Learning to walk again at the Army Run

(…)
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return

(…)
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger
Little conqueror

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Now!
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
(…)
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign
(…)
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever

- "Walk" by the Foo Fighters

Life was good for me in 2007. This was the year I turned 30 and I achieved many of my athletic and personal goals that year. Then, life happened and a series of bad lucks from 2008 to 2010 found me physically broken, facing a year of many DNS in 2008. Between April 2008 and February 2009, I broke a rib and a toe, I bruised 2 more ribs, my cheekbone and my tailbone, I partially tore my psoas, I badly bruised my tailbone. In 2009, I got bronchitis and later on, a nasty bacterial infection in my stomach while in Mexico. I took two ambulance rides, I suffered through mild PTSD following a bike accident and had digestive issues so intense following my stomach infection that I dropped 25lbs. On top of that, I changed jobs to work at my dream job, which got cut not too long ago. I dealt with deep emotional issues that made life hell for me on a few occasions. Life was testing me!

Life was offering me an opportunity to grow.

I worked hard to heal physically and emotionally. I was able to race in 2010, but every race I did sucked because I had an unwanted companion, which I nicknamed The Mental. The Mental was by my side every time I attempted to push my limits, both in sports and in my personal life. The Mental is my worst critic: it tells me I’m not good enough, sometimes using mean words like “you suck”. I’ve been fighting The Mental for a long time, but it’s always there with me to ruin my fun.

I did not race much in 2011, but at the three races I did, The Mental showed up and tried to take charge. I did not let it – I was stronger than it was at the end of the day but it did make life miserable for me for a part of my races. This year, I increased my swimming endurance, I rode my first 50K and then 60K and I found my running mojo again. I faced what was in my heart and I dealt with the negative and celebrated the positive.

On Friday, someone advised that I find a ritual to do on my birthday to mark the beginning of a new year, full of promises. I decided this would happen while I was running the 5K at the Army Run today. My plan was simple: to plan the race and race the plan. I’m working my way through Learn to Run again and I’m now up to 5-minutes running intervals. I decided that I would race doing 3:1s, which would allow me to push without it being too difficult an effort.

The day was perfect: it was sunny and cool – it didn’t get warmer than 10 degrees during the race. I started off with everyone else, taking in the positive energy at the start line. I ran my first 3-minutes interval and decided to wear my headphones and listen to some music since I knew this was to be a spiritual race and music speaks to my soul in a way nothing else does. I ended up listening to Foo Fighters’ song Walk on repeat the whole race. I just love this song: it felt like it had been written for me to listen to on a very important day like today.

I felt like I was learning to walk and talk again – I’m learning to walk in my own shoes, to live my life for myself. I’m also learning to talk in a way that allows for meaningful connection with the world. I’m full of resolve to work through some difficult emotional issues and the song reminded me of my power to change my ways and take control over my life.

Before getting to the 2K mark, I got a runner’s high. I was thinking how great it was to be running on this beautiful day, to live in a country where we can run freely and for leisure rather than to get away from someone who means us harm. I was getting all chocked up and I came this close to losing it right then when I saw two amputee soldiers walking with their family members. I felt like I owed it to them to live the best life I can live, to contribute everything I have to contribute to this world. I had complete faith in me, for the first time in a long time, if ever.

And I just kept on running, 3 minutes at a time. The Mental tried to get some airtime in my head, but I didn’t fight it and simply replaced it with positive self-talk about how I was doing great and to just keep going. I ignored the annoying Mental and it left me alone. It tried to make me take a walk break before the finish line, but I refused and I ran for almost 4 minutes until I crossed the finish line.

I’m elated… I now know what a little faith in oneself can do. I’ve dropped a lot of emotional baggage on the course today and I feel so much stronger for that. What a great way to start my 35th year on this Earth! Thank you to all my friends for the birthday wishes – I felt loved today, both by the people around me and by myself. This is the best feeling of all, one that I haven’t felt often in my life.

Chip time: 38:46 (not a PB, but by far, my best executed race EVER)

Kelodie vs The Mental at The Canadian

Try-a-Tri
200m swim, 15K bike, 3K run
Time: 1:21:21 - 99/119 participants; 56/72 female participants.

I registered for the try-a-tri at The Canadian. It was the only triathlon I was planning on doing in 2011. It hasn't been a great year of training, and the whole time, I've known that the training I was doing this year was in preparation for next year's racing season. I thought it would still be a good idea to do one race this year, just to keep the motivation high, and decided to do the try-a-tri, but to really race it this time.

I've always thought I would "master" a distance before jumping to the next, and the distances of today's triathlon seemed easy for me: 200m swim, 15K bike and 3K run. Easy peasy, so I thought I would leave everything on the course. My goal was to complete the race in 70 to 75 minutes - 5:30 for the swim, 40min for the bike, 24 minutes for the run and the rest for transitions.

You can tell it's been a while since you raced when you almost forget to pick up your chip. It was kind of funny when I realized I was missing a key piece of "equipment". I had GI issues this morning, maybe because of the stress or because of something I ate. My seasonnal allergies are also very strong right now, so I was not in my best shape to face the 30C+ temperatures that were forecasted.

I got to hang out with my colleague Suzy before the race. It was good to be with people who would keep my mind off the race! I went in the water 20 minutes before the start of my race to cool down and to get used to being in the water. In fact, by the time we started, I was starting to freeze! I did a short warm-up just to get used to the water. I saw Jo-Jo on the edge of the water a few minutes before it was my time to go: I was so happy to have someone who came just for me!

The horn was blown and off we went. I was doing good: I had a good cadence and I was in control. Then, I came upon a massive patch of weeds. They were so tall: about 1cm away from the surface of the water. I thought I would soon be through it and kept calm but after a few strokes, the weeds were even denser and I started panicking. I forced myself to do breaststroke, but at one point, I just couldn't go on. I was having a panic attack. I turned on my back to settle down, like coach Geordie told us to do many times and it worked. I considered DNF'ing but the thought of having to touch the ground and walk in the weeds was even worst than the idea of backstroking through it. So I backstroked... for as long as it took until I didn't feel my arms getting entangled into the weeds with every stroke. It took a long time, probably 100m. Eventually, I felt that the weeds were a bit shorter so I turned on my front but I was never able to return to freestyle. So I breaststroked. I kept moving, like I was taught to do. The Mental really tried to make me quit, but I did not.

It took me 6:36 to swim 200m, 1 minute slower than my best 200m time (both in the pool and open water). I was 112th/119 for the swim, including the run to T1 and T1 itself.

