will run 7K on Saturday, as a LSD, and I'm running a bit faster on my week runs (but doing intervals between 3:1s to 5:1s). I don't consider my week runs speed work, but I do run a little bit faster than on Saturday.

I ran just a little over 40K in January, which is below what I am expecting to run during my 10K training. These 40K are a good start, and I didn't get injured even though I've been doing longer long runs and running more consistently. And this, my friends, feels very good.

***

I will be getting laser eye surgery again soon. My vision has started regressing this Summer, and it has now stabilized which means I can get a second surgery. I can't say I'm looking forward to it, because I'm remembering every little detail of the first one, but I can't wait to see clearly. Also, one week off work and spent sleeping sounds very interesting to me right now.

Pre-Masters Swimming

I have completed 3 adult swimming lessons courses, and I found myself lately at a point where I was fine with the basics of swimming, but I wasn't quite yet ready for Masters swimming or to join a triathlon club. Last week, I saw an advertisment for Pre-Masters swimming, where the requirement was to be able to swim for 50m straight, and have some basic knowledge of front crawl, back crawl and breast stroke. I decided to sign up for it and my first lesson was tonight. It was awesome! :-)

There are 2 other girls taking the lessons with me. These girls are about at the same level as I am, which is so good for my ego. I was scared that they'd be much better than I am, but we're about the same.

The instructor is very nice too, and he takes the time to explain to us how we should be feeling in the water and why we need to do things a certain way. He made us do some basic drills, which were challenging, but doable. I was good at some things, not as good at other things. One thing I noticed while doing one of the drills is that I stop kicking while I am breathing. I think I do the same when I swim laps, and this would explain why I feel like I'm sinking when I breathe...

Anyway, it was great and I think these lessons will help me progress in my swimming. Yay!

Running-wise, I'm getting back at running consistently (3 times a week) and I will start increasing the lenght of my Saturday long runs next weekend. My ultimate running goals for the Spring are a 35 minutes 5K in April and a 1:10 10K in May. To achieve them, I am planning on running consistently and swimming/cycling to strenghten my quads. I think those goals are within reach if I train smartly and avoid injury.

On a personal note, I was confirmed into my position at work. Yay! I don't need to worry about it anymore, and I can now concentrate on the next part of my carreer.

Bye Bye 2007!

It's hard to believe another year has gone by... As always, on New Year's Eve, I take some time to think about the past year and reflect on what I have accomplished. For me, 2007 was a milestone year. In 2007, I started designing the Master Plan of what I want my adult life to be.

2007 was a great year and I'm grateful for:
- Buying my first house with JF
- Moving into this house and making it a home
- Getting settled in my position at work
- Completing my first 10K race, and my second one too
- Learning to swim and completing my first triathlon
- Adopting a new family member - Jake, our English Springer Spaniel
- Believing a bit more in myself
- Making new friends and strenghtening some of my existing friendships
- Putting myself first and standing up for myself

Tonight, I will participate in the Resolution Run in Ottawa and I will take advantage of those 5K to make up some goals for 2008. Hopefully, 2008 will be as good as 2007 was!

Victory!

This week, I accomplished 2 things that I am very proud of:

1- I ran 30 minutes non-stop for the first time ever
2- I swam 2 lenghts of the pool doing breast stroke

Lately, I've been running on the TM, because I find it more convenient and more safe, and also because I was recovering from my injury and my ART guy asked that I run on the TM. On the TM, I can lower the speed and just run, run, run, without needing to stop for a walk break. When I run outside, I always go out too fast and I can't slow myself down, so I need frequent walk breaks. On the TM, I can think of stuff and just keep running for as long as my body will let me. This week, I ran for 30 minutes without a walk break and I could have kept going if the TM wasn't programmed to stop after 30 minutes. (Time for me to shop for a new gym)

Then, on Thursday, I went to the pool for my swimming lesson and I finally understood the breast stroke. I was able to swim 2 full lenghts of the pool non-stop - woohoo!!! Suddenly, my goal of doing a Sprint Tri in 2008 seems achievable, because I'll be able to swim the breast stroke when/if I need a break.

If it weren't from my skin allergies to chlorine, I'd be more willing to go to the pool more often. But with the allergies, it's a hassle to get myself into and out of the pool without agravating the allergic reactions. The upside is that I'm more motivated than ever to go to the pool and i'm finally starting to feel as if I can do this.

What a wonderful feeling!

Injured - Struggling - Breaking Records - So Happy!

It's been a long time since I updated my blog. I guess after the Montreal race, I needed a physical and mental break from training, and I didn't have that much to say.

Injured

I got injured during the Montreal 10K. I pushed so hard that my whole body broke a little... Following the race, I was sore, but nothing out of the ordinary. However, the rest that I allowed myself didn't help me recover, in fact, the pain in my shins, in my right ankle and my hip flexor wouldn't go away. I kept on running, because I still had 2 important runs to do in September: the Run for the Mouse and the Run for the Cure.

Following the Run for the Cure, I admitted that I was injured and that I needed rest and treatment. I am now starting to feel better, and I am back at running on the treadmill, short distances and very slow.

I had 3 weeks when I was fed up with running, or any training in general. All I wanted to do was to have a normal life, you know, sleeping in on the weekends and not rushing to get your training done after work... And so, I allowed myself that and I am now finding running more enjoyable.