I started the 15K bike ride hyperventilating because of my panic experience during the swim. The first 5K were really hard: there was a big battle being played in my head between The Mental and me. I told it to shut up, but it wouldn't shut up! So I just ignored the negative thoughts and focused on getting my breathing under control. It was hard because I was very nauseated. I had planned on hydrating while on the bike, because it was a scorcher out there and the last thing I wanted was to get dehydrated. After the first 5K were behind me and both my mind and my heart had calmed down, I started looking for competitors to take on. I passed many people on the bike and it felt great each time! I was happily surprised with the tailwind on the way back and I found myself riding along with the iron-people, being able to follow them. It was a great satisfaction for me to know that I could ride fast when I decided to.

My official bike time is 40:12, average speed of 22.4. 83rd out of 119 participants.

I decided to bring my water bottle with me on the run and am I ever glad I did. There were no water stations on the run course for the try-a-triers and the sun was shining almost non-stop. I drank water, but I mostly enjoyed being able to pour water on my neck, back and head to cool me down. My plan was to run as much as I could, trying to slow myself down to run longer. I'm pretty satisfied with what I did: I don't feel like I wimped out during the run. I really gave everything I had in the conditions we were in. I even made a friend on the course! We leap-frogged the whole race and about 200m from the finish line, I told her to go ahead and beat me, to which she responded: "no way, we'll finish together!" which I thought was really sweet coming from someone I just met. As we approached the finish line, I saw Jo-Jo again and told her I was starting to have cold sweats. I was very happy to be almost finished. My friend Suzy and her family were cheering like crazy for me and it was awesome! My new friend and I crossed the finish line holding hands and after we were done, I congratulated her and asked: "by the way, what's your name?" LOL

Run time: 24:41, 111th out of 119 participants.

After the race, I spoke to a few other participants - people were so friendly today! Or maybe I was more open to speaking to others? I'm not sure the reason, but it sure made my experience more fun. I had lunch with my relay team-mates: Jo-Jo and Cynthia and we started making plans for 2012... in the form of an island vacation! Hum... not sure where this vacationning thing will lead us triathlon-wise! ;-)

I feel like I graduated from the Try-a-Tri today. After 4 years, I have finally mastered the distance. Now is the time to work towards the next step: the Sprint Triathlon in 2012.

The Mental: 0 Kelodie: 1

Suck it, Mental! I'm in charge.

Share the Road 60K Ride

Yesterday, I participated in the Share the Road Ride. JF and I decided to do the 60K ride. It was the first time ever I rode beyond 50K. I was excited that I had signed up for something to get to that 60K, because I thought I may not have done it on my own. If I signed up for it, it meant I would do it. And I did!

I was very nervous in the days leading up to the ride. My head knew I was ready for it: I had done a number of 40K-50K rides and most times, I felt like I could have kept going. I had faced a challenge during those rides: my nutrition. Each time, I sort of bonked because I was ravenous and hadn't brought anything with me on my rides that I felt like eating. Going into the ride yesterday, I had brought salted potatoes as well as a coconut raspberry square in case I was craving something sweet. Everytime I rode longer than 35K, I had these huge salt cravings, so I figured my body wanted the salt.

The ride started at 8:30 and I was expecting it would take me 3 hours to get it done. We met with my friend Cynthia who was also doing the ride and off we went. It was a perfect day for cycling: 18C and cloudy. At first, there were light winds but towards the end of the ride, the winds really did pick up and they were challenging (leftovers from hurricane Irene).

JF did not stay with us for long. He is a much speedier cyclist and it was difficult for him to be slow. Plus, Cynthia and I were chatting non-stop and I think he got bored. LOL

The route was very good. It went through beautiful areas and there were almost no cars on the roads. The ones that passed us mostly gave us ample space. I felt safe the whole time!

My nutrition was perfect and I didn't feel like I was dying towards the end of the ride. This is my biggest victory, having figured out what works for me. :)

A few firsts!

Last Saturday, I went to Open Water Swim training with the Triathlon Club. I had not realized that the wind was quite strong and the water would be choppy. This is probably a good thing because I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I got into the water. That was something!! I felt my body being carried around in the waves and it was not super pleasant. I got a little dizzy at first, but I think it may have been because I was super nervous and my whole body was tense. It was a tough one, but I'm glad I experienced swimming in those conditions. I am proud of myself for not leaving the swim and trying my best.

I'm especially proud that I did not leave after I saw my first fish while OW swimming. It wasn't a big one, maybe 10-12 cm long, but it was following me and it was all I could see when my face was in the water. Freaky!!! I kept swimming for a little bit but when I stopped seeing it, I had to stand to catch my breath, all the while worried that the fish would brush against my leg. (it didn't)

Then on Sunday, I decided that it was the right time to attempt my first 50K bike ride. The temperature was cool (22C with a light humidex) but the sun was out the whole time. I did two "Aylmer" loops and it went well! The first loop was eventless, but the second one was full of action. First, I got really hungry at about 35K - stomach cramps hungry. I stopped and drank some Vega sports drink, which helped for a little while.

Then, I saw a fugitive dog. He was sniffing everywhere and looked lost. I stopped to try to help him, but he wouldn't let me near and I was afraid he would run further away, reducing his chances of finding his home. I reluctantly left, making a note of the location where I had spotted him.

Finally, at around 41K, my bike started making a strange noise and it was slowing down. I thought I had a flat tire and I was pretty p!ssed off, but when I stopped to take a look, I noticed that my water bottle was "touching" my rear wheel. I tried to re-adjust the water bottle holder so that the bottles would not touch the wheel and left again. It did it again a dozen meters later. So I stopped again and loosened up the bottle holder. This did not do the trick and I had to stop again another dozen meters further. This time, I noticed that my seat seemed lower than usual, so I stopped and raised it, only to realize it was not high enough 10 meters later. I was eventually able to fix my seat AND the water bottle holder, but I lost a lot of time and by that time, the sun was up in all its intensity and there was no shade to protect me from the rays.

The Mental was mostly silent during that ride, which was really appreciated. I think it makes all the difference when I just ride and not worry about being able to finish or not. All in all, it was a beautiful ride. I had 2 hours and 38 minutes to think of stuff and clear my head. This was by far the longest bike ride I've ever done (I had "only" done 40.xK before) and also the longest period of time of exercise (I had never gone for more than 2 hours). I learned a valuable lesson in that I need to plan my nutrition when I'm out for so long. I'm knowledgeable of how to keep hydrated, but now I need to test a few nutritional options for longer training sessions.

I hope to get my first 60K in sometime this Summer. When I attempt it, I'll bring some broiled potatoes with me. This is what I was craving on Sunday and I heard this was a good thing to carry on the bike.

... oh, and the fatigue after that effort was INSANE! It took me 3 days to recover from both the physical soreness and the fatigue.

Time for an Update!

It's been so long since I wrote... I guess I didn't have anything interesting to write about... or maybe it's because I was away from home so much in the past 2 months! I spent 5 days in Montreal in April, then 5 days in New York City in May, 8 days in the Maritimes in early June and 11 days in California in the second half of June. Maybe I should write trip reports!

I am happy to report that I have been very active in those past few months. I got active again at the end of April when I resumed bike commuting. Then we walked and biked a lot while in New York City, which created a momentum for us to keep active upon our return. I started running again sometime in May - week 2 of Learn to Run: 8 times 1:1s, how humbling. I was so happy that running was going well, it felt just hard enough and I fell in love again. :)

June came along and I didn't swim, run or bike as much as I would have liked, but I am proud to report that I was as active as I could be. When I was home, I was working out a lot and I did my best to keep active while away, either by running or by walking lots.

I went for my first open water swim training last Saturday with the Tri Club. I was terrified of that training, not knowing what to expect and having had a few months to build up all sorts of open water swimming fears. It was a relief to get to the workout and get 'er done. I panicked many times, but I faced the fears and kept moving forward or took a break when needed.

This experience confirmed that I'm not ready for a 500m open water swim. First, I lack the endurance to swim 500m continuously, having only done it 2-3 times in the pool. Second, the risk of a full-out panic attack is too great and I'm afraid it would keep me out of the water forever if it happened. Third, I like the idea of really racing a Super Sprint Tri for once, as opposed to just finishing it. I think that's what I'll do, but I'll wait until the second open water swim training to make my decision. :)

Swim Meet - March 2011

The Ottawa Triathlon Club held a swim meet two weeks ago. I signed up for it and then I was pretty nervous about the whole thing. I was scared of sucking so much in front of all those people that I don't really know. I spent the day coming up with excuses not to go and then telling myself to shut up, that I would get a baseline of what I am capable of, that I would get to swim under pressure like I will in a race, etc.

I had signed up for the 50m, 100m, 200m and relay "fun race". We started with a fun relay, where we had to swim 25m carrying an object - the first person carried one thing, the second one carried two, etc. I was the third one. I'm glad we did this first as it broke the ice in a fun way.

We then did the 50m. I pushed as hard as I could and came in at 1:01.8. Because I had never done a timed 50m, I had no idea what I was capable for. I'm glad I now have a baseline. I went way too hard on the 100m and by the time I reached 75m, I was done and had to slow down. I barely made it to 100m without puking. I definitely think I could not have done better on that day: 2.25.8

Before the 200m, I was asking some people who swim in my lane or near (the slower folks) if they had signed up for the 200m and none of them had. They said I was courageous to have signed up and it worried me. I thought: "well, it's just 200m - we can all swim that, so why would I be courageous to have signed up?". I understood when we got started. Everyone was so fast and I was soon left behind. I had to swim 8 laps and after 3, The Mental started telling me how I should not have signed up for that distance, how bad I looked in front of all those people, how I should just stop when I reach the wall, etc. It almost convinced me I could not do it, who did I think I was signing up for a 200m competition? My only answer to those thoughts was "just keep going, one stroke at a time". The Mental was very loud though and it didn't care for my positive and reassuring thoughts. It was the most awful battle I have ever had with The Mental. If I hadn't been in the water, I would have started crying. And then something happened with 3 laps to go.. All the others were done and I hit rock bottom thinking of how much I sucked. Suddenly, everyone started to cheer me on as if I was about to win an Olympic medal or something. At first, I was ashamed that it meant they were all looking at me and thinking how much I sucked, but then I told The Mental to shut the fuck up and take this for what it was: encouragement from people who have been there too. They too have been slower - most were not born a fast swimmer. Their cheers meant that they supported me in my efforts and admired me for signing up for this distance and continuing on even when everyone else was done. The Mental tried to tell me I sucked, but I did not listen to it for the last few laps of my 200m swim. I finished in 5:30.8.

I had a great time at the swim meet and I believe I broke some mental barriers I had about swimming in a competitive environment. There will be another swim meet in the fall and I'm pretty sure I'll sign up for the 200m again, just to see how far I have come.

Lessons Learned from 2010

It has taken me a while to sit down and write this post, but I have been thinking about it for about a month. 2010 has been a difficult year for me, but I have learned a lot about myself during this challenging year.

As we approach the one-year anniversary of my stomach infection & hospitalization in Mexico, I realize how much impact this infection has had on my physical and mental health in 2010. I haven't had many days when I felt fine, other than the blissful days when I was off work in April and could take all the time in the world to sleep and eat well, to exercise and meditate. 2010 has been a year of anxiety surrounding my health. I burned out, I ate little, I spent many hours awake in the night worrying about my physical and mental health and the future in general. Honestly, I'm not sure how I managed to remain somewhat functionnal when I was experiencing such a high level of anxiety.

In 2010, I have learned that I can live with anxiety, even when it seems like it is taking control of me. I have learned that I don't need food to comfort me - in fact, eating my emotions made everything worse. I have learned that I need to respect my body, or it will turn its back on me. I have learned that if I get sick, it means that I haven't been living according to my values and limitations. I have found my limits. I am working on accepting them.

Towards the end of the year, I have realized how to be kinder to myself, really. I understood that I'm the only one responsible for my well-being and that I can take care of myself without putting additional pressure on myself. I am now aware of the problems in my professional life, and I have an idea on how to bring more satisfaction to my daily life. It may never be a carreer in itself, but it would make my life more interesting to pursue this idea.

I know that I am strong enough to manage if I take days one at a time. I will be fine.

Now, I wouldn't mind having less learning opportunities in 2011!

Running!

After a few months of very minimal running, it looks like I am finally back at it! This summer has been brutal for me: every run was difficult and disapointing. Each time I went out, I felt like I was going to die. Seriously, it was so tough! Neither the body nor the mental wanted to run, so I decided to focus on swimming and biking instead. Now that biking season is over, I find myself wanting to do more exercise than just the two swims a week that I am currently doing.

And so I got the running shoes out of the closet and went for a run at lunch the other day. What a gorgeous day it was for a run! Sunny, no wind, 7 degrees. Perfect. And the best part? My run wasn't even that difficult. I felt light and happy and it was a nice change from feeling like I was on the verge of passing out.

I didn't want to get too excited too soon, so I cautiously went for another run yesterday. Aaaah! Endorphins, how I have missed you. I ran/walked happily, without having to talk myself into continuing or not going home. I just ran and enjoyed it! If all my runs are now that enjoyable, it should be easy to get me into a running routine again.