Struggling

I've been struggling through my running injury, but I've struggled even more in the pool. This semester, I chose to take 2 swimming lessons with 2 different instructors. I had a few weeks when I would come back from my lessons discouraged because it's just not natural to me to be swimming and I sucked, compared to the other people in my class.

I was reconsidering my triathlon goals, wondering why I should put up with this when it was so hard... I was desperatly hoping for a breakthrough.

Breaking Records

While trying to run off some work-related anger on the treadmill last week, I ran continuously for 26 minutes! My previous record was 20 minutes non-stop. :D

The only reason why I stopped was because the treadmill had a 30 minutes limit and I had used 4 minutes as a walking warm-up. Because I'm still recovering from my injury, I also didn't want to push it.

Next step: 30 minutes non-stop.

So Happy

I had my breakthrough session at the pool tonight. All of a sudden, I understood the breast stroke AND the butterfly stroke. I am so happy and so grateful that this happened today of all days. I had a crappy week at work, and I didn't need another depressing swimming lesson.

I am thrilled!

I'm 30!

I turn 30 today. Some people are depressed when they turn 30, but I'm not. Looking back on the person I was on the day of my 20th birthday and the person that I've become during those 10 rollercoaster years, I am in awe at how much I did during my 20's:

- Moved to Montreal
- Completed a B.Sc. and a M.Sc.
- Got impressive work experience during my studies
- Moved to Ottawa
- Went to Europe, visited London and Paris
- Went to Cuba twice
- Met JF
- Adopted 2 cats and a dog
- Bought a house
- Got a permanent position (and a few promotions)
- Gained 50lbs, lost 25 of those pounds
- Started running
- Ran my first 5K race and my first 10K race, and many more running races
- Fundraise money for good causes
- Learned to swim
- Completed my first triathlon (followed by a second one)

On a personnal level:

- I became more assertive and more confident
- I improved the way I manage stress
- I made peace with a few things from my past
- I stood up for myself on many occasions
- I learned to reach out when I needed help and to voice my needs
- I learned to let go of some of the things I can't control (still working on that)
- I decided the kind of life I wanted to have and the kind of people I wanted in my life and acted accordingly
- I "burnt out" at 26 and learned how to better take care of myself from that experience
- I let go of the feeling that I must be good at everything, be everything to everyone and live my life to respond to other people's expectations
- I understood that you can't have it all and that you need to make choices in life, otherwise, you waste your energy fighting too many battles that are not that important
- I became a much stronger person, both physically and mentally

I felt that my 20's were very difficult, but it's because of what I pursued during those 10 years. I wanted to become a more balanced person, and I had to go through a few difficult years in order to grow. When I turned 20, I ran away from a life that I didn't want and I spent years trying to identify what I really wanted. Now, I feel like I'm running towards the life that I want. During my 30's, I would like to accomplish the following:

- Live to see my 40's
- Strenghten my relationship with JF
- Confirm my current professional level and settle down in my current job
- In a year or two, start looking at horizontal career moves to work in the field of work that I've always wanted to work in (sustainable urban development)
- Travel to Europe again
- Visit Boston, New York and San Francisco
- Run my first Half-Marathon and my first Marathon
- Complete my first Sprint Triathlon, my first Olympic Triathlon and maybe even a Half-Ironman
- Make a decision on whether to have kids or not and live with it
- Strenghten my existing friendships, revisit them from time to time
- Learn to forgive (for real)
- Try to become a more patient person and a less judgmental one
- Lose 15lbs and keep my weight down at 140lbs
- Learn to meditate
- Be on the lookout for new opportunities that life will undoubtly throw at me. Make the best out of those opportunities.

Here's to my 30's: may those years be filled with health, love, strenght and happiness!

Triple PB!

Yesterday, I participated in the rbk 10K race, as part of the Festival de la Santé de Montréal. It was my second 10K race, and I was really hoping to better my 10K time from May. Having gained a lot of speed over short distances and confidence over the Summer, I thought I could easily PB, unless something terrible happened.

Then, on the train, on Saturday afternoon, I thought about a long discussion we had on Running Mania about the fear of failure. I am the type of person who sets objectives for myself that I am very likely to reach, possibly because it's so hard when you don't achieve your objectives!

Therefore, my goals for this race were:
1) Run the 10K under 1:15
2) Have a good mental race
3) Cross the finish line with a Kenyan (a HalfM one )

I achieved 2 of my 3 goals.

Goal # 1: Run the 10K under 1:15

I did it! I decided that my goal couldn't be just to PB. I knew that PB'ing was very likely to happen, and so I decided that 1:15 was a much more ambitious goal, and that it would motivate me to push through when it would get rough.

During the night of Saturday to Sunday, I had terrible lower back pain and I started thinking that I would DNS or DNF. I wasn't willing to risk serious back pain for a 10K race. I was very disapointed about that, but you don't control these things. I decided to wait until the morning and see how the walk to the start line went because sometimes, my lower back pain goes away when I walk. In the morning, I had some eLoad, which I puked. It wasn't the stress of the race, my stomach was just really upset with the eLoad. I walked out the door discouraged - with a hurting back and an upset stomach.