I've been unwell since the summer and I think this would explain why running was so difficult. My digestive issues now seem to be under control and I'm recovering nicely because I'm following a strict diet as best I can. I hope I'm back at it for good, now! :-)

Swimming with the Triathlon Club

I signed up for the Ottawa Triathlon Club's swim program. It means that I swim with the club every Sunday night, from 8-9pm. I have done two session with the club so far and I am enjoying it. I like how they are deconstructing the stroke so that we practice one aspect every week. I also like how you go at your own pace - we do drills for a set amount of time rather than for a certain distance, so the more advanced swimmers are not slowed down by the slowest ones.

I am enjoying getting some structure into my swim workouts. It's good to know that all I have to do is show up, and do what I am being told. I also like how it is not boring to swim with the group, compared to swimming laps on Tuesdays. I find that when I only swim laps, I get bored after 750m, so I tend to stop there. Whereas with the triathlon club, I swam 1,200m the other day and I was not bored at all!

I'm trying to swim twice a week right now. I much prefer swimming to running and sometimes I think I should just swim 3 times a week and only run once or twice, but my skin is not liking being in the pool "so much", so I have to take it easy.

I think I'm going to become a much stronger swimmer this year. :-) I wish I hadn't lost my running mojo as I am now thinking that even though my swimming will improve, there will still be something holding me back in triathlons: the running. Meh.

Défi aérien du Camp Fortune

Le 17 septembre, j'ai complété le Défi aérien du Camp Fortune. Ouf! Que d'émotions. Le parcours consiste en une série de défis et de tyroliennes, à relever à plusieurs mètres du sol, attachés par un harnais. Je n'étais pas des plus enthousiastes à relever ce défi, mais étant de nature participative, je me suis dis que j'essaierais.

Je croyais avoir peur des hauteurs, mais en réalité, je n'ai pas vraiment eu de difficulté avec l'aspect "hauteurs" de la chose. C'est plutôt les montées dans les échelles qui me rendaient vraiment anxieuses, mais je ne comprends pas trop pourquoi. Certains obstacles étaient plutôt faciles et demandaient seulement un peu de concentration alors que d'autres obstacles étaient vraiment difficiles et demandaient un très bon sens de l'équilibre et beaucoup de courage.

J'ai été surprise par mon habileté à faire confiance à mon équipement. Quand on faisait les tyroliennes, on devait se lancer dans le vide et croire que notre équipement nous protégerait des chutes. Ça demandait un laisser-aller assez fort, mais le jeu en valait la chandelle parce que c'était vraiment amusant!

Après l'aventure, qui a duré environ 2 heures, j'ai été prise d'une sorte d'état de choc parce que j'avais vraiment repoussé mes limites mentales pendant l'activité. J'en ai eu pour plus de 24 heures à avoir des nausées, une grande fatigue et une agitation qui ne m'est pas habituelle. C'est probablement l'adrénaline qui quittait tranquillement mon corps...

Je referais le défi, mais j'aimerais mieux attendre l'année prochaine, quand j'aurai oublié à quel point j'ai eu peur!

JF's First Marathon

On September 5th, JF participated in the Montreal Marathon. This first marathon has been years in the making because JF got injured a few weeks before each of his two previous attempts. The saying says third time's a charm and after hours of training, JF got to the start line of his first marathon. It was an almost perfect day to run a marathon: the temperature was about 18 degrees, with a mix of sun and clouds. However, the wind was cold and strong, and it made the race challenging on a few occasions.

JF was running with his friend Éric and I was cheering with Éric's wife, Karine, and their 4 year-old son. The race started at 8:40 in the morning. Karine and I planned to cheer them on at the 5K point, on Saint-Hélène Island. When they passed by us, they looked strong and happy.

We then took the subway back to Old Montreal, where we waited a long time for them around the 18K mark. Once again, they ran by us with bright smiles and they looked strong.

We then walked to the corner of Ste-Catherine and Berri (25K mark) and cheered the Full and Half marathoners on, while we waited for JF and Éric. Sonia saw us and we cheered for her: she looked good! I got very emotional at some point, seeing all those people suffering in front of us. Some looked better than others and you could not help but feel a little bit of their pain.


When Éric and JF finally made it to where we were, they didn't look so good. Éric looked like he was suffering a bit, but JF looked like hell. He ran towards me and told me 'this is so tough', but I didn't know if he needed a word of encouragement, or a hug, or just to tell me how he was feeling so I just stood there, feeling powerless at helping him. I got very worried and I wondered if he would be OK. All sorts of things were going through my head as we took the subway from Berri-UQAM to Rosemont. I was so worried!

We saw Sonia again at Rosemont and she seemed to be having a good time with her Significant Other. She was all smiles!

When JF and Éric passed us at the 31K mark, they both seemed to be in better spirits. They seemed to be in pain physically, but I knew the dark clouds hovering over their head was gone and that they were going to finish. What a relief! I was so scared of not seeing them at Rosemont, that JF would call it a day and take the subway back home with me, or that he would have been taken to a hospital. Having no idea what happened between 17K and 25K, every worst-case scenario going through my head seemed likely.

I was also starting to feel achy and tired from all this running around and cheering. By 31K, my ankles were on fire and my throat was really sore. I could have lied down to rest for a little while, but there was no time to be lost and as soon as we saw Éric and JF at 31K, we ran like mad women to the subway. We were hoping to make it to Pie-IX at the 37K mark before them, but we had to take 2 different subway lines and time was tight. We were lucky that we catched the 2nd subway as soon as we got to the station. We ran up the Pie IX hill, me pushing the stroller with the kid in it and my friend trying to call her in-laws and find our friends who had come to join us at this point. We made it to the corner of Pie IX and Rachel a few minutes before Éric and JF. When we saw them, JF was definitely looking better but you could tell Éric was digging deep to finish.

We started walking towards our final cheering point at the Olympic Stadium. We stopped on the side of the course at the Marathon Door, where all the runners were coming into the Stadium for their final kick. It was a very emotional place: some runners looked ecstatic, others were in tears, in shock, in pain. I cheered my loudest at this point and saw Sonia's fiancé run by. I was a bit worried about Sonia but thought she must have made it in faster than L.-A. (turned out I was wrong, she crossed the finish line 10 minutes after L.-A.). When I finally saw JF, he was running in front of Éric and he looked like he was very, very angry. When he saw me, he ran towards me, pumped his fist in the air and said "I %?%$?)_* got it done!" This is where I started crying. All this work, all these years, the difficult race he seemed to have had - and there he was, a few meters from the finish line. I was so proud of him for being so tough. I was so happy he got his happy ending. Éric crossed the finish line 1 second ahead of JF and then we all celebrated.

A few weeks after the race, I'm still in awe at JF's accomplishment. It took a lot of mental strenght, determination and courage to get through the training and then the race. What an achievement! Now that I have seen all it takes to finish a marathon, I honestly don't think I have it. I'm OK with that and I'm glad I could live this experience vicariously through JF.

I've been thinking...

Lately, I haven't felt the love for running. In fact, I haven't run more than once and sometimes twice a week since July. I'm having a hard time with all the heat, the sun and the humidity we've had this Summer. I have also not been feeling very good lately, and I think I found the culprit this morning: my seasonal allergies. They are not as bad as usual this year, which is why it took me so long to figure it out, but the symptoms drain my energy nonetheless. I went to the doctor this morning to get some nasal spray and it should help me get back to normal.

Anyway, I've been wondering if I had fallen out of love with running and if I should just give up. I was talking to a friend this week, trying to put all my thoughts together to make her understand how I felt. She told me she knew a lot of people who didn't run, or ran a lot less, in the Summer. These people were the same as me: people who have a hard time with the heat, humidity and allergies. Interesting.

So, I started to devise a seasonal training plan, where I would run from September to May and where I would allow myself to run only when I want from June to August. This would give me the flexibility to not run during heat waves or during insane allergy peaks, and it would remove a lot of the pressure I put on myself all the time. My plan also includes riding my bike outside from April to November and taking a break from it the rest of the time. Again, it wouldn't mean I wouldn't ride at all the rest of the year, but it would mean I wouldn't put pressure on myself to ride on the dreaded trainer in the winter. I would replace some of the biking with yoga: i'll do yoga on the weekends in winter instead of going for a long bike ride. For swimming, I thought i'd swim all year. I usually swim once a week, but because I'm joining the swim group with the triathlon club this fall, I think i'll aim for twice a week, except when it's -40 outside and I feel like taking a mini-break.

I also started thinking about long-term goals, such as:
- being able to ride and swim the Half-Ironman distance in 2012 (1.9K swim and 90K bike);
- doing my first Sprint Triathlon in 2011;
- being able to run 10K sometime in 2011;
- doing my first Olympic Triathlon in 2012;
- doing my first Half-Marathon in 2013 or 2014;
- doing my first Half-Ironman in 2015.

I'm not sure those are all possible, but I like the idea of working towards a goal and having a dream (Half-Ironman).

Now, I only have to make it through this week's heat wave and I'll be able to start to run again.

Best Open Water Swim So Far!

Ever since I first thought about doing triathlons, I have had to face a number of fears, which i blogged about here. The next fear on my list was to swim at Meech Lake. I knew that I would have to face that fear sooner or later because every triathlete I know has swam at Meech at some point. I was intimidated by Meech because it's a lake, there are fishes in it, it's deep, it's dark and you have to swim away from the safety of the shore.

Sometime this Summer, I made a mental list of the things that I still hadn't done and that scared me the most. Interestingly, I was most scared of swimming at Meech than I was scared at swimming in the Ottawa River; I was also less scared of swimming at Meech than I was at riding with clipless pedals or on aerobars; and, I was intimidated by the idea of buying and putting on a wetsuit. I decided to face one of those fears this year, and so I chose open water swimming as my fear to tackle in the Summer of 2010.

Cynthia and I went to Brittania a few times and it was tough. I couldn't swim many strokes before I got uneasy in the water and had to stop to get control of my breathing again. Cynthia helped me tremendously by giving me tips and pushing me to do just a little bit more than I thought I was capable of. She challenged me to swim for 10 breaths, then 15, then 20 (I made it to 17). She calmed me down when I freaked out because of the weeds/plants in the river. She really didn't get much of a training when she came swimming with me, and I felt bad for her. When I told her that, she said she was investing time in me so that she'd get a stronger swim buddy next year.

Anyway, last week, she suggested we try Meech Lake, because it was easier to access. I said yes, but man, was I scared. When we got there, it was 20 degrees outside and there was some light rain. I was kinda hoping there would be a storm and we couldn't go, but the skies cleared up by the time we were finished putting our wetsuits (I'm not intimidated by it anymore! yay!). The water was so warm, it was very pleasant.

A loop at Meech Lake is about 650m: you swim to a small island in the middle of the lake, then around it and back. We didn't have any objective for this swim, the goal was just to get me used to swimming there. Off we went. Holy crap, the aquatic plants are huge at Meech. So. Scary. Ewwwwww. I'm not sure what it is about aquatic plants that scare me like that, but they really do. Fortunately, you swim a few strokes and you don't see them anymore. I must have swam a good 30-35m before I freaked because of the plants and I was happily surprised.

I then faced my fear of swimming in the dark and was surprised to notice that swimming in the dark is not that scary! It was kind of comforting, which was really weird. I hadn't expected to be so afraid of aquatic plants, and I was not afraid of swimming in the dark. I mean, I was not super comfortable either, I had to take breaks every now and then to catch my breath, but I almost made it to the island. I think the reason why I was nerveous was that I was on the lookout for fishes. Fishes scare the hell out of me. Fortunately, I didn't see any. I made it to the point near the island where you see the stupid scary plants and then I swam the distance horizontally to be able to say that I swam to the island.

The swim back was eventful, with me losing one of my goggle lenses about 100m from the shore. I had to swim to the shore with my head out of the water, which had the upside of not allowing me to see the scary plants.

I swam at least 500m that day and I was soooooooo proud. :-) It made me want to go back to Meech, but Fall is coming and it's not as easy to go open water swimming after work anymore. Plus, I think I prefer to end my open water swimming season with an excellent experience! It's back to the pool now. When open water swimming season opens again next year, I'll be a much stronger swimmer. I'll take on those aquatic plants!

The Mental Game

After I wrote my last race report, I noticed that most of my struggles this year have been related to my weak "Mental". What I call "My Mental" is the series of thoughts, feelings and sensations on my mind at any given moment. This year has been really tough mentally, and not just from an athletic point of view. It started off with my crazy stomach infection in Mexico, continued on with the high anxiety I felt following this infection, then with the insane stress levels I've experienced at work. This led me to a mini burnout in March. I then took 7 weeks off to take care of my mind and body and get back to a balanced life. All was good, until I went back to work and had to start balancing my personal life with my professional life. Again, I didn't do too bad with that until June rolled around and the stress at work became worse again, at the same time we started getting hot and humid weather.