The walk to the start line helped relieve the back pain, and so I decided to start the race. I did start and I did finish. My Polar footpod even tells me that I triple PB'd this race! To try not to be a pain in the @ss for the people running around me, I ran on the outside part of the course, and so I ran more than 10K - 10.42 to be more precise. These poor people who were doing a very good job at pacing themselves had to put up with my anarchic run/walk strategy.

I completed the first 5K in 36:29, which is a PB.

I ran the second 5K in 35:52 and beat the PB that I had set 36 minutes ago!

I ran 10K in 1:12:21, and then I was about 400m from the finish line, so I kept on pushing.

My official time is 1:14:51 - a PB by almost 5:30!

Goal # 2: Have a good mental race

Not so much. As I always do in races, I mentally crashed, somewhere around the 4K mark. What was different this time, was that I picked myself up and kept on moving forward, without caring about my pacing or my frequent and disorganized walk breaks. I didn't follow the original plan and I ran this race triathlon-style (run when you can, walk when you need it) rather than by doing 3:1, 5:1 or whatever run/walk combination.

I was very angry at myself for crashing mentally... But then, I saw my friend Crash cheering for me and it brought a huge smile to my face and gave me the energy I needed to keep on pushing.








I always find some positive in my apparent failures, and not letting myself sink into the lows of my own self-doubts was a real victory for me.


Goal # 3: Cross the finish line with a HalfM Kenyan

Done!

He probably was the 25th-30th HalfM to come in, though. The winner of the HalfM passed me when I was about 6K into my race. I was shocked.

Next Steps

Officialize my 5K PB at the Rattle me Bones 5K at the end of October: shoot for 35 minutes.

I'm REALLY a triathlete now!

I did my second Try-a-Tri yesterday. This event was special to me because last year, I went to watch the Try-a-Tri and I told myself that I could do this and made the goal of doing that one in 2007.

Unfortunately, I wasn't excited about this race in the weeks leading up to it. After I did my first triathlon, I realized that I was 6 weeks away from the rbk 10K race in Montreal on Sept 9 and that I had better get ready for this race. So, I slacked off on the triathlon training and concentrated on my running. On Friday night at the M&G, I was really hoping to become excited about the race, but nothing.

At 4am on Saturday morning, I woke up and all of a sudden, my stress about the race hit me. There was a lot of internal debating as to whether I wanted to do this race. I finally identified the problem: I was terrified at the thought of making a fool of myself during the swim. After much debating, I "decided" (read: forced myself) to face my fears and try to do my best, race my own race and live with the results. I still wasn't motivated, but at least I knew which demons I would be fighting during the race.

Swim.

I am thrilled by the way I swam! I just kept going, doing front crawl first and then back crawl for most of the swim. The thing that I am the most proud about is that I only stopped a few times and I didn't walk much (10-15 meters maybe?). In my first triathlon, I must have walked half of the distance.

What was great was to have JF and Karine and Eric's family cheering for me during the swim. I could hear their cheers and it was cool.

I couldn't run out of the water, I was so tired. When I reached the T-zone, there were a bunch of Maniacs cheering for me, which took me totally by surprise (but what a pleasant surprise!). I was so in my zone that all I can remember is seeing Scrummy, SuperBob and Andy.

Bike.

The transition went smoothly. I really couldn't run out from the T-zone to the mount line. I tried, but my legs wouldn't let me.

A few kilometers into the ride, I told myself "Wait a second! The guy you saw in the cheering squad can't have been Andy, Andy is racing right now... Oh no, I hope nothing happened to Andy and he couldn't do his race". And then, I realized that I had confused Crash for Andy! This made me giggle a little.

Saw Brian and Andy on the bike course, which was cool and which confirmed that it really wasn’t Andy that I saw cheering for me. I was relieved that Andy was out there, doing his race.

Close to the half-way point, my bike started making a strange noise, as if something was rubbing against the tire. I stopped to the side of the road to look at everything, but didn’t find the reason for the noise. After one minute of riding, I heard the same noise again, but louder. I stopped again and took a closer look at my brakes. Sure enough, one of the pads was brushing against my wheel. I loosened it a little, and left again. I was still hearing a strange noise and I was praying that I would make it to 15K without problems. Eventually, I noticed that my bike computer wasn’t working and I thought that probably one of the sensors came loose and was “tack-a-taking” against something, which explained the noise I heard.

Tailwind on the way back. Woohoo! The 15K ride itself must have taken me about 43 minutes, which i'm very happy about.

Run.

When I got to my transition zone, there was a bike on my spot and another one on my stuff. I wasn’t happy. I put my bike somewhere else and pushed the bike away from my stuff.

I hit the lap button on my watch to know exactly how long it would take me to cover 5K. After about 500m, I saw the infamous Hula Girl on the side of the run course, playing with a dog. So, I say “hey Hula Girl!”. Nothing. I say again “Hmm, Hmm, Hula Girl” and then she looks up, sees me and cheers me on as if she didn’t know me. A few seconds later, she recognizes me and goes “Oh, Go Claudie, Go, etc.”

The run itself was uneventful. I ran, I walked, but I achieved every one of the little challenges I set for myself “run to the next pylon”, for example. I even shared this tip with a fellow runner, who seemed to be struggling. When I passed her, she told me she couldn't stop thinking about the hill coming up. I told her "just keep running to the next pylon, and then the next, until you reach the finish line". I promised her she would make it. She didn't seem like she believed it. After I passed her, I started thinking about the hill and I had a bit of hesitation, but after a few minutes, I got back into "my zone".