I suffered from a heat exhaustion episode in early July, because I didn't pay attention to the amount of fluids I was taking in while biking and swimming. I felt pretty sick from the heat and I beat myself up for not paying attention to how my body was feeling until it was too late. Following this, I became hyper-aware of my body and everything went down the drain. It's either too hot, too sunny, too humid, too windy to go for a run. I don't run unless the conditions are perfect, because I don't know how to differienciate between feeling hot and suffering from heat exhaustion. I have terrible anxiety running in the sun and I often feel like I'm going to pass out when I do. Of course, I don't pass out, but I'm scared of passing out so I avoid running. This was all made worse a few weeks ago when I went running first thing in the morning and came back home with a bad migraine that kept me in bed all day.

All this to say that I have been through difficult times this year and I don't know how to take control of My Mental again. I can't ignore it completely when it tells me to be careful or take it easy, but I can't keep on listening to everything it says either. I'm feeling a bit lost in this mess and I'm not sure how to approach it. Do I need a break? Or do I need to just push through the discomfort?

The Day My Mental Challenged Me: National Capital Triathlon

The stats:

200m swim: 5:48 (Improvement of 1:40 over my best time!)
20km bike + T1: 57:34 for an average of 20.8 kph (I can do much better)
5K run + T2: 43:46 (again, I can do much better)
Total time: 1:47:06 (my best time on this course by about 2 minutes)

My plan was to do my first Sprint Triathlon at the National Capital Triathlon this year. However, after buying my wetsuit and realizing it's a lot tougher (mostly mentally, but also physically) to swim in open water, I started having doubts. I wondered if I was scared or if I really wasn't ready. You can never know for sure, I guess, but a week before the event, I decided to do the Super Sprint Triathlon instead of the Sprint Triathlon and this was one of the best decisions I've made this year!

The difference between the Super Sprint and the Sprint is the swim distance: the Super Sprint is 200m in shallow water whereas the Sprint is 500m in "regular" water. The Super Sprint swim follows the shoreline and the Sprint goes right to the middle of the river. Having had my share of panic moments in open water swim training, i knew it would be risky for me to do the Sprint. I was worried that I would have a panic attack once everyone was gone and I was all alone in the middle of the river. Knowing there would be kayakists nearby was not really reassuring me. After a lot of debate, I did a risk analysis and concluded that the likelihood of me having a panic attack was quite high and that the consequence of such a panic attack would be very high too.

The minute I made my decision, I started to look forward to the race rather than being scared and worried. That's when I knew I made the right decision. :-)

The race didn't go really well. I could list a few excuses, namely that my allergies have just gotten intense and that I slept 2 or 3 hours the night before my triathlon. These certainly contributed to the outcome of the day, but the real challenge during this race was to ignore "the mental" that wouldn't shut up. Seriously, the whole 1 hour and 47 minutes it took me to complete the race, the mental kept telling me how much I sucked and how I was an imposter. It told me it was a good thing I hadn't been stupid enough to sign up for the Sprint Tri. It asked me why I bothered spending money on race entry fees when I sucked so much: why not just train to stay fit and forget about races? It asked me who I thought I was, participating in triathlon races as if I was an athlete. It said I should DNF and I considered it. It whined. It told me to notice how poor my performance on the bike was, when it was usually my strongest sport of the three. It told me the run would be awful, because I haven't run much lately. It even told me I was so frickin' fat. Seriously, the mental was vicious yesterday.

My mind kept fighting the mental. It kept telling it to shut up and tell me to just keep going. It told me not to give up, that I trained for this and that I could do it, even if it was hard and even if I didn't reach my objectives. It told me to swim/bike/run my own race and not to worry about everyone around me. It told me that there was something to be learned from a difficult race, that I just had to keep trucking and that when I reached the finish line, I would understand what I had to learn that day. It told me to run with joy. It told me to appreciate the moment, because the weather was perfect, just like I had prayed for. It told me that it thought I had a good swim and that I may have done a better time than my other swims in Mooney's Bay. It made me notice the sign that said "Pain is just weakness leaving your body" and I visualized my "wimpiness" leave me. When it got really tough on the run, it told me it was OK to walk because it was such a difficult day. When my breathing was back under control, it told me to run just a little bit, one more step and one more.

Everytime someone cheered for me, it gave me more resolve to keep going and fight the mental. I knew I was doing the right thing and I wanted to defeat the mental, even if I hurt a lot while doing it. As I approached the finish line, I got angry at the mental and pushed as hard as I could (which wasn't much!) up the little hill before the last 50m to the finish line. It was then that Cynthia reached me. She made those last 50m much more enjoyable and much less focused on the mental. We say misery loves company, but I swear that company pushes the misery away.

Mind: 1 Mental: 0

The Day I Played the Crabby One - Graham Beasley Triathlon Olympic Relay

The Stats

Graham Beasley Triathlon
Carleton Place, ON
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Olympic Triathlon Relay
Two Frogs and a Crabby Broad
Bike leg - 40km
Completed in 1:53:39, including transitions
Average speed on the bike: 22.3 kph
Maximum speed on the bike: 41.9 kph (fastest I ever rode at)
Number of litres of fluids drank before, during and right after the race: 3.0
Rank: 5/5 for Olympic Relay Teams

The tweets

6:00... Cr@p, I’m only getting out of bed and my lower back is already hurting.
6:30... Wow, everybody who’s out at this hour on a Sunday morning seems to be going to the same place. This is neat!
7:15... Here’s Jo-Jo! She seems to be in a really good mood which is quite unusual. I wonder why that is.
8:30... I will never have enough water to last the whole morning. We must go get some.
9.00... I really like hanging out with Jo-Jo. She's such a great person!
9:15... Time to go! I can’t believe we almost missed Cynthia. It's a good thing I know what she looks like when she runs with her wetsuit – I’m glad we didn’t lose too much time in transition.
9:25... Wo, it’s pretty lonely here. I usually follow other cyclists, but there’s no one around this morning. I hope I don’t get lost. I wonder if the road is closed.
9:30... Here come the Sprint people! Here they are gone. Geez, I’m slow.
9:35... I'm so glad I went to get water with Jo-Jo. It loosened up my lower back. I hope I ride far before it starts hurting.
9:40... Rolling hills, huh? I’m not sure I will like that, but if it stays that way, I'll be fine.
9:45... Woah! This stretch of road is rough. I really hope it’s not like that the whole time or I’ll never make it!
9:50... Turn-around point for the Sprint Tri. What a stupid idea it was to do the Olympic. Frick, I’m only 25% done and I’m already suffering from the heat. On the positive side, it’s awesome that I now consider a 20K ride short. It used to be a challenge for me. I’ve come a long way this year!
9:55... What a stupid idea to do a race in July. Seriously, it’s always + stupid in July. The odds are that it will be freaking hot.
10:00... FFS – stupid hill. I hate it.
10:01... OK, don’t look up. Look down and take this hill one stroke at a time.
10:02... Holy geez, I really have to train on hillier terrain. I'm not out of breath and my quads are not on fire, but I'm not used to that kind of rythmn.
10:08... NO WAY. Another freaking hill, even bigger than the one before. The race organizers must have had a good time when they decided to put the turnaround point on top of that stupid hill. I bet they thought it would be funny. Stupid hills. Stupid sun. I want some shade, I’m so hot.
10:10... I hope I don’t pass out. Stupid, stupid hill.
10:12... Turnaround! Woohoo, it’s all downhill from here. Thank God for the cheerful volunteers, they are making me a bit less crabby.
10:20... OK, I hadn’t noticed that I got some downhill on the way out. I must climb those stupid hills again on the way back. Sigh.
10:25... Seriously, this is the last race I do in July. It’s way too hot in July. I’m overheating!
10:30... Aaaaaaaaah, the freshness of water poured over one’s head. I don't care if I looked stupid getting the reservoir out of the camelback so that I could pour some water over myself. I don't care anymore. This being said, I need to consider a new hydration method. This is not convenient.
10:40... OK, I have about half an hour to go. I can do this. I hope I'm not making the math wrong.
11:00... Oooh, a downhill. Let’s see if I can beat my fastest speed ever.
11:01... Oh Oh. What’s that crazy noise coming from my bike?
11:05... I really have to get that rear wheel and brakes checked. I think there is a problem remaining from my bike accident - it's like the wheel is crooked. Yikes.
11:06... Bike accident… shudder.
11:07... Speaking of bike accident, I’m hurting everywhere. Who knew you could hurt so much just from exercising? My wrists are hurting, my shoulder and neck are hurting, my lower back is hurting, my hip is hurting, my quads are hurting and even my feet are hurting!
11:10... Is it ever lonely here? Where is everyone? Am I that slow that they’re all done by now? Stupid race, I’m never doing this again.
11:11... 2K left. I hope the course is not long or I’ll be very angry. You know, like when you train with a personal trainer and they tell you to do 10 reps and when you're done, they ask for 2 more? I hate, hate, hate those tactics.
11:20... Back to T-zone. It’s heaven - the faster I run my bike to the rack, the faster I can jump into the river. Wait, the girls aren’t there. Cr@p! Oh, there they are.. hey I’m here, come on, look at me, I’m coming your way and I’m done. A little enthusiasm, please?
11:21... F?%&%& man, that was so hard. Toughest bike ride ever.
11:30... Aaaaah, life is good again. That river is very refreshing. I could stay in here all day.
11:35... The awesome thing about today is that I properly hydrated. Woohoo! Not every race has to end in dehydration. That was a good learning experience today. Still, I really have a problem with exercising in the sun.
12:00... Aaaaah, sitting in the shade after being in the sun for so long. I hope Jo-Jo takes her time to finish. I’m rather comfortable here
12:20... Here she comes! Woohoo, well done Jo-Jo! Oh my God, she’s still smiling. In typical Jo-Jo fashion, she made a friend out on this lonely course.
12:21... Oh my God, she says she had a good time today. I guess this means I was the crabby one today. Too funny! Ah, how I love those girls! What a great team we make.
12:50... Next year? I wonder if I could ride for 90K?


Foot note

Following the redaction of this race report, I had a discussion with a friend about the negativity in what I had written. She told me I would have had a much better experience if I had thought positive thoughts. I told her that I really did not feel like thinking positive thoughts and that if I had done so, it would have made me even crabbier, because I would have known I was in total denial.

Today, I can think about the race and laugh about how negative I felt when I was out on the course. I think the important thing is not to think positive thoughts no matter what, but to accept those negative thoughts when the going gets tough and let them go as soon as things return to normal. This is one of the lessons I learned from this race: it’s OK to think negative thoughts, just don’t hold on to them for too long.

Canada Day Bushtukah 5K Race

I participated in the 5K event at the Canada Day Bushtukah Running Race this morning. It was a really well organized race on a flat course and it was not crowded - those were the perfect conditions for me to establish my post-injuries 5K baseline. Having been surprised to pull a sub-40 at NCM a few weeks ago, I was wondering what I could do when I was not stuck following a big crowd.

Things didn't start up too well. I got a major IBS flare-up last night following the BBQ we had at work. I may have eaten something or simply eaten too much, and this did not go well with the stress of the race. I could not eat a regular breakfast this morning, which I knew was not a good idea. I only had a granola bar and some water and hoped for the best.



I sent JF off on his 10K race and waited for my race to start, 45 minutes later. It was pretty lonely out there - it seems like I was the only person who was hanging out on her own. I'm really not used to that, because there are usually a bunch of Running Maniacs to hang out with at races. Today, it seemed they were all running the 10K! Eventually, my friend Nancy found me. It was awesome to see her there, because I was really nervous. Nancy is the one who ran with me when I achieved my 5K PB so it was good to see her before the race. :-)

When the race started, everyone was passing me even though I was closer to the back of the pack and I told myself that these people were going out way too fast and that I would catch up to them later. I mean, I was running 6:33/K, it's not as if I was going super slow! It turned out I was wrong - I never caught up to most of these people.

My plan was to run 3:1s, considering I'm up to 4:1s in training. I followed my plan for most of the race and I only took a longer walk break close to 4K when I got a very bad side stitch. I was trotting along, doing my thing and at some point, I turned a corner and the finish line was in sight! My Garmin said I was 36 minutes into the race, so I dug deep and kept running towards the finish line. I saw JF 100m before I crossed the finish line and he was encouraging me to do a final push, but I honestly had nothing left in me for that push, so I just kept going. I crossed the finish line in 37:38, which is my third best official 5K time ever.

I usually have emotional races, where I try to run with joy or to think positive thoughts. At some point, though, I usually crash mentally because I can't keep up with the positive thinking. Today, I ran a "rational" race where I was working towards a quantitative goal (get as close to my PB as possible). Although I didn't feel the joy I usually feel during my races, I didn't crash mentally and I concentrated on getting 'er done. As a result, I enjoyed the present moment more than I have ever done in any race. I wouldn't run, or even race, that way all the time, because I really enjoy the emotional experience I get from running, but it was good to experience a different way of racing today.

I now have a baseline, and a new goal: smash that PB!

On a Roll!