Saw Jesse the photographer, and then Jesse (Scrummy) and Jo-Jo again later. So cool to see so many people I knew out on the course!

I raced without music, which was a first for me, and it went well. Yesterday, I was in a mental zone that I really can’t explain. I was doing what I had to do, and trying to enjoy the moment. I hope I can re-create that zone in my future races.

5K completed in a little less than 38 minutes… 30-40 seconds away from my 5K PB.

Epilogue.

I had a good time out there yesterday. I feel like I can now call myself a triathlete without feeling like I’m faking it, because I feel like I really swam yesterday.

I didn’t crash mentally during the race, which is also a first. I managed my energy levels well and I am very happy about that. When I got to the finish line, I had nothing left in me for a final sprint, so I just kept running. I wish I could have impressed my cheering squad at the finish line with a good sprint, but I didn’t have it in me. I’m glad I listened to my body more than to my ego.

My stats: on the swim, I was 93/95; on the bike, I was 74/95, on the run, I was 86/95. Overall, I was 84/95, but the woman who finished in front of me started the swim in the wrong wave, so she should have finished at least 5 minutes behind me.

I didn't really enjoy my first triathlon, probably because I was too nervous about it. Yesterday, I became a triathlete who enjoys doing triathlons. Woohoo!

It's Taper Time!

This morning, I did my last long run before my 10K race in 2 weeks. I was supposed to run/walk 9K doing 4:1s, but the run didn't go as planned and I did just about everything: 4:1s, 3:1s, 5:1s, 2 minutes sprint and a lot of walking. It took me 1:22 to complete 9.4K. Needless to say, I walked a lot: 35 minutes running and 47 minutes walking. Not exactly what I wanted to do!

It was too hot, then too humid, then my lower back was hurting, then I didn't feel like running anymore... It was a bad day.

It is now time to taper. First, for my next Triathlon, which is next Saturday and then for my 10K race on September 8th. Exciting times ahead!

Life goes on...

I didn't update my blog for a few weeks. Time goes by so fast!

I'm getting prepared for both my next Try-a-Tri and my next 10K race, which happen one week apart of one another. Following my first triathlon, I got a cycling injury (thumbs) and I am getting a professional bike fitting tomorrow morning. I have only been on my bike once since my Triathlon and I'm looking forward to going out for a Stardust ride!

I've been running a lot. After my first triathlon, I went into panic mode about the Montreal rbk 10K on September 8th. I really want to run this 10K and I realized that I had a lot of work to do to get there. Since my first 10K at the end of May, i've been running 3-6K runs, but I started increasing my mileage and I did a 8K LSD this morning. Not being able to slow down when I run, I decided to take it from the start and try to keep that speed for longer running intervals. At first, I did 2:1s for a week, this week I did 3:1s and I'll be doing 4:1s this coming week. I should be up to 5:1s by the time I race in Montreal.

I seem to be on a roll right now with my running. The last 2 runs have been very good: 5K in 37:40 on Saturday doing 3:1s (almost a PB!!!) and 8K this morning where I was very disciplined and did all the 3:1s I was supposed to do. I have to admit that I have been more consistent in getting my 3 runs/week in and it's starting to pay off. I'll do my best to keep that up, even when the racing season is over.

I went back to the river for open water swims a few times. I'm still freaking out sometimes, but my performance on September 1st should be a bit better than the one on August 4th. This is all that really matters to me.

I've received the Fall schedule for swimming lessons offered by the city, and I'm pondering my options right now. I'll take a lesson for sure, but maybe I'll take two. I really liked how I improved with 2 lessons/week this Spring and having 2 different instructors may be interesting.

The Impossible Made Possible - My First Triathlon!

I did it – I completed my first Triathlon!!!

I got to the race site very early this morning, and I set up my Transition area, just like everyone else – like I knew what I was doing!




And then, the long wait started… The doubts crept in… Right before the swim start, I didn’t want to go anymore and I almost started crying like a baby.



The Swim

I got into the water and I started crying a little bit. Just a little bit, to relieve some of the pressure. Not enough that anyone could notice, but I was really scared. I’m not sure what I was scared of, but I think it was probably a mix of the unknown and the fear of failure. What if I worked so hard and I didn’t achieve my dream? I would have been devastated.

I placed myself at the back of the pack and heard a girl telling her friend “I suck at swimming”. I really wanted to tell her: “YOU think you suck at swimming? Watch me”. It turned out that we both sucked at swimming, and we followed one another during the whole swim. She finished right after me. I was amazed that I wasn’t the last one out of the water!



The swimming was not fun. I’m not used to swimming outside, and it showed. The rules for this Try-a-Tri say that you could walk, as long as water was higher than your belly button. I did take advantage of this, when I needed to calm down (yes, I needed to calm down – during the whole swim, I was somewhere between panic and uneasiness). When I was swimming, I was mostly swimming on my back. JF told me I was not swimming in a straight line, it looked more like I was doing zig-zags…

Eventually, the swim was over and I told a volunteer that the worst was behind me now. I saw Joe at the exit of the swim and he took pictures and gave me a high-five. JF told me that I wasn’t the last one out of the water. Woohoo!

I ran and walked to T-1. The last girl out of the water passed me during T-1. My swim time + run on the beach + T-1 was 12:45. For 200m, that’s a lot of time, but I will improve!

The Bike

I decided to ride Stardust even if I’m not comfortable riding it yet. It was the BEST decision I’ve ever made!!! I rode 20K in 52:39 . This is unheard of me. The best 20K time that I got with the nameless hybrid bike was 1:03.

The bike consisted of two 10K loops. You went mostly on a slight downhill, and then you came back mostly on a slight uphill. The first loop was very speedy for me: I was passing many people, some of them being Try-a-Triers who beat me on the swim. I completed the first loop in 23:xx and I was when I saw this. However, the second loop on the way back was slowed down by head wind. I thought it had suddenly gotten windy, but I thought I was imagining this because I was tired. After the race, JF told me the wind did pick up during my second loop.

I started enjoying my Tri at some point near the end of the first loop on the bike. I was so happy to be riding Stardust and I loved the speed! At one point, I got passed by a guy with high-tech wheels. I heard him coming – sshhhhhhh – and I loved hearing that sound when he passed me.

My shoulders hurt during the ride, as did my lower back. I made a mental note to go get a proper fitting ASAP.

My bike time, including the 20K, the walk to/from transition to mounting line, was 55:50. I was 51st after the run, 43rd after the bike.

Here I am, coming back from the bike and heading into transition. JF asked me how I was feeling, I told him “this is so hard!” and he replied “You’ll whine when you’re finished. Keep moving!”. Now, this is not what I call “great support”…



The Run

I was expecting the run to be hard, and it was. I followed Sara’s advice and although I had my foot pod and watch, I didn’t turn them on to track my run. I totally ran by feeling: walking when I needed to, and running when I could. The run/walk was uneventful until I saw Jesse close to the 1K mark taking pictures – I did my best to smile for the camera!

At the turn around point, a man made me laugh when he told me he was trying to draft off me. I told him he shouldn’t do that, unless he wanted to walk a lot! He laughed and he ran passed me. I started to realize that I would finish this thing past the 3K mark. I knew I would make it under 2 hours (which was my original goal) and that maybe I would even finish under 1:50. I thought that I would officially become a triathlete in the next 15 minutes and it cheered me up.

This is when I saw that stupid hill, and Jesse taking pictures at the top of it. Just my luck... there was no one around me, so she was shooting pictures of me from 100m away!!! I had planned on walking up half the hill and then run the rest of it, but Jesse messed up my plans. I sucked it up – the things you do under peer pressure – and started running up the hill, while Jesse was shooting. As soon as I passed her, I took a walk break.

A few hundred meters later, I saw Joe, who shot pictures of me going a slight downhill – much better - and then… I turned a corner and there was the finish area! JF was waiting for me 300m from the finish line and when I saw him, I almost started to cry. I was very happy! I picked up the pace, and then took another walk break. About 150m from the finish line, people were cheering me on and one woman told me to give it all I had left. I answered “but I have nothing left!” and I started running again. I didn’t stop until I passed the finish line.

I finished in 1:49:44, in 44th place (out of 51 participants).



I am a Triathlete!

I spent over 20 hours training in the water in the past year. I biked for 323km. I ran a little less than 400km since I started training for my first triathlon, a year ago. These numbers don’t seem much to me – but they tell me how much I can achieve if I put more effort!



I would like to thank all my friends of Running Mania for instilling the triathlon dream in me. I would never have dared taking up this challenge if it wasn’t from the great inspiration that I got on this Forum. I truly believe that I am surrounded by angels, who help me push myself to reach the unreachable, and achieve the impossible. Thank you Running Mania.

Today's T-Day

I'm nerveous this morning, but not as much as I expected... It's probably all going to implode when I get to the race site... I think I'm in denial right now.

I can't wait for the Tri to be started, because only then, will I stop worrying and start enjoying. A race report will follow later on today.

16 hours away from my first Tri...

I picked up my race kit today. I guess this means that I'm really going to do this tomorrow! I'm torn between excitement and fear, but I suppose it's normal to feel that way.

After my last post on this blog, I received the following quote by email and it changed my perspective on this important milestone in my life:

"Pressure is a word that is misused in our vocabulary. When you start thinking of pressure, it's because you've started to think of failure."

I realized that I was preparing myself in case I failed to complete my first Tri or not live up to my own expectations. After thinking about this for a while, I decided that in this case, failure would be to not race tomorrow. Finishing last wouldn't mean failure, because I would still have faced my fears and kept moving in spite of it.

As long as I show up and I do my best, I will have succeeded.

Tomorrow, I will Tri. I will prove myself that I am stronger than I think I am. I will move forward with everything that I have. I will enjoy the moment. I will conquer my fears!!!

T - 3

We're 3 days away from my first Tri and I'm stressed out. It probably doesn't help that I'm on vacation by myself and have all the time in the world to stress about it. I'm not sure what is stressing me out... I can't put my finger on one thing, so it has to be the fear of the unknown. I'm losing sleep over this and I'm upsetting my digestive system with all this unnecessary stress.

Today, i'm going to go for my last bike ride before the Tri and then to the chiro to get some pre-race ART. My calves and shoulders desperately need some hard work... Tomorrow is back to work for me, which is fine with me as it will make me think of other things. I can't believe how this Tri has taken over all my thoughts!