Things have been going really well for me in the past month, and even more in the last week. I'm making big progress in the pool and on my bike. I'm becoming more confident about my Sprint Triathlon objective and I'm having a lot more fun training. I think my mental has gotten a lot stronger and this is having an impact on my training as well as on my life in general. :-)

A few days ago, I took the plunge and started shopping for a wetsuit. I'm excited about my first "real" open water swim, where I'll swim in non-shallow waters. This used to scare me, but now it sounds exciting. I ordered my wetsuit online and should receive it sometimes in the next 10 days. I hope it fits well!

Yesterday, I went for a run and it went OK. I was relieved because my last runs have been very tough and it killed my motivation to go running. I was planning on running the 10K at the Montreal Marathon on Labor Day weekend, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not sure I want to train for a 10K in the heat of the summer. At the same time, if things go well, then I wouldn't mind increasing my distance. Since the event doesn't sell out, I have a lot of time to make a decision, I guess.

Today, I rode my longest distance ever! I was planning on going out for 35K, but ended up doing 40.8K because I felt fine and I needed the mental boost doing the distance would give me. I'm still super excited about my achievement! I'm tired and I'm hurting a bit, but it was great. I am really enjoying riding my bike. I think it's the only time in my daily life when I am truly in the present. When I'm on my bike, I listen to my thoughts and follow them, but I usually don't worry about the past or the future, which is a nice break. I also started singing to myself while on my bike. When there's no one around, I sing some happy songs in a low voice and it cheers me up instantly! I love how happy I am on my bike these days. :-)

During my ride this morning, I recognized the site where I had my accident almost 2 years ago. I was happy to see that I could notice the site without feeling fear or anxiety about it. I didn't have any flashbacks and didn't really feel uncomfortable on my bike after we passed the site. I guess this means I'm fully healed, even if my ribs sometime tell me differently when the weather changes.

Life is good. :-)

Joy-full at Riverkeeper!

Today, I participated in the Riverkeeper Triathlon, as part of the Sprint Tri Relay. I was the cyclist of the team and it meant I was to ride about 23K today.

When I woke up, it was raining. This made me nerveous, because I'm not used to riding my road bike in the rain. Usually, when it rains, I postpone my rides... The only times I ride in the rain is when it rains on my commute back home! I usually enjoy doing stuff in the rain, and this morning was no different.

The rain started coming down hard when the race started. My friend Cynthia was our swimmer, so i went back to T-Zone to get ready as soon as she started on her swim. By the time she finished her swim, I was already quite wet from standing under the rain. I ran the whole time between the T-zone and the mounting line, which is a first for me. There is usually a time when running with my bike that I need to stop and walk. Not this time!

Cynthia was continuing with the Sprint Tri on her own after her swim (she swam with two chips!), and I didn't want her to pass me too early into the race so I made sure I started off hard from the start. She only passed me a few kilometers from the end of the bike leg, so I am very happy with that. The bike ride went great, despite the rain and my shoes that got full of water 1-2 kilometers into the race: I felt strong, I was not out of breath, I was feeling in control on my bike. At times, I even had bursts of joy when I was thinking how hardcore it was to do a race like that in the rain. ;-)

There was only one time during my race when I didn't feel as good, and it's when I thought about a difficult situation at work. When this thought occured, it was as if I had suddenly gotten very tired, weak and unmotivated. It was really strange: I felt the energy coming out of me! Fortunately, I realized what was happening and put a lot of effort to bring my mental back to happy thoughts of riding in the rain and feeling strong on the bike. I also started singing to myself, happy happy happy songs from Glee. It worked and I was soon back to cruising speed!

I finished strong and my bike computer tells me my average speed was 23.6 kph. This is awesome, considering this includes my run in and out of the bike, at 6-7kph for a few minutes! I'm also glad to have seen the results of all the bike training I've been doing since March (I almost have 500K under the belt already!) - I am becoming a much stronger cyclist. :-)

Next up: a 5K run on Canada Day and the 40K bike leg of the Olympic Tri Relay at the Carleton Place Triathlon in July.

Joy-less at NCM 5K

I ran the 5K at the National Capital Marathon Race Weekend. Coming into the race, I was really nerveous about my hip. Lately, it's been bugging me a lot and I was worried the psoas would tear again, so I haven't been pushing much. The time spent not running was not good for my mental health and I felt aggressive on Saturday all day. I worked very hard on Saturday to get my mental in a much positive state, only to have my hard work smashed by some negative energy dumped on me 2 hours before the race.

I usually get emotional at the Start Line, but this year, I was annoyed. Annoyed at the people with strollers - strollers should not be allowed in such a big race. Annoyed at the man who already stunk as if he'd just run a marathon. Annoyed at the obvious walkers who were standing near me (there was a woman with a peasant skirt and a stray hat standing next to me). Things got worse when the race started - it took me more than 6 minutes to get across the start line, which is to be expected in such a big crowd. However, you usually start running once you approach the start line, but this year, I wasn't able to run until I was at least 100m passed the start line. I could have dealt with that if I hadn't had to run around all those walkers who had put themselves in front of me at the start line. Totally annoying. If you're going to walk, you should be at the back of the group, not in the middle of it.

I was happily surprised to be able to run for 5 minutes staight at the start of the race, and happier when I was able to run for another 5 minutes afterwards. But then, things got ugly. The sun was unbelievable hot, the humidity was high, my mood was very negative and I started to suffer. I made it to Pretoria Bridge because I knew my friends would be there to cheer me on and it was so great to see them. However, after that, I physically and mentally crashed and I had to walk for at least 5 minutes before I was able to cool down.

I eventually made it to the water station, at the 4K mark. By the time I got there, I was overheating and had felt like puking for at least 2 kilometers. I poured some water on my neck/back and drank a glass of water and this gave me some energy. At this point, I was at 31 minutes and I knew sub-40 was totally possible if I could just find some shade to run into. The about-to-puke feeling didn't leave me until long after the race. Had I known, I would have brought water with me.

I made it across the finish line in 39:27, which is my 4th best time ever in the 5K. I was pleased with the result. I was even more pleased that I hadn't torn my psoas. What a relief!

I usually feel joy at some point in my running races, but this year, I didn't feel any. This sucked. I wish I wouldn't get so affected by other people's anger and negativity, but I just do. I wouldn't say those people ruined my race, because I'm responsible for how I respond to other people's actions, but I'm writing this here to recognize that this is something I need to work on so that other future races don't get ruined by whiners.

Now is the time for triathlon season! On the program: a Sprint Tri Relay in 2 weeks, an Olympic Tri Relay in mid-July and my first Sprint Tri in August. This should be a fun summer!