I think I feel like I have something to prove. I wouldn't say I need to prove it to the world, but I need to prove it to myself that I can be a triathlete. I probably was the least likely person to ever complete a Triathlon, but here I am: trained and ready to bike and run, less trained and less ready to swim.

Is that possible that I've become a whole different person since that night when I swore I would take care of my health? Is that possible that the fear of dying that I felt that night turned me into a determined athlete? Whenever I look back, I can't believe how far I've come. It's been quite a journey for me, from couch potato to runner, then from runner to triathlete. Triathlon training is the hardest thing I've ever undertaken, and I can't see any better reward than "wearing" the "Triathlete" tag at the end of this week.

First Tri Stress Dream

I had my first Tri stress dream this morning. It was race day, and nothing worked like it was supposed to. The swim took place in a very tiny pool, no one would tell us when we were finished swimming the required distance and at some point, there was no water... Then, I realized that I didn't get bodymarking (which I am so looking forward to!)... I couldn't find my bike and I didn't remember setting up my transition area... and then, I realized that it was super hot and I had only brought a shirt with sleeves... No one was respecting the rules, and people were all over the place... Worst - no one enforced those rules! I gave up on the Tri during the bike course, because I wouldn't know what I was supposed to do and it made me so frustrated. I hope this is not what will happen!

It's official - I am now one level away from being freaked out about my Tri.

Riding Stardust

On Thursday, I got my bike fitting in the morning and I went for my first ride with Stardust in the afternoon. I only went for about 5K, just to see how it felt and I was... speechless. Stardust is wonderful!

The difference between Stardust and my nameless hybrid bike is unbelievable! I was shocked during the whole ride at how light and fast Stardust is. On flat ground, Stardust kept going forever without me pedalling... i climbed a small hill without ever going below 15 km/h when I would reach the top of the hill at about 9 km/h with the nameless hybrid.

My knees didn't hurt or crack AT ALL. My quads didn't work as hard. The only problem is that my shoulders hurt so badly - they already hurt a lot before I went for the ride, even when I sat around doing nothing. The road bike position, which is totally new to me, probably isn't helping.

I love her already. I can't wait till tomorrow to go on another Stardust ride again! :-)

Further Outside of my Comfort Zone...

Yesterday, I was writing that buying a road bike and trying the clipless pedals for the first time was completely outside of my comfort zone. Today, I moved even further out of my comfort zone by trying an open water swim. I don't think I swam more than 25-30m at once, because it was so scary! I couldn't really see the bottom of the water, and all I could think of was how I had no idea where I was going... I will admit that I panicked a little at first. I tried again a few times, and the last time I tried, I was able to swim a little more comfortably.

I had been thinking about doing the Try-a-Tri which takes place in Ottawa next weekend, but I'll pass. I will make sure I do open water swims in the coming month to get used to the feeling of swimming outside...

The journey to becoming a triathlete is a much harder one than I would have imagined at first.

New Bike and Clipless Pedals Adventures

I am about to receive a backpay cheque from work and I decided to treat myself to a new bike with this money. JF and I went shopping and I looked at/tried on every main brand that had a road bike that could fit my needs and budget. This morning, I finally found THE ONE:

A 2006 Specialized road bike, at a clearance price, with good quality components and even aerobars! The perfect bike for me. The one that they just put together was my size - perfect! I tried out the bike outside and I really liked it, so I decided to buy it. I'm getting my bike fit on Thursday morning and since I'm not planning to make any changes to it, I will probably bring it home before the end of the weekend! Yay!

Now that I'm getting a road bike, I decided that I really need to start using the clipless pedals that I bought last Winter. I've been so scared of using them, that I kinda forgotten about them for many months... Today, I decided to be courageous and install them on my hybrid bike. JF helped me out and showed me how to clip and release from the pedals. We went to a soccer field and I practiced...

I fell twice. The first time, I lost balance and fell on the side where my foot was clipped. I scratched my knees, elbows, upper thigh... and bruises are now appearing and I'm hurting. The second time, I tried to clip without success and just when I decided that I would put my foot on the floor and start again, my shoe clipped and I fell. This time, I fell on my handlebars and I hurt my pecs. This is very painful right now, and I'll probably have a bruise.

After the second fall, I decided that it was enough practice for today. I will try again tomorrow. With this, I am officially completely out of my comfort zone.

Time Trials

Yesterday, I went to the pool. I ate crap all day prior to going to the pool and it really affected my swimming (note to self: eat better next time). As a result, I wasn't able to swim for 200m yesterday, but I did 100m twice. The first one took 2:45 and the second one took 2:15. Based on that, i could say that my baseline for swimming 200m would be somewhere between 5:00 and 5:30.

As I already mentionned, my baseline for the bike is about 48 minutes, and my baseline for the run is about 41 minutes.

This would give me a finishing time of 1:34 for the distances. Add 5 minutes for the transitions, and my overall Try-a-Tri time would be close to 1:40 on September 1st. If I had done a 1:40 Try-a-Tri last year, only 3 people would have completed the distance after me... but then, the results state that the run distance was 4.7k last year... which means I could have cut about 2 minutes off my time, for a 1:37 finishing time. At 1:37, 4 people would have finished after me.

The challenge is to reduce my time on the bike, and the time spent in transitions. I will concentrate my training on this, at the same time that I'll try to improve my swimming and maintain my running.

I REALLY can do this!

This morning, I woke up and wondered if I should go to the gym, run, bike or try a brick. I decided to do a brick - something like 10K bike, 2K run - had breakfast, relaxed a little and got ready to go. As I was getting ready to leave, I thought to myself that I should bike for 15K, just to get a sense of how long 15K is. I figured 15K would take me about 45 minutes and that I could go for a short run around the neighboorhood to make my workout 60 minutes long or so.

My bike ride turned out to be a 16K one, completed in about 50 minutes. At some point during my bike ride, I was feeling quite good and decided that if I kept feeling this good, I may as well try to go for a 5K run. I got home, did my transition from biking stuff to running stuff, and off I went. My legs were so heavy, I couldn't believe it. I had tried to stretch my calves on the bike, but I didn't feel a stretch and I thought they must be loose enough. Turns out they weren't. I had to stop after 3 minutes of running to stretch my calves. I felt like I had a huge knot in my calves and that they were so tight!

On top of this, I decided to try a new path, which was a mistake because it was a slight uphill for about 0.5 K. My calves were screaming: "if you don't stop this now, we'll just seize and you'll fall to the ground and never be able to get up again". So, I stopped another time to stretch the calves and I walked a lot. Despite the stetches and the walking, I wasn't doing much better until I was back on a flat path again. At some point, even walking was difficult. But I kept at it, within my capability, and I did run about 2 minutes and then walked about 3 or 4 minutes.

I was surprised to realize that I was running way faster than usual, although I felt like I was going so slow. I had been told that this may happen, but I didn't think it would be that way: I felt I was running 8:30/K when in fact, I was running 7:00/K. The problem is that I couldn't slow down, even if I tried. My legs wouldn't let me slow down, as if they wanted this to be over.

After about 3K, I started feeling better and my legs felt looser. I was very grateful for that, and decided that I was doing 5K today. And I did it! :-) Despite the fatigue, I did 5K in a very respectable time of 41 minutes something. I was expecting to do it closer to 48 minutes, which is my slowest 5K ever - and this was achieved without having done a 16K bike ride before!

That was SO hard physically. When I finished, I was overwhelmed by emotion and I couldn't stop crying. I can do this. I have no excuse now. I can be a triathlete. It's up to me.

Wow. What a great feeling!!

SO proud!

I went to the pool tonight and I followed a part of Vicki's advice to do a time trial. I say I followed a part of the advice because I didn't time myself, I only covered the distance without stopping.

I SWAM 200 METERS!!!

It was the first time ever I swam that long, non-stop. I'm very proud of myself and I'm more confident about my triathlon on September 1st. I should say I swam at least 200m, because I did 10 lenghts of a pool that's somewhere between 20m and 25m long. The best part is that I did half of it by swimming front crawl - I still can't believe I was able to do this!!!

One year ago, I couldn't swim. I was uncomfortable in the water. I didn't even want to do a triathlon yet, I was just dreaming about learning to swim... A year later, after many hours of hard work in the pool, I can swim at least 200m!!!

I can do this triathlon thing:

Swim 200m. Bike 15K. Run 5K.

I can be a triathlete!

Bienvenue dans la famille Jake!

Nous avons adopté un nouveau membre pour compléter notre famille. Il s'agit de Jake le chien, un épagneul Springer anglais de presque 4 ans. Jake était un chien d'élevage, et il est placé dans notre famille pour vivre sa 2e vie. Nous sommes allé chercher Jake hier dans la région de Peterborough, à plus de 4 heures d'ici. L'éleveur avait apporté 2 chiens à sa maison pour nous les faire rencontrer: Jake et Danny. Danny était un Springer noir et blanc de presque 6 ans et il nous a tout de suite adoptés. Jake avait un peu peur au début, mais il s'est par la suite habitué à nous et nous a laissé le flatter et le coller.

Malheureusement, nous devions faire un choix car ces chiens doivent être dressés complètement et un seul chien demandera beaucoup de travail. Après de longues minutes d'hésitation, nous avons décidé d'adopter Jake, même s'il était moins amical à prime abord parce qu'il semblait le plus énergique, parce qu'il est plus jeune et parce qu'il a un physique plus athlétique que Danny. Danny faisait de l'embonpoint, et n'était pas loin d'être obèse, alors on s'est demandé s'il serait le meilleur chien pour nous.

Dans la voiture, Jake a été un ange. Il a même dormi! Nous sommes arrêté dans quelques haltes routières sur le chemin du retour, mais Jake ne voulait pas manger, marcher ou faire ses besoins. Il avait peur des camions et des voitures. Nous sommes finalement arrivés à la maison vers 10h hier soir, avec un chien stressé et peureux et des chats intrigués et pas très heureux de le rencontrer. Heureusement, tout s'est passé de façon pacifique malgré quelques grognements de Jake, causés par le fait que Maia et Litchie allaient tout près de sa cage et le fixaient intensément, ce qui devait le rendre mal à l'aise et incomfortable.

Ce matin, JF a fait sortir Jake dehors assez tôt et comble de malheur, c'est ce matin qu'un transformateur situé dans un poteau chez le voisin a choisi pour exploser et faire un gros vacarme qui a effrayé Jake. Heureusement que nous avons une cour clôturée!!

Lorsque JF a donné un peu d'intimité à Jake, celui-ci a décidé de faire son premier pipi. Il était temps, le pauvre n'avait fait aucun pipi depuis 2:30 hier après-midi et il était rendu 1:30 aujourd'hui! Depuis ce temps, il a fait un bon nombre de pipis, mais nous attendons toujours qu'il se sente assez à l'aise pour le # 2!!! ;-)

Bienvenue dans notre famille Jake. J'espère que tu t'habitueras à nous et que nous aurons de belles années avec toi!

Emilie's Run 2007 - My Heavy Mental Race

Q: Why is Kelodie a BOP (back-of-the-pack) runner?
A: Because her mental is too heavy

Prologue
My goal was to PB on this course. It’s a flat and fast course, and I thought my 10K training would have helped me improve my 5K times. But then, life happened: I hurt my toe while in Victoria and wasn’t able to wear shoes for 10 days; I had a tough cold; I travelled for work to both ends of our country. In the 4 weeks between my 10K race and Emilie’s Run, I ran 3 times only and it never went well.

Still, I thought I could PB if I got my mental on. The mental part was crucial for this race, because I’d have little outside motivation to keep me going when it got difficult - there aren't a lot of spectators on the course and this race wasn't an A race for me. I knew my legs had had plenty of rest and that they were good to go, but I wasn’t too sure about the cardio and the mental.


What Happened
I was on track for a 35min finish after 3K, but I lost a lot of time walking and trying to talk myself into being strong between the 3rd and the 4th kilometre mark. My stupid mental won!!! It’s so heavy that sometimes I feel like I carry a pack sack full of rocks with me when I run.

I missed my PB by the time it takes to say “I almost got a PB but my mental was too weak that day”… 7 seconds!!!

My splits:
@1km 7:01
@2km 14:00
@3km 21:56
@4km 30:02
@5km 37:14

Prologue
- I’m impressed that I achieved such a result after 2 months of “almost zero training”
- Last year, I ran this course in 40:45. I shaved 3:50 off last year’s time!
- I tried to focus on running with joy and being grateful to be out there – it worked for a while, but then I didn’t care about joy anymore!
- Having a plan (be as close to 7:00/k as possible in this case) and sticking with it works, as long as the mental doesn’t interfere
- There was an article in RW about how going all out on a 5K race was a good strategy, even if your second half was slower: I tried it and it works good (again, as long as you don’t crash before the end!)
- It was great that Joe was shooting pictures at the 4K mark: it motivated me to keep running to have great running pictures (and my pictures are amazing!!!)
- I “forced” my parents to come see me do this race. You should have seen my mom at the finish line: it was priceless how proud she looked. This sure made me feel good.

Bottom Line
There will be other races to get my mental on and PB.

My thoughts on this race a week later...
Looking at my stats for this race, I realized that my HR was very high during the whole race (average HR was 175 and it went up to the 180s many times). A HR that high can't be a good thing and certainly explains why I needed frequent walk breaks. I'm happy that I didn't feel too bad after the race, like I did after my 10K, because I could easily have puked and felt very sick after keeping my HR that high for so long.

From this race, I understand that I need to get back to consistent running. This morning, I ran by HR. It was quite discouraging to be back at doing 1:1s, but if this is what it takes to get back to where I was, I'm willing to do it. I still have the endurance to run longer, but I don't have the ability to do it within healthy HR ranges and I have to do something about it. I can't run at my lactate threashold all the time!

I'll be back with a revenge next year, you can count on this, Emilie!

Emilie's Run is coming up!

On Saturday
I will run with a smile
As fast as I can handle
I will enjoy the day
And be grateful to be out there
Because Emilie can’t

When it gets difficult
I will keep pushing
I will keep breathing
I’ll just keep moving forward

I believe I can do this
I can run faster
I can beat last year's time
I am strong

I believe.

100m - done!

I have been having some self-doubts about this triathlon project of mine lately. Not only do I doubt my ability to ever be able to swim for a long time, but I also doubt my general ability to be a triathlete at all. I'm rolling my eyes at myself, really: now that I got rid of most of the self-doubts about my running, am I really going to start doubting my ability to swim, bike then run.

Tonight, I went to the pool, after having had too much for dinner. It made the swim hard, and I only lasted 25 minutes in the pool before I wanted to puke. Anyway, while I was there, I attempted and succeeded at swimming for 100m without stopping. This involved a lot of swimming on my back, not even doing the back crawl, but at least, I kept moving. I suppose that if I add 25m every week, i'll be good to swim 200m on September 1st AND still have energy to bike 15K and then run 5K afterwards.

I am really trying hard not to give in to the self-doubt. I swear I am doing my best.

I hate being sick!

Almost everytime I fly or take the train somewhere, I get sick when I come back. I am sick with a cold now and i feel miserable. I hate being sick in the Summer. I just needed to complain. Poor little me, sick with a cold, when other people have cancer or other illnesses.

I didn't run since my 10K because I hurt my toe last week. Today was the first day I was able to put on shoes since the incident. I don't think I could have run. I'm starting to think that the PB I have planned for my next 5K race (Emily's Run) won't happen. Oh well, I'm sure I can beat my time from last year on this course, which was 0:40:45